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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The Fabulous Crown wearing cafe. No contact thread part 9...

999 replies

seshi · 12/03/2018 21:01

Hello ladies for anyone attempting, going through or wanted to try No Contact. We don't judge on here... Just lots of lovely support and advice... Come join us

OP posts:
Thread gallery
31
Olikingcharles · 14/03/2018 11:53

PS Ginger your pooch is lovely. xx

Belonger · 14/03/2018 12:33

All I know is that I feel safer alone.
Listen to this ginger, it's really really important information.

The less contact you have with him, the better. He is psychologically abusing you I'm afraid.

And that can happen to absolutely anyone, none of us are immune.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 14/03/2018 13:42

Oliking love your pooch.

Yeah my NC is great fun. We always had a laugh together and surprisingly even though we are both fiery enough we never really fought because we are easy going in our own ways.

wossgoinon · 14/03/2018 15:45

Can I join you please. Partner. Well ex now cheated on me for a year...and i took him back and less than two years later he is messaging someone on tinder. I need support as I have been with him 4 years. I have blocked. And I’m just trying to sort van for stuff. My heart is breaking

Original poster
seshi · 14/03/2018 15:55

@woss yes of course....welcome. You will find tons of support on here. So sorry to hear that you are having such a dreadful time. This place will help I promise

OP posts:
wossgoinon · 14/03/2018 15:57

It all kicked off this morning when I saw the messages on his WhatsApp. Few months ago he tried to get friendly with someone who pranged his car. I’m such a douche

gingergenius · 14/03/2018 15:58

Hello @wossgoinon so sorry to hear your trouble. Pull up a chair x

Original poster
seshi · 14/03/2018 15:58

@ginger have you read or spoken to anyone about emotional abuse? It's a huge thing to deal with... They convince you that you are crackers when it's actually the other way around... I had it for ten years and I even had difficulty accepting that someone as intelligent (lol) as me could even fall victim... Had no idea until a very good friend and my counselor pointed it out.... This alone means that you need space from him to even process it... Xx

OP posts:
gingergenius · 14/03/2018 16:00

@seshi I keep fluctuating between thinking he's right (I'm on Prozac etc, so it's not a stretch to think I'm off my rocker) and looking at possibilities, to thinking back about things he's done that have caused me anguish.

I'm a mess.

wossgoinon · 14/03/2018 16:33

Looks like we are in the same boat. I have been gaslighted to hell and back

Basseting · 14/03/2018 16:42

ginger
" All I know is I feel safer alone"
Listen to that my sweet. You are doing so well..x

Going back now to look at other posts /pooch pics.

My email is broken and I dont know why'/how to fix.
Cant call DOM (the tech king) so feeling Sad

Belonger · 14/03/2018 16:43

I just lost a long post to you ginger and lost it.

But it basically said:

Loads of us are on tablets, it doesn't make you bonkers

Belonger · 14/03/2018 16:46

... Bugger, pressed post too soon!

Part 2:

Even if you were bonkers, a loving partner would not behave like he does and make you feel worse and doubt yourself. CRAZY HORMONAL WOMEN CAN AND DO HAVE LOVING PARTNERS TOO.

Get your ass over to the cafe with us. Shaking him off will be hard but we can support you and I promise you will be better off without him.

Belonger · 14/03/2018 16:47

ginger I guess I would also ask, does he make you feel like you are hard to love?

Belonger · 14/03/2018 16:48

Hi woss, welcome to our fabulous thread and cafe. We find it really helpful to post here when we're tempted to break NC.

Belonger · 14/03/2018 16:51

Hi basseting! I love trying to solve techy problems, wish I could pop over and help. Google is your friend when it comes to that sort of thing too, have you searched?

gingergenius · 14/03/2018 17:08

@Belonger yes. I do feel incredibly hard to love. Which is one of the reasons I feel safer alone, so that I don't inflict my stupid mood swings, and over emotional self in him or anyone else. Honestly it just makes me feel like shot being like this. I am better off alone.

Sorry you've been through it too @wossgoinon

Thanks @Basseting - I know I'm better off without him. Just a lonely path. Thank goodness for you lot and this fabulous cafe!!!

Basseting · 14/03/2018 17:16

ginger and oiking your dogs are sooooo cute!

my sodding foot hurts. I need endorphins (fat chance).

or bed. (how long is it till bedtime?)

ruddy email being off is a pain. stuuuuupid tech.

Oh, Easter hols meet in London would be amazing.

I went to the V&A with MF and they have incredible salads and stuff quite cheap (perenially broke) and a glorious tearoom if wet and a lovely courtyard if dry?

How would we recogniose each other? Grin

Ravenscloak · 14/03/2018 17:20

I’m in London too...

Basseting · 14/03/2018 17:20

ginger I hate the phrase 'over emotional'.
You are as emotional as you NEED to be at any time.
NC's can all fuck right off with any 'over emotional / needy/ hormonal' shit. I bet your mood swings and changes as it needs to re your circs. You've been to hell and back with this tosser and he DARES to criticise you? Sorry. not my place. but it makes me mad.
Blush

Belonger · 14/03/2018 17:21

'over emotional' has been used to silence women for generations ginger. Usually when they are calling out shitty behaviour. Don't let anyone label you.

The Fabulous Crown wearing cafe. No contact thread part 9...
gingergenius · 14/03/2018 17:57

Omg I love the V&A - not been there since I was little!!! Yes to crown badges!!!

Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname · 14/03/2018 18:03

So I have not looked at NC's WhatsApp once today despite it being a really shitty day moodwise. Had a bit of an anxiety mood going on this morning with resultant upset stomach and feeling pukey - was wondering if it was because I was attempting to do the above ie not looking ? I still want to look - God knows why - but feel this is another HUGE step in moving away from him . It sounds so pathetic, doesn't it ?

gingergenius · 14/03/2018 18:07

Thank you belonger and bassetting

I guess I've just been so used to feeling that my emotional lability is a massive flaw. But you are right, I'm not irrationally emotional all the time. Usually when I'm with him.

The last time I saw him he was sarcastically commenting that he might as well talk to himself (he'd bluntly given his opinion on my attitude about something so I just felt a bit 'small' afterwards and was wrestling with my feelings, so kept quiet). When I quietly said I didn't feel able to voice my opinion/say how I felt, he cut my sentence off by accusing me of spouting passive aggressive bullshit. Then I said "this is why I stay quiet" to which he replied "good" and stormed off.

Surely that's not how normal people are in a relationship? I'm not saying I was in the right as I'd misinterpreted stuff but I did admit that. I just feel so trampled on.

That is the incident that has promoted this latest NC as it's really made me question my sanity!

Anyway he hasn't bothered me any more today. Which of course now has me spiralling the other way because then I imagine him copping off with someone else. I know that sounds bonkers because I KNOW he's treated me badly. But the thought of him being with someone else still hurts.

curragh1 · 14/03/2018 18:59

Hello all, I'm on day 4 of NC and he's sent me 4 messages on WhatsApp, the last one asking why I'm not replying lol Feels good to have the power for once! Is that mean??