Literally just saw a text on DH phone from my best friend saying lumu :(

[autismmumwithafamily]

What do I do.
Standing in the kitchen waiting for the kettle and my husbands phone beeps. It's a delayed text from midnight. It's from my best friend. It says 'nite gorgeous lumu'
I am stunned and my heart is going like the clappers. We have 4 children. She has been on family holidays with us, my children call her auntie. My marriage is not great but mainly because he's been foul to me recently. I can't even cry.

Keep quiet. Get evidence. I'm so sorry

Don’t leave the house. Tell him you know what he’s up to and to pack his bags and leave or you’ll message all of his family and friends and work colleagues and tell them what he’s been doing. Get him out. If you leave the house, he’s just going to move her in.

I would keep the phone for a day and see if anything else is sent.

What are they like when they are together?

Pair of bastards.

By playing mind games all you are doing is giving them a warning, I really don't see the point.

The best revenge in this situation is to hold your head high if at all possible and don't let your DH hide or squirrel money away.

Don't know if this is helpful, but I just thought you could check whether her message was in error by texting her from his phone pretending to be him (asking what she is up to, for example) and checking what kind of reaction she provides. But this would mean that you'd have to be prepared to face the consequences. Sometimes it's good to strike while the iron is hot, but I don't know if this is one of those situations.
Stay sane, OP. Big hugs.

I'm upstairs and he's downstairs. I'm just reading all your messages. I feel so sad. They are 'pally' but I didn't believe that they could be that cruel. She knows he is horrible to me, she's comforted me.
His last affair was right over the birth of my second disabled child. He left his phone in the hospital on the evening my son was born. I saw all these messages while I was in labour. Then my son was so poorly that was more important. He finished it with her. But looking back it's exactly that, he was texting her while I was in labour. I should delt with that, he said it was my hormones, that is was never physical (I'm certain it was but have no proof) This could happen again. My children are my priority and I fear for myself that I will just be told it was just banter and I'll let it go. But love, love you miss you, that's different isn't it :( :( :(

To OP

Open message and take a photo on your own phone/tablet/camera.

Tackle him when Kids out of earshot.

Why is she staying over with a couple on a Saturday night? Then you go to bed early and leave them to it? You obviously trusted them but I know that scenario would never happen with my best friend in a million years.

Genuine question - do people really 'accidentally text' people without realising it?

Yes. My phone screen went all weird a while back and I would do a text and press send and sometimes it would send to the last person to text me instead of the person to who it was addressed to! I have no idea how or why and I had to get a new phone...it didn't really matter when I sent a text for my sister to my friend, but when I sent a text meant for my dh to the kids piano teacher that was pretty bad!

But sorry OP, sounds like you suspect its not a mistake?

I'm so sorry you are going through this OP, it is horrible to be betrayed and also having to plan re finances and how to look after your dc's with additional needs. I would first and foremost talk to family or someone you trust and find a way to calm down and clear your head. This happened to my sister and it knocks you for six, it really does. Just remember this is probably the very worst bit (although there will be some tough times ahead) and you will get through it and it will get better. Too many ppl don't think through the consequences of their behaviour. Your dh has been a douchebag but if it's any comfort I would say there are many, many seemingly decent men who do this and get away with it, there's no knowing what goes on behind closed doors so please don't feel you are alone. Of course we are all here for you but in practical terms you need to first and foremost try and find some emotional support and then second start thinking about how it will work with finances etc with your dc. My sister found out and wasn't able to keep the thoughts to herself and confronted her dh straight away, but I think if you feel like you can then it's good to give yourself time to come up with a plan for the future. Take care x

but I know that scenario would never happen with my best friend in a million years.

Really;?..

I am so sorry this is happening to you x

It might be went to the wrong person but I doubt it. So sorry.

The more you write OP the more I can see what a horrible man he is. you need I am afraid to get over the shock of this and starting getting things organised. you have at best 24 hours before he misses the phone and either cancels the contract or asks you outright where it is and you wont be able to lie.

you have to draw on all of your strength now. if he is downstairs then start finding out how to get at the other messages and start changing all the passwords on anything where there is money. do it now and be ready because he isn't going to admit to what he has done and neither is she.

they are both liars and cheats. you must start thinking of them like this and treating them like this. he will do and say whatever he needs to to keep you on side. men like this follow a pattern.

Do you have any mutual friends that might have heard that she's seeing a married man etc?

I am so sorry. I would say nothing but get all my ducks in a row. knowledge can be a dangerous thing but it also gives you power. You have been given a heads up .......so use it don't waste it.

So sorry you're going through this shit OP. People can be so selfish and cruel sometimes. Keep talking to us and we will support you as best we can.

I'm wondering why on earth you're with him to be honest.

I would confront the friend instead of your husband first.

From what you've said about h is past track record, he'll deny everything and try to gaslight you and make you feel mad.

Confront the friend, just say "I saw the text you sent to DHs phone last night, what's going on?" and make sure you gauge her reaction. She'll be a lot less likely to lie and tie you up in knots. She's got less to lose.

I am out today but if you need to pm someoneI will be home tonight. Bastards

I'm so sorry OP, what horrible, horrible people.

How much support RL do you have?

Could this actually work out OK for you? He's horrible to you. Will you be happier without him? If you're just left to focus on your children and yourself witout someone around treating you badly?

Would he do his fair share of the care?

Genuine question - do people really 'accidentally text' people without realising it?

Yes, I have almost accidentally texted the wrong person a couple of times. On my iPhone the message preview appears at the top of the screen and if I touch the preview, it takes me to that conversation but if I just press the messages icon, it takes me to the last conversation I was on.

I am bad for reading the message preview, putting my phone down for a while and then pressing the message icon to type a reply without realising I'm on a different conversation.

I do not believe that this is what has happened in this case though.

I hope you have better friends that your best friend there to support you.

Really yes you should have ended your marriage after the last time, that said you were in a fragile place with your disabled son.

Get your strength together. You need copies of all bills and originals, organise your finances and then pack his things, change the locks.

Don't give either of them the opportunity for drama, simply tell the woman she is welcome to him. That will take the wind out of the sails.
They are truly welcome to each other.

OP. Yes LUMU is different. This is not innocent. TBH OP, you won't feel it right now, but this man sounds like a hound and you are better off without him.. Keep looking forward.