What now

[averageguy1]

Quick background been together 5yrs both early 50s never lived together...relationship has had the usual ups and downs as expected. We went out last night for drinks with friends had a lovely evening got back to mine and after a small disagreement over food my partner punched me in the face about 6-10 times on two occasions resulting in a nasty gash to my nose and cuts to my face i didnt hit back just took it.
Today my partner doesnt know why it happened and is very apologetic i am left with a dilema do i finish it which i know will be painful or accept the apology..i am not going to report it as an assault and i know what my advise would be to a friend if in simular circumstances but its so much harder making the decision when its your own problem ,

Thanks again for the support , some other issues i wasnt happy with , the relationship was very intense and by that i mean even after all the years we both still got butterflies thinking about seeing each other and the love was very strong we both said it made us feel ill. But with that intensity came ( in my eyes) jealousy on her behalf and I have told her that many times but she always said i am not Jealous but I am possessive of my man, many times she has tried to make me Jealous but I am not like that . For example telling me (in a round about way) how much attention she gets when out with the girls, openly flirting in front of me.

A big part of her life that i slotted into after my failed marriage was going out and drinking (to excess) lots of verbal arguments came with to much drink and being fair from both of us , i have lost count of how many times we split up then sobered up and we got back together always instigated by me.

She has a child who is 23 lives at home doesn't work, drive (lost license) and smokes weed all day she won't deal with it incase it kicks off so buries her head in the sand or a bottle of wine. I have a high work ethic and values about life and everything about that does not fit into my values.

She said to me when i met with her last week that she wanted me back so much that she would rather be dead than without me then started talking about moving on and would it help me if she 'shagged a random' and told me about it then I wouldn't want her back !!!! I think that bit has set me back weeks knowing she is out with the girls this coming weekend in painful knowing she might do that.

Reading all that back i know what I would say to another person ...but I love her so much .
We had a lovely time in London recently and all i can focus on is what if i have made a mistake and will always regret it.

You haven't made a mistake. She hit you repeatedly: what does that say about her attitudes and beliefs that she could allow herself to do that? And since then, she hasn't acted in a way that indicates she knows why it happened and is prepared to do the hard work of changing to try to ensure it never happens again. Instead, she's saying things calculated to hurt you, along with saying she's better off dead... all very messed up.

You made a decision. You can't tell what would happen if you get back together. That doesn't mean you will regret your decision. You can recognise it as a tough time in your life, but you can say to yourself that violence always has consequences and you showed that you are worth more than that sort of treatment (and all the current treatment that's followed it).

Sorry Op but you said that the way her daughter goes on doesn't fit with your values (rightly) and your ex'es drinking problem doesn't fit with your values. The fact you are even considering staying with her when all of this is still present but she has physically attacked you in addition is crazy thinking. She is going DOWN in her standards not up.

Have the holiday. Get some perspective. Her telling you she might shag a random is beyond breathtakingly nasty of her. You need to just walk away from this messed up situation.

Thanks for all the replies and they all make sense and have helped me loads , today has seen me have the biggest wobble so far but tomorow is another day and hopefully a better one . .if I went back i know i will regret my decision.

She sounds manipulative and quite nasty tbh.

You would regret going back to her.
She will probably blame you for her drink problem next. Don‘t have any contact and you will get over her. You need time to get over it but you will.
You sound nice and I‘m sure there is someone equally nice out there for you when you‘re ready.

Thanks Mellifera , i do believe i am a nice person who maybe to much always considers other people's feelings over my own , i will hopefully in future maybe think about myself a bit more..

No, not too nice. I don‘t think a person can be too nice.
A bit more self care is a good idea, we all need that.

Point taken , i just need to think about myself get over this relationship then hopefully move on in life , i have screenshot alot of the advise given to read back on when i get another wobble... sure I will .