Literally just saw a text on DH phone from my best friend saying lumu :(

[autismmumwithafamily]

What do I do.
Standing in the kitchen waiting for the kettle and my husbands phone beeps. It's a delayed text from midnight. It's from my best friend. It says 'nite gorgeous lumu'
I am stunned and my heart is going like the clappers. We have 4 children. She has been on family holidays with us, my children call her auntie. My marriage is not great but mainly because he's been foul to me recently. I can't even cry.

Whatever happened to sisterhood, it’s one reason I am quite wary of whom I am friends with , the nice single mum that worked part time for me and DH , within a couple of months was massively overtexting And whatsapping DH. It wasn’t sexual stuff more like her telling him all her personal life crap, but it was in my opinion way way too much and strayed into inappropriate with night, nights etc and the idiot was too embarrassed to tell her to back off and ended up deleting as fast as he could . I ended up getting rid of her recently , mainly for business reasons but I am disgusted at her lack of manners so not sad to see her go and yet on the surface she was someone I could easily have befriended

DO NOT text her saying you think he is having an affair. The first thing she will do is tell him your onto them. Personally I would have confronted straight away but if you want to wait it out then do not let them know your onto them.

I would also take screenshots of bank account balance as of today and be making an appointment with a solicitor for legal advice as you have children with additional needs and that can mean different separation agreements etc.

Don’t try to trick them, but if you can keep the phone to do a little more digging (go into his mobile account and check numbers called?) then by all means do that.

I’m sorry this is happening to you, you deserve so much more.

He was texting her while i was in labor

What an absolute wanker.

It's an old cliche but OP - you are better off without him. He can't hurt you any more once he's out of your life. Cunt!

Why shouldn't the OP trick them, Isadora*?

I would get my ducks in a row first if I were you. I would probably send a message back to her on his phone as though it's him to see what reaction you get, as a single message can be excused as an error on her part. Photos of bank accounts, payslips, mortgage or rent details. Get it all together.

If he has minimised and denied before he will do so again, so you need solid evidence. See a solicitor, research whether you can retrieve deleted messages on his phone. Don't let him know you know his phone password. If they are downstairs when you go to bed early could you creep down quietly?
If you have an ipad you can download a free "record" app - it may be possible on phones too. You could leave that to record downstairs when you go to bed - it only activates when there is sound

So sorry OP. Hope you manage to get a photo of the text so he can't deny it.

I stand corrected - it seems like there are a lot of accidental texters! However they seem to be instances of a conversation already being open etc, rather than adding the wrong name which is what was suggested above, and it still doesn't explain the deleted conversations with her

OP he was texting someone else while you were in labour?! He's a prize prick. You and your children deserve so much better than this.

Always remember, HE did this. It isn't you. You didn't force him into doing anything. It's HIS behaviour and HIS alone.

She hasn't got the prize, more the booby prize and you have now the opportunity to get rid of the dead weight.

Whatever happened to sisterhood

I ask this question to myself over and over.

I do not know. I would like to know how the woman who was shagging my husband could look me in the face and carry on as if nothing was happening. And her colleagues, they all knew too. Not one of them thought to take me one side and even mention it. Those same people right now, believing all the lies he is spewing about me. Not one of them has asked me if any of it is true. I work with these people too, so its not like they didn't know of my existence, in fact they don't seem to care how I am even doing.
But they will run around after him like a moth to a flame, but for what....... can't they see what sort he is, by him doing what he did to me. I do not understand it.

But, I try not to let it get to me. I stand strong and I will stand by any woman who is/has been in the same situation. We NEED each other.... why push each other away... god knows we lose enough when we go through something devastating like this. But for a so called best friend to do this, is the ultimate betrayal.

Take a moment at a time OP. You WILL get through this. You are strong and I know your life is falling apart in front of your eyes right now, but you have support surrounding you, even if it is not in rl, we are here, and we KNOW how you are feeling. Keep that head held high, keep posting if it helps you. x

I agree. She's doing you a favour and doesn't realise it. You need to cut this deadweight loose from your life.

What's the situation with the house? Do you own or rent? Whose names are on it?

Sad to read this OP. I agree with some pp to keep your powder dry and prepare paperwork (screenshots of statements Inc pension etc) because he's an untrustworthy fucker. And I would definitely quietly remove his phone and watch what happens next....act normal or fake a headache if you can't cover up your pain and shock. So sorry

I think you should like others have suggested loose his phone and speak to her say you suspect an affair. She will be onto him straight away.

You only have to read an edition of ‘take a break’ or as my h calls it ‘get a life’ to see that this kind of tomfoolery is all too common , particularly with undereducated blokes it seems to me, they seem to really enjoy pissing in their own patch , friends of wife, neighbours, wives of their friends etc

So sorry to read this op

Fact: Your husband is a naasty, selfish, cheating arsehole who doesn't give a shit about you.

YOU KNOW THIS.

You do not need to have this proven any more, in order for you to take steps to protect yourself and your children.

Yes, you will need to be armed to confront him - absolutely. But that's different. For yourself, your peace of mind - you already know. YOU KNOW!

So yes, get proof if you can, to confront, etc. But for yourself and your future - you are beyond that step, aren't you? So you can start to take action.

-proof of his earnings and any pension etc.
-access to bank accounts. Joint money? - can you get hold of it and keep it safe from him?

• whose is the house?

You are married, so you have rights. But do everything you can first to secure finances - access to accounts, and information for child support/divorce.

I know you won't want to think of these things right now but DO.

Others have suggested getting proof through her phone - would that be possible? You work together? - could you 'get your phone wet' or run out of charge, ask her to unlock hers and dial x number for you (bank is good, say you've had a weird charge and you need to see if someone's cloned your card?) - ask if you can borrow her phone and then get yourself in the loo or somewhere - even if you have to run for it! - and then get to her messages. Have YOUR phone with you so you can take pics. It might work very well if she totally doesn't suspect.

And I'd bet my house that he's cursing her right now for texting him. He'll be angry at her for getting caught out. Nice way to start a relationship.

You have the upper hand here now. It may not feel like it but you do.

And whatever happens

DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK!

*Don’t confront him. Don’t say anything. Act normal and look for evidence. You will find it.

Do not forgive him this time.*

Good advice.

As for ‘undereducated’ men being more likely to ‘piss on their own patch’. What nonsense. Men from all walks of life have affairs. It’s just as likely to be a company director with a first class degree. In fact, I know a highly successful business man who had an affair with his SIL.

The disgusting man texts another woman whilst you're in labour?? Wtf? And now he's having an affair with your friend ? The friend who knows all his crap because you've told her yet she still wants him and is able to betray you?

Seriously op, don't bother with more evidence. Any man who texts another woman whilst his wife is in labour has no sense of decency. Urgh

Yes do what @Badtimegirly says.

Go ninja

Meet up with her and swipe her phone. I don't care if it's Illegal

OP so sorry this has happened to you
So that's 2 affairs that you know of, there could be more.

Don't stay with a serial adulterer. Start making plans to get on with your life without him.

It may sound crazy but I'd be putting a spy cam in a couple of the rooms in your house.
Invite her over again on a Saturday or Sunday.
Head to bed early and check out what they get up to.
They can be really small and well hidden (and cheap) and you'll have your answer pretty quickly.

If you're at the point of spy cams, save the time and trouble and just divorce now.