The Fabulous Crown wearing cafe. No contact thread part 9...

[seshi]

Hello ladies for anyone attempting, going through or wanted to try No Contact. We don't judge on here... Just lots of lovely support and advice... Come join us

Today is the day that the man in van comes. I feel absolutely shit but I know it’s the right thing.
He criticised every thing i did including telling me how to put make up on etc
I know I miss his company because when he was nice he was lovely but he was critical of everything and everyone

I feel sad and need a hand hold

Well done for your night in instead Oldbrook I’d count 29 days - bulk email was nothing personal, in fact it was wonderfully impersonal.

It will be a hard day wossgoinon but you should be so proud you are taking an actual positive step to move forward from something you know is not right. So many women on mumsnet are not that brave!
I will report back on the book (so far just about going NC).
Day 22 NC for me!

I just have to think of the bad stuff

Calling my kids thick
Telling me to exercise
That I’m not competent in most tasks
Banned me from doing my own washing
Either waking me up for sex or with holding sex
Me crying everyday and him telling me that I’m putting it on

I just feel sick in myself

Oh woss he sounds really abusive, you poor thing. Well done for calling time on him, completely the right thing to do. Have you read up about emotional abuse? All that stuff you've listed is emotional abuse and it wears your self esteem down until you think that's all you deserve. So you're doing brilliantly to get rid of him.

Big hand hold

Day 2 of NC and not seen him for 19 days (didn't realise it was that long!) and not spoken for about 12.

Morning all. Just catching up with your posts but yes to @seshi can you organise WhatsApp and tell us what you need us to do please!

@woss he sounds awful..... But that's not going to make it any less painful. Today you will feel incredibly sad but this will be the hardest bit... And tomorrow we'll rebuild you and get back the girl he has crushed with all his emotional abuse. Plenty of hands on here to hold.... X

@anxious reporting for duty and I will look into what's app group this morning x

Morning all.

Woss he sounds horrendous. You've done so well in getting rid of him.

Thanks so much all of you for being so really lovely to me yesterday. It meant a lot.

Morning everyone, day 6 here and feeling OK. Really impressed with everyone's self discipline! If we could harness the strength on this thread it would power the national grid!

Morning all.
Good luck woss it will be a hard day. Stay strong.
Keep me posted seshi
I hope everyone else has a good day. Enjoy the sunshine whilst it lasts, apparently winter back with a vengeance tomorrow.

Hi oldbrook I agree with the 8 week thing, I definitely felt at my most distraught one month after split but more normal after 2 months. 1 month is such a short time. Saying that I think he took about 2 days to get over me but I'm over that now too, hmph!!!

“I wasn’t hurting because she wasn’t the girl I wanted her to be; it was the expectation of what I thought she was rather than who she was in reality. “.

From an article that appeared on my FB feed . How true is this ?

Day 36 NC and Day 3 of no looking at Whatsapp last seen .

We were supposed to be going away next month and had said we'd go as friends. Had decided not to go and have asked the hotel if I can transfer the cost but find myself still debating. Would a friendship work? Take the romantic angle out of the equation. Not done that successfully before as always got back together with them or in one case found it heartbreaking for years but did do it as had been best mates for 6 years before we got together.

Woss thinking of you today. Make sure there's wine and chocolate in the fridge for later

oldbrook and itsa I also agree that one month is not enough - very early days .

What I would like to add though is that I think the "not looking at WhatsApp and his Last Seen" has been a huge step forward for me . I think initially I was gripped by panic in removing myself from that but now that I am into it I would highly recommend it.

@nk are you feeling better today lovely? @Bloody day 36...just fantastic!

oldbrook some interesting quotes there - not sure that I agree with all that he says but some good points !!

Bloody sincerely well done on not looking at WhatsApp. That's a huge step.

Oldbrook good idea on restricting your fb for him.

Book I would say it's way too early to be going to a hotel as friends. Too much temptation.

Thanks for asking Seshi. I'm still disappointed in myself but will have to get over it. Need to focus on getting H to accept we are separating. It's going to be so tough

Promised I’d update on book. It’s full of phrases to build up self-worth etc. But not much more than we’ve all been doing on here. Single premise is don’t contact him - ever. If it’s going to work he will contact you. Likely within 30 days, and if he hasn’t contacted within 60 days it’s over. A bit of advice to take it slow if he does contact. That’s it.
Given I’d love my NC to come back I guess I will persevere with NC for 30-60 days. If he doesn’t contact me in that period I will allow myself to contact him to say goodbye and then that will be it. (Will reassess this nearer the time)

Sounds like a very good book Ravens