The Fabulous Crown wearing cafe. No contact thread part 9...

[seshi]

Hello ladies for anyone attempting, going through or wanted to try No Contact. We don't judge on here... Just lots of lovely support and advice... Come join us

God why can't he just leave me alone?

Because he enjoys having the reasonable, professional, loving, forgiving, understanding, available you. He'll only start to leave you alone when she is no longer available to him. He won't believe she's gone for a while and will keep trying the stuff that usually works.

Just my theory.

ginger ignore him. Seriously, ignore those messages that are about you and him. Don't let him think you are still on the merry go round. Get off it and go to the Cafe.

ginger can you block him and free up yourself from this ?

I've blocked his number now.

I want to punch something

Ginger In am exhausted from it all. Really tired. Sounds like your guy is trying to edge his way back in. Unless you have a history of being weak/faint after a blood test I'd tell him to bog off. It's like what Belonger says he's making it sound like such an ordeal to love you when it isn't/shouldn't be with the right person. Do you suffer bad with PMS? I'm 41 but it has been getting progressively worse for me. My Mum was through the menopause by 50 so I'd say I'll start it early enough too. I am so down the week before I am due. It's a rotten feeling.

OK I have just been on WhatsApp but didn't look at his Last Seen status .

Well done bloody that is a remarkable achievement. It is odd that we do this, I still do it to, like others have said it shows us nothing but we still do it!

Sorry you are having such a hard time nk. It is just a matter of wading through the mud I think.

I have had 2 dates and planned a third but very unsure of his motives. I'm all of a quandry!

Blimey, this thread is already more than a quarter of the way through! Go us!

Bassetting glad you found your photos and sorry about the op... hope that gets sorted.

Oldbrook I am in absolute awe of you, your strength and dignity is inspiring!

Bloody I can't believe his arrogance ... as you say you have the power to blow his world apart. You're doing so well keeping your dignity through all this.

Thank you for the quote belonger think it was you... about staying away from people who make you feel like you are hard to love. So true. I have screenshot it as a permanent reminder.

Seshi hope it works out with NC and the gig... I guess that will enable you either to move forward, or give you a degree of closure depending on how it pans out.

I had an awful week last week, total relapse in terms of NC being constantly on my mind. I reached out tentatively to the farmer on the back of this... (sorry gang, I know you advised against it), we texted sporadically but today he admitted that his shitstorm of a divorce has got even worse, she's been making allegations to the police etc. So I do think my original decision to stop things in their tracks was the right one. He says he's ready emotionally to move on but it's not fair to bring anyone else into it. And he's right, but I am panicking a bit ... as I put in my last post I'm finding it hard to find the inner strength to move on on my own.

Coincidentally an old flame from a few years ago contacted me last night and we ended up chatting on the phone for almost 3 hours about life, love and the universe. It transpires he is now single - this is the first time we've both been single in 3 years. I have to be careful with this one though, I got scorched when it ended with him 3 years ago and I mustn't tread that path again. I need to keep things at a safe distance, but on the other hand part of me thinks I should shag him senseless ... do any of you struggle to think about sex at the moment? I can't think about it without thinking of NC. Maybe shagging old flame would purge NC from my sexual thoughts!

Ps. I wrote this last night then fell asleep before hitting post, so I've prob missed loads more posts, I'll go back and read now!

ginger well done on blocking. Who does he think he is to keep sending you such messages. Like he wants to keep you down and be grateful for his insight but it is just insulting.

thepartinglass all I can think about is sex with NC - obviously that was the part that I enjoyed the most and that should tell me something !!! I need to get an alternative to Mr Golden Penis .

Oliking if there's no info and nothing has changed then definitely don't contact him to make him feel better.

Belonger I'm finding it hard to manage my guilt and the thoughts of him moving out but if there is zero attraction then there is nothing.

Thanks Seshi and I'm glad he's rung about Kasabian. Why can't he organise the train if you organised the tickets?

Belonger nobody, and I mean nobody should ever make you feel hard to love

Ginger he cheated on you and stole from you. He is a cheat, liar and fraud. Don't let him make you feel you are going mad.

I've always had mood swings. I'm also open to discussing them and am not in denial - (poss bpd diagnosis) but to have someone beat me over the head with my failings is dehumanising and hurtful. I'm more than happy to talk about what options are available and how to go about getting help. He knows this. I have never been in denial about the volatility of my mental health and it's very possibly being exacerbated by hormones - I'm 48 so almost a certainty. But it's the constant refusal to listen or engage in anything other than 'ginger-bashing' because it means he can erase all his contributions to the problem!

Thank you nk, this means a lot to me

'Belonger nobody, and I mean nobody should ever make you feel hard to love'

I had started to assume it was my fault that I felt that way. But now I think about it, I don't feel that way with anyone else.

Nice one ginger with the blocking! Let us know how you get on with the blood tests. I'm also at a perimenopausal stage and have found visiting a herbalist incredibly helpful. I hope the counselling assessment goes well too, when it happens. Sounds like you are taking control of this next stage of your life.

Ginger he really is using it as a stick to beat you with isn't he. And trying to deflect from the atrocious things he's done. Well done on blocking him!

Oiking you're doing great, not responding. As oldbrook said, if there is no new information I think carry on as you are.

NK glad you're work situation is improving, that must be a relief.

oldbrook love this:
'i wanted to walk the mile and be chased, now I am just running as fast as I can'

Honest I could cry with the frustration and injustice of it all. Thank you all. I'd be back in the cycle if it weren't for you lovely lot. His words make me feel so shit about myself. Am sitting in the doctors waiting room trying not to cry.

Good on you for blocking Ginger
This thread is moving too fast for me to keep up! Good everyone is being so supportive.
Yes we need another cafe for all the NC's - mine would spend all the time on his phone haha.