The Fabulous Crown wearing cafe. No contact thread part 9...

[seshi]

Hello ladies for anyone attempting, going through or wanted to try No Contact. We don't judge on here... Just lots of lovely support and advice... Come join us

Ooh basseting that brunch sounds good.

If that guy is getting wistful and romantic I think you might need to stop messaging for a while, unless you want another declaration.

@Basseting I just dribbled a bit!!! Got my daughter off today after a really shit confrontation with her teacher who refused (literally shouted NO when I asked for her help in dealing with a bullying issue and implied she was lying!!!!) so have to work around her today too!!!
But just taken a booking for a shoot so things are looking up!!
@seshi I sent my deets for WhatsApp - hope that's ok?

Really excited to think we can all meet up!!! X

@Basseting remind me of what MF means? And yes if he's getting wistful, poss time to step back? X

Ginger good on you

Basseting MF definitely has feelings for you or else they never went away

Belonger ginger NK

I defo DONT want another 'need to step back' email just before the surgery etc, no. So I am being careful in my replies, both content and timing. I wish I could have been mindful like this with DOM but I have LEARNED / I am LEARNING that I can type a reply and then not ./wait to send it. ie i have some say in it / some power in it.
I am utterly astonished at this, and also astonished at how astonished I am. Does that make sense or am I batshit?

(flips eggs, makes fresh coffee, puts plate of Danish out - can you tell I am supposed to be on a diet?)

ginger that is crap about your dd's teacher. Schools can be so inadequate at times and rigid with parents. My kids school is shutting this summer and it is not at all clear waht the best move is, but I dont have long to decide.

I think re DOM, all I can do now is stay NC and hope to waft past him looking slimmer and carefree sometime before Xmas. Sigh.

Well all his stuff has gone. Took only 30 minutes. Turns out he wasn’t really invested at all. Just feel like I’m having a break down. I will miss him so much x but I know it’s the right thing to do x

@Basseting that makes absolute sense and not at all batshit! It shows growth. You should be proud. Bad news about your kids' school - what a headache!

I need to go on a diet too - off to Spain in may and need to rid of some flab!!

DDog says hello!

@wossgoinon it probably feels like an anticlimax. I'm so sorry. Have you got anyone who can be with you? It feels awful I know. X

wossgoinon
Ah I wish we could all pile round and cheer you up.!
It IS the right thing to do. But it will still hurt. But it's still right.
((()))

Hi ladies first day back in the office so just catching up but will sort out what's app later xx

Just talked to my NC on messenger (I know, but I've been worried about his kids) and he's not told his kids we've split and told his mum that it was "circumstances" why we split upWhat a twat. And he says his head isn't in the sand about anything!

Were you a big part of their lives @Bookangel?

Not massive but enough and his DD loved me apparently. We went on holidays and lots of day trips together with my youngest.I was invited to Christmas dinner at his parents. I was his first gf after his wife left him so think his parents were very happy for him as were the kids.

Yes that's enough of a connection to make it hurt isn't it? X

Ginger they wanted us to get married so I feel bad they'll be disappointed. He did admit to being a nightmare and a tosser so at least that's done process sling his path of enlightenment.

Apparently he's been texting me this week but as I've deleted and blocked his number then I haven't got them

That's very tough Book

I have t told my two older ones yet as one is on a trip away and didn't want to tell her beforehand as she'll be devastated. Middle one won't care too much because she's like that and LO is too young so will forget him anyway in time although does keep asking about him and his kids.

I've just heard back from the hotel wanting to check my booking so fingers crossed they'll have good news that I can get a refund or transfer the funds to another time and place.

Sorry for so many posts but am pissed off now that he's not told his kids. It's been 2 weeks so I think he should have done as they'll be expecting to get together in the Easter holidays. I'll tell my older ones next week once both here again. Eldest is going to have no faith in men at this rate as her experience is they all all knobs. Her dad, her grandad, her baby siblings dad, a guy I dated who promised her loads and now this waste of space. My dad died when she was 5 so no strong men in her life to be a good role model. Feel more sorry for her than me. In fact I don't really feel sorry for me at all. This latest not told his kids and not told his mum why has highlighted how much he does deny problems and thinks if he ignores them they'll go away.

Sounds like it's been tough for all of you. Sending hugs and don't blame yourself x

I’m feeling down today - thought my book would give me some sort of resolution but it just says never contact them again. I know that’s what I should do, but I can’t bear the thought of NEVER seeing him again. I will get to 30 days, and further if I can, but I will message him at some point. Then start my real recovery with no hope after that ...
The 30-60 day window is helpful - it puts a finite time on hope.
Time is making it less raw, and I will just get on with my life (a bit heartbroken)

Ravens I know what you mean.
If I thought i'd never see DOM again i'd weep.
BUT I know it would be better for me if I didnt see him till I had a better grip on myself. So I am trying to view it like that. 1 day at a time.

Ravens I know exactly how you feel . I’m trying to frame it that if this was truly meant to be, I will do some work on my flaws, he will do some work on his flaws, we will both date other people with our fresh new perspectives and realise that they’re not right. Then in 5 years when he’s grown up a bit we will bump into each other and remember all the good stuff and carry on where we left off but wibout the problems.

In my head it’s the only way I can truly let him go, knowing that it doesn’t have to be forever, I can choose to contact him at any point in the future if my life is worse without him. If his is too, then we can see what happens.

NB I honestly hope that in 5 years time I will be so over him that I don’t give a shiny shit what he’s up to, but by fooling my heart into thinking this isn’t necessarily IT, I can try and let him go.

And actually contacting my NC and having a message back telling me I’m beautiful an unique but he still doesn’t love me enough to treat me with respect set me back a lot emotionally. Had he not replied at all I would have at least been able to think “he’s still angry with me for going NC” but just a friendly ‘wish you all the best’ message hurt more than anything. Please don’t do it for your own sake