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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What now

158 replies

averageguy1 · 11/03/2018 20:10

Quick background been together 5yrs both early 50s never lived together...relationship has had the usual ups and downs as expected. We went out last night for drinks with friends had a lovely evening got back to mine and after a small disagreement over food my partner punched me in the face about 6-10 times on two occasions resulting in a nasty gash to my nose and cuts to my face i didnt hit back just took it.
Today my partner doesnt know why it happened and is very apologetic i am left with a dilema do i finish it which i know will be painful or accept the apology..i am not going to report it as an assault and i know what my advise would be to a friend if in simular circumstances but its so much harder making the decision when its your own problem ,

OP posts:
BIWI · 11/03/2018 20:59

It's irrelevant if it affects other family members. Is your partner beating them?

annielouise · 11/03/2018 21:03

Sorry to hear that. I think it's over. If I was her having done that to someone I'd have to end it too. I couldn't imagine being that volatile in a relationship and doing that to someone. I couldn't trust myself from that point. When you start doing stuff like that it's over really. I can't see how the relationship can come back from that.

Original poster
averageguy1 · 11/03/2018 21:07

BIWI no she isnt beating anyone else it has never happened before ..

OP posts:
Screaminginsideme · 11/03/2018 21:15

It will happen again though unless you leave. No one deserve to be hit. There is never an excuse for it.

BIWI · 11/03/2018 21:46

Do you not think she's crossed an inviolable line, @averageguy1?

It doesn't matter if it hasn't happened before - it's happened now! Why stand for that?

Joysmum · 11/03/2018 22:24

it has never happened before

There’s always a first time where it’s not happened before.

When she punched you in the face the second time she’d only hit you once before. The third time she punched you in the face it was only twice before before that ...

Original poster
averageguy1 · 11/03/2018 22:50

BIWI yes i think a line has been crossed that cannot be uncrossed , i have always had a high opinion on this type of thing and even though it wont be an easy thing to do i will do ...

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 11/03/2018 23:02

good luck averageguy1

it's a painful process... but you deserve better .. everyone does Flowers

Original poster
averageguy1 · 12/03/2018 09:35

I have taken all your good advise and ended the relationship this morning ..feeling bad at the moment but onwards and upwards as they say .

OP posts:
bouncydog · 12/03/2018 09:40

Well done you have done the right thing. I left a partner many years ago after he was violent. The next lady he took up with ended up scarred for life after he hit her in the face with a glass. Doesn’t matter how sorry they are there is never any excuse for violence.

Original poster
averageguy1 · 12/03/2018 09:50

Thats the advise i would always give to others just feeling a bit deflated after getting over a 20 yr marriage after being cheated on i really thought i had found my 'life partner' just goes to show you never know what will happen in life .

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 12/03/2018 11:36

Flowers averageguy.

I'm sorry. It makes no difference what sex you or your partner are. It's an awful thing to go through and more awful because you then have to make a massive decision. There is no 'wait and see'. You did the right thing.

You would not end up happy in this relationship. It really is that black and white.

Well done and good luck.

Gemini69 · 12/03/2018 13:00

day one... take it slow friend Flowers

helpmum2003 · 12/03/2018 13:04

So sorry to hear this @averageguy - you have done the right thing. Take care.

hellsbellsmelons · 12/03/2018 13:43

Well done on ending it.
You really really should report it though.
You would if a stranger in the street did this to you.
It's full on, assault.
Now block, ignore and delete and move on with your life.
Get some RL support around you.
If you feel you need some professional support then MANKIND is a good place to start.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 12/03/2018 13:44

Sorry to hear this happened to youaverageguy and I know it's tough but you've done the right thing. I think you should explain to people WHY you have ended it to - you have nothing to be ashamed of. She (or he) does. It may be the only way that they take a step to seek help.

Be kind to yourself. It's the first day and bound to be upsetting. Take care.

Sosog00d · 12/03/2018 13:49

Absolutely normal to feel deflated. it shows you to be a decent human being with feelings.

Time will help. You will draw inspiration from the strength & determination you have been able to show.

Best wishes to you x

Shoxfordian · 12/03/2018 13:50

Glad to hear you ended it
Take care of yourself

Iooselipssinkships · 12/03/2018 13:58

Stay strong OP, you've done the right thing.

bumpsadaisy11 · 12/03/2018 14:02

Big hug averageguy, though it hurts now, you know that you did the right thing.

Know that you deserve so very much more than that!! Xx

Marazooo · 12/03/2018 14:10

Leave as soon as possible!!!! If it happened once it will happen again

Original poster
averageguy1 · 12/03/2018 14:16

Thanks for all the support as usual MNers are the best ..as said i will take it one day at a time i have been here before and moved on i am going to try and stay busy x

OP posts:
HarmlessChap · 12/03/2018 14:30

BIWI no she isnt beating anyone else it has never happened before

A similar thing happened to a friend of mine, it escalated, he eventually reported it after she attacked him in front of his terrified children.

Turns out that rather than "never before" she had a history of violent behaviour towards partners.

Original poster
averageguy1 · 12/03/2018 15:13

HarmlessChap... we only met 3 yrs ago and i dont know if its happened before she says not and has been messaging me today wanting me to change my mind .

OP posts:
Manylights · 12/03/2018 15:51

Its good that you have ended the relationship, but please reconsider reporting the assault and your injuries.

This will not be the first nor the last time she assaults someone.
If there is a trail, there is proof of her behaviour for when she injures her next victim.
There is also the possibility that she could turn this on you and accuse you of such behaviour, if she was so inclined.

Cover your back.
Consider future victims.