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Original poster

Little Friend??

281 replies

FriendOrFwend · 06/03/2018 15:55

Been seeing someone for 3 months, things are going well. See eachother once/twice a week, speak every day, speak on the phone. He’s met my sister (not planned, we bumped into her on a date) and she loved him. We haven’t had a talk about ‘us’ yet but feels like it’s all heading in the right direction. Until today when he referred to me as his little friend in a conversation.

Now I can’t decide if he was being affectionate/jokey OR he does not see me as anything as other then a mate who he goes out with, has a good time then has sex with. What do people think?

OP posts:
HipsterAssassin · 07/03/2018 18:38

I’ve got to say I disagree with meow re ignoring your response, my bf likes to have emotion-laden convos strictly face-to-face and if something crops up on text he will wait and address it later when together.

You’re all good! Have a fun night tonight. No drunk texting later. Lean on your friends. Have a great time on Friday —but don’t ask the question—

gettingthereshopefully · 07/03/2018 18:42

Is he French FriendOrFwend? Girlfriend in French is 'petite amie', boyfriend 'petit ami'. Have been living in France for 20 years and it always makes me smile then they translate into English 'little friend'.

topsy2tails · 07/03/2018 18:43

Good luck for friday friend! You too meow!! Keep us posted!

Shinycat · 07/03/2018 19:34

He's not that into you if he is calling you his 'friend.' How weird.

Pereie · 07/03/2018 19:44

Sounds to me like he is into you, its very endearing and is probably an indication that he doesn't know what to call you as you haven't had the 'girlfriend chat' yet.

Just bring it up. An easy way to do it is to talk about exclusively seeing each other and end it with, so you are my boyfriend yeah? If he says no, then your better knowing thats how he sees it.

ThisLittleKitty · 07/03/2018 21:07

Op has already said he is not French on the first page.

Hotdoggity · 07/03/2018 21:10

I’m pretty sure that someone who’s trying to cool things off doesn’t then write ten kisses.

Original poster
FriendOrFwend · 08/03/2018 11:27

Drinks with my friend were good! He was out with his friends and we spoke throughout the night (not constantly, just a few texts) and we’ve spoken this morning. Tomorrow is all arranged! I’m getting cold feet about asking now though. Maybe I should just enjoy it for what it is? And wouldn’t I come across as desperate? Aghhh I overthink everything. Feeling much better anxiety wise today though :)

OP posts:
HipsterAssassin · 08/03/2018 11:40

That’s great OP. Let it grow organically is my advice. How can anyone possibly know what one wants in the future from someone you’ve known only 3 short months.

It sounds brilliant. Time is all you need, let those roots grow. If you are both enjoying it (and he sounds like he really feels the same) then everything will be fine.

HipsterAssassin · 08/03/2018 11:40

I think you should not ask the question....

Pereie · 08/03/2018 11:45

Errrr, 3 months is plenty of time to ask if you are bf/gf official.

If it's what you want - ask. If it's not what he wants at this point, it's just not what he wants and at least you know where you stand and it's up to you if you want to stick around or not.

Original poster
FriendOrFwend · 08/03/2018 12:06

It’s not so much I want to talk about the future. I just want to know whether we are official. But I cannot trust my own judgement, I don’t want to scare him off!

OP posts:
Dozer · 08/03/2018 12:11

It’s not at all unreasonable to want to know if someone you’re dating or having sex with is or hopes to be doing the same with other people. If that “scares him off” then he isn’t into you.

Dozer · 08/03/2018 12:11

“Official” is meaningless: a relationship is either exclusive or not.

ThisLittleKitty · 08/03/2018 12:14

I would want to know. I've heard of too many situations where the woman thinks it's a relationship and the man doesn't.

AtrociousCircumstance · 08/03/2018 12:22

You can’t scare him off if he’s into you. You have every right to ask. Hope it goes well.

Original poster
FriendOrFwend · 08/03/2018 12:25

We’ve already both said we aren’t seeing anyone else

OP posts:
HipsterAssassin · 08/03/2018 12:28

Well in that case what do you want to know?!

You seem to be an item Smile

Mxyzptlk · 08/03/2018 12:29

"Little friend" in that text sounds, to me, like an endearment from a guy who'd like things to progress but is a little unsure about saying so.
I hope you get it all sorted out and have a lovely time on Friday.

Original poster
FriendOrFwend · 08/03/2018 13:21

I just want to know if things are official. I asked him last month if he was seeing anyone else and he said no. I suppose I want to know if we are boyfriend and girlfriend, official. Which I know makes me sound 13

OP posts:
Bexter801 · 08/03/2018 13:41

Glad to hear you had a good night out :) Why don't you ask in a sort of jokey way 'so am I just your little friend?!'

Mxyzptlk · 08/03/2018 13:47

If he does feel the same as you, he will be happy you've asked and given him an intro to say how he feels. Asking won't "put him off".
If he doesn't feel the same, it will be disappointing for you but it's better to know now than to keep wondering.

ThisLittleKitty · 08/03/2018 13:47

Yeh I do get you. I don't agree with pp who said being official doesn't matter as my sister was just recently dating a man they both said it was exclusive but then he turned round and told her that it wasn't a relationship though and that she wasn't his Gf after they had been seeing eachother for a while. When she asked him to come to her birthday celebrations he said he wouldn't be able to, she got upset and he said she had no right to ask she wasn't his girlfriend. So I can see why you want to know for sure.

AtrociousCircumstance · 08/03/2018 14:49

You don’t sound thirteen OP. You sound like an adult who wants clarity on her relationship. Don’t feel ashamed and I don’t even think this is down to your anxiety - it’s a perfectly rational thing to question.

You’re investing emotion and suddenly you feel unsure. It is rational to seek an answer.

holycheeseplant · 08/03/2018 20:45

I just wanted to say my Dh was very like this in the early days, very like hipster describes. Some of it was that he compartmentalises, some of it is that he's genuinely not great at texting (still like this now) and some of it is his self protection. Took a year to tell each other we loved each other and even then it was difficult.

I genuinely think the little friend is affectionate and potentially referring to the fact he also sees you as a friend - which is great actually, not just a friend as the cuddling after sex insinuates.

When Dh goes out he gets absorbed by chat and it both a) goes on way longer than he meant and b) he forgets everything else. a) has caused some rows actually but I always know he's just chatting and putting the world to rights.

Please try to keep some perspective or you will scare him; id not mention the friend thing actually, unless you can do it jokingly perhaps? I know my Dh was looking for someone who could be his lover and a friend so pls don't read too much into it.

I do get the anxiety; I had that and it was infuriating. I had to dampen my own feelings for him actually. Time just gradually reassured me.

We actually ended up moving in together about 18 mo later as it was so hard to see much of each other during the week or weekends. Also, I never got kisses on texts! Still don't!