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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What now

158 replies

averageguy1 · 11/03/2018 20:10

Quick background been together 5yrs both early 50s never lived together...relationship has had the usual ups and downs as expected. We went out last night for drinks with friends had a lovely evening got back to mine and after a small disagreement over food my partner punched me in the face about 6-10 times on two occasions resulting in a nasty gash to my nose and cuts to my face i didnt hit back just took it.
Today my partner doesnt know why it happened and is very apologetic i am left with a dilema do i finish it which i know will be painful or accept the apology..i am not going to report it as an assault and i know what my advise would be to a friend if in simular circumstances but its so much harder making the decision when its your own problem ,

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 12/03/2018 15:55

I'll be she has... try to stay strong. Switch off phone if you need to!

hellsbellsmelons · 12/03/2018 17:30

Like I said, hard as it may feel - BLOCK - IGNORE - DELETE.

littletinyme1 · 12/03/2018 21:17

6-10 times!! Go now because it will happen time and time again. Noone hits someone that many times unless they have done it before.

Original poster
averageguy1 · 12/03/2018 23:38

Ok so all family know now so definitely no going back , its still not easy and i dont mind admitting its been an emotional rollercoaster today between feeling relieved and feeling like part of my life has gone . Hopefully tomorrow may feel a bit better .

OP posts:
smilingeyes79 · 12/03/2018 23:54

Confused.... 1st post says together 5 years now it says only known 3 years .... is this genuine ?

Original poster
averageguy1 · 13/03/2018 08:02

Sorry that was a typo from myself...this is a genuine post sorry for the confusion .

OP posts:
ThePinkOcelot · 13/03/2018 08:42

How are you feeling today?x

Screaminginsideme · 13/03/2018 10:48

Well done hun it really is for the best x

Original poster
averageguy1 · 13/03/2018 12:11

Same today and i can say i dont think i felt like this after my Marriage broke up it doesnt help that i work alone so its just me and my thoughts . I think its also the the feeling of 2 failed relationships which i never envisaged either would end up that way ....

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 13/03/2018 12:31

Sorry to hear that averageguy - maybe call a mate and arrange for a beer and a chat this evening? Or any of your family?

Gemini69 · 13/03/2018 13:28

aah okay... working alone.. you will be tormenting yourself remembering the good times... but also remember the night that brought you here ... You must be kind to yourself ... try to fill your hours with activities..
catch up with friends .. go to the gym.. not for everyone of course.. maybe reading will help.. but be kind to you Flowers

Screaminginsideme · 13/03/2018 13:30

Neither of those failures was your fault hold on to that.

BIWI · 13/03/2018 13:37

@averageguy1 failure implies that you did something wrong, or you're at fault for something. Which couldn't be further from the truth in this situation! Your partner punched you - not once, but twice.

You haven't failed. You've taken charge of your life. That sounds like a success to me.

letsdolunch321 · 13/03/2018 13:50

As others have said none of this is your fault. It will take time to get over - you mentioned she is messaging you to ask for forgiveness - this shows one thing to me you must be a good partner.

In time you will meet someone who appreciates you for you & they won’t be a bully

Original poster
averageguy1 · 13/03/2018 14:34

Thanks for all the kind messages , i am feeling a bit better this afternoon after a couple of messages we are both now sure its over and the best for all concerned. All social media etc is blocked so thats it done.
I do have a few hobbies that have been on the back burner a little bit so i will keep myself busy with that , hopefully on time i may pluck up courage to try again .

OP posts:
beboldbebluntbehonest · 13/03/2018 14:44

I am so sorry this has happened to you.
I could tell from your first post that you were still in shock and disbelief over what happened to you.
Absolutely shocking behaviour from your ex who should be ashamed of themselves.
Onwards & upwards. Good luck to you.

fannycraddock72 · 13/03/2018 16:05

I can’t add anything that others have already said, but I have to admit that I kind of feel slightly ashamed that I assumed you were a woman and your partner was a man. Regardless of sex you shouldn’t have to put up with that.

Ryder63 · 13/03/2018 16:50

Best wishes for your future OP. As a pp said - you must be a good partner for her to want to continue the relationship. I'm sure (when you're ready) the right one for you will come along Flowers

Original poster
averageguy1 · 15/03/2018 19:14

A quick update its been an up and down week i have had no work so been home a bit , had a really good chat with a friend today about lots of things over the last few years and he thinks i have been in a relationship with someone with a 'Manipulative personality ' not sure if that exists but it fits the relationship. Also it has taken me 5 yrs to realise that i was with someone who at best has a serious Alcohol problem or is a Alcoholic..its amazing what you cannot see happening all around you when blinded by love.
Its been a tough week but i know i will look back and realise that it has been the right thing to do .

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 15/03/2018 20:04

aww bless you Averageguy for having a friend good enough to confide in about these things.. many people struggle to confide and share such personal aspects of their lives..

we never see.. being on the inside.. the things 'others' see so clearly on the outside..

your first tough week is almost over yes.. onward and upward Flowers

PrizeOik · 15/03/2018 22:47

Bless you op you've been incredibly brave. Your friend sounds a gem.

Keep your chin up keep busy and it will all get better. You just need time to heal x

Original poster
averageguy1 · 15/03/2018 23:08

Thanks again for the support ..i was asked by a mate to have a pint tonight and watch some football i wasnt really up for it but went anyway ....Blimey i had two beers and my emotions went wild so i came home now in bed feeling like a wreck. Thankfully my Dd is back with me tomorrow until Monday so quality Dad and Dd time planned.

Note to self keep off the beer for the near future.

OP posts:
PrizeOik · 16/03/2018 16:25

I avoided alcohol myself for a good year or two after my big split. It doesn't really help anything. Even now I limit myself to 1-2 drinks on a Friday as it's just not worth the aggro should I be having an off day. You're doing the right thing.

I hope you have a lovely weekend with DD

Original poster
averageguy1 · 16/03/2018 17:53

I definetly will she has a friend from school over i have just cooked for them and i am going to have a keep busy weekend ..

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 16/03/2018 18:43

have a great weekend Averageguy1