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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Little Friend??

281 replies

FriendOrFwend · 06/03/2018 15:55

Been seeing someone for 3 months, things are going well. See eachother once/twice a week, speak every day, speak on the phone. He’s met my sister (not planned, we bumped into her on a date) and she loved him. We haven’t had a talk about ‘us’ yet but feels like it’s all heading in the right direction. Until today when he referred to me as his little friend in a conversation.

Now I can’t decide if he was being affectionate/jokey OR he does not see me as anything as other then a mate who he goes out with, has a good time then has sex with. What do people think?

OP posts:
holycheeseplant · 08/03/2018 20:47

Sees you as a lover and a friend I mean. Or just a term of endearment.

Original poster
FriendOrFwend · 08/03/2018 21:07

Thanks everyone. Still very undecided now about what to do. I’m swaying towards mentioning the friend thing in a jokey manner and just seeing whether he brushes over it. I have been a lot better today, spoke to him early this morning then didn’t hear off him for a few hours but I didn’t get anxious. I was just thinking rationally and trying to distract myself. So just trying to take it hour by hour.

Im going to have a good think about it tomorrow. I DO want to know where we stand and want to know if we are official but as I said before I feel like I can’t trust my own mind. Maybe I should just enjoy it for a another couple of weeks and go from there? I’m really excited to see him though. Going shopping tomorrow for a new outfit!

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 08/03/2018 21:32

Ask him. Three months is long enough and it’s ok to find out.

KarmaStar · 08/03/2018 21:36

Hi OP
I think it's just a term of endearment,he probably said it off the cuff and would be upset if he knew that you were bemused by it.
If just forget it and enjoy the dates!Smile

Original poster
FriendOrFwend · 09/03/2018 14:09

Soooo tonight is the night! Still not sure what I’m going to do yet because I’m a massive wimp Blush he’s picking me up at 4 and we’re going for food, cinema then a few drinks. I’m just hoping he brings it up but I doubt it

OP posts:
GracieJohnson · 09/03/2018 14:20

I agree with the others - I really don't think he meant it in a negative way. I guess at this stage it's also quite difficult how to call each other, so maybe he just wanted to say something cute, but not too affectionate in case you don't feel the same way?

TatianaLarina · 09/03/2018 14:22

‘Little friend’ may be a joke leftover from school, as people have pointed it’s a literal translation from French.

Personally I cannot be arsed with texts, not replying for days is no indication of whether I like you or not.

I’d forget about the phrase and just focus on clarifying the relationship status.

MrsGrindah · 09/03/2018 14:35

Can I offer a piece of advice? Only you can decide whether you say anything but if you do please don’t do it in a “ jokey manner”. It’s clearly important to you so don’t pretend otherwise. Also you’d be giving him an unclear signal which isn’t fair to him and certainly won’t get you the clear response you are looking for. What if he replies in a similar jokey manner? Then you’ll be fretting over whether he’s serious or not!

meowimacat · 09/03/2018 14:40

Tonight is the night for me too, FriendorFwend - good luck!!

From someone who said about 2 weeks ago that we needed to have the talk, and has since put it off, I can tell you it just has to be done! I've been really scared about it today. But I've decided that, I just need to know once and for all. The worst outcome is that he doesn't want to be with me - and if that's the case, I'd rather know now than continue to sleep with and give myself to someone who doesn't actually want me!!!

I guess for you it will probably be easiest to bring it up during the drinks, as cinema won't work and food may feel a bit awkward if you are sat across from each other.

I'm not quite sure how I'm going to approach mine tonight, I'm just going over to his and he knows I want to 'chat.' Ugh I hate the early stages of dating, although I guess it is somewhat exciting not knowing what's going on...but I'm ready for some commitment now.

Hope you manage to go through with asking him, and get the answer you want. I'll let you know how my night goes. x

HappyintheHills · 09/03/2018 15:55

Could it be that he put the little friend out there in the hope you would come back with ‘don’t you mean girlfriend?’?
He might be as uncertain as you

Chippyway · 09/03/2018 16:25

It’s been 3 months not 3 weeks. You are entitled to know where you stand. Also, at 3 months, he should know whether he wants you to be official or not. Personally I think if someone is unsure till at that time then you’re better off walking away

Bixg · 09/03/2018 17:26

I think you're getting some terrible advice here and it's clear that women tend to overthink things more than men.

He was being nice and affectionate in his 'friend' message.

Getting het up about texts is madness, he obviously likes you very much, you see each other a lot and text a lot (I think). Just enjoy things and wait a little longer as you really could scare him off if you get all serious with a 'were is this going' convo after 3 months.

You suffer with terrible anxiety - you know that this is negatively affecting your thought processes. I would talk things out with a counselor if you can. i say this as someone who goes through really bad periods of depression so I know what it's like to overthink and sabotage situations with my fears and negativity.

DO NOT listen to people saying you should walk away - that's fucking idiotic. Poor bloke would probably be horrified if he knew complete strangers were discussing his good/bad points on MN when he's merrily getting on with his life with his new GF who he's really in to...

YearOfYouRemember · 09/03/2018 19:04

You're only seeing each other. How more official could it be?

BelarusianDoll · 09/03/2018 20:57

I really hope I'm wrong but if he WAS testing the waters with the "little friend" text, then I think he'd have replied in a more flirty way. The fact he ignored it speaks volumes.

user1492877024 · 09/03/2018 23:03

Very odd.

esk1mo · 10/03/2018 00:20

sorry but

^Was he holding a big gun when he said it?

"Say hello to my little friend" ^

ive never read anything so funny on mumsnet before , im crying laughing 😂😂😂

esk1mo · 10/03/2018 00:20

italics fail...

honeyroar · 10/03/2018 00:24

I'm late to the party, and you're already out, but I'd have said chill out a bit, enjoy your evening and don't stress too much about asking. IT sounds like it's going well, don't let your anxiety spoil it.

Brickswithstones · 10/03/2018 01:50

How was your evening OP? Hope you enjoyed yourself

SparklyMagpie · 10/03/2018 07:20

Hope you had a lovely evening OP :)

Original poster
FriendOrFwend · 10/03/2018 08:56

Morning everyone. We had a brilliant evening I really enjoyed it. I didn’t say anything about us :( I just couldn’t find a time to say it. There just wasn’t a natural part in the evening to mention it. But we had a lovely time, we held hands and when we were very touchy feely and cuddly. I’m still very torn. It FEELS very ‘relationshippy’ but who knows. I’m feeling anxious again this morning for no real reason so going to take a tablet and hopefully feel better soon

OP posts:
Onecutefox · 10/03/2018 09:08

OP, it sounds good. He may have called you little friend as other names would have been less appropriate at that stage. Let the relationship progress naturally as to me it looks normal.
You could ask him in a jokey way if he told his parents about his little girlfriend? He may ask you if you had talked to yours.
Also little friends sounds much more respectable than little girlfriend.

Chippyway · 10/03/2018 09:13

I don’t think there was anything wrong with the little friend comment. That wouldn’t have ever entered my mind to be something bad.

However, what does speak volumes, is that you can’t have a conversation with this man about important things such as where you stand. If you’re good enough for him to put his whick inside you, you’re good enough to know where you stand.

What’s gunna happen if your relationship progresses and you have to talk about finances etc?
You need to work on your self esteem and anxiety problems. Communication is such an important part in a relationship but if you can’t even manage to ask him what’s going on, then to me that’s quite worrying.

AtrociousCircumstance · 10/03/2018 09:15

Don’t take a tablet - phone him up, be honest and talk to him.

Communicate with him! Speak your truth. Don’t swallow it and swallow a drug instead.

Original poster
FriendOrFwend · 10/03/2018 09:25

I think a lot of it stems from a ‘relationship’ I had last year. It lasted about 5 months and we were never properly together. In the course of then 5 months I asked him twice about where I stood and both times he said stuff along the lines of ‘I enjoy spending time with you but I don’t know where it’s heading’ or once he said ‘ I can’t make any promises as to where this is going’ and he made me feel ridiculous for asking him, like I was some needy girl desperate for a relationship. I know it’s a self esteem thing but all my anxiety tells me is if I ask him he’s going to think I’m needy. And I KNOW that’s not the case. The rational side of my brain knows this but the anxiety riddled part just won’t let me say it. Last night we had such a good time I just didn’t even feel the need to ask. We were just so relaxed and having such a good time talking and laughing I didn’t feel anxious at all. But then now I feel stupid for not asking him and that’s where the anxiety comes creeping in again :(

OP posts: