Literally just saw a text on DH phone from my best friend saying lumu :(

[autismmumwithafamily]

What do I do.
Standing in the kitchen waiting for the kettle and my husbands phone beeps. It's a delayed text from midnight. It's from my best friend. It says 'nite gorgeous lumu'
I am stunned and my heart is going like the clappers. We have 4 children. She has been on family holidays with us, my children call her auntie. My marriage is not great but mainly because he's been foul to me recently. I can't even cry.

My first instinct was to text the friend as suggested by Kahluha4me, but I agree that will give him an opportunity to cover his tracks. So hold off until you have proof.

And yes, do not forgive him again.

I just googled recovering deleted texts from an iPhone and it seems possible through iCloud or iTunes. No idea if this would work but might be worth exploring.

Can you access friend's phone?

Take your time, don't rush to doing anything. And try and find someone you can speak to irl. You need support. 🌹

Just wait, don't do anything while you are emotionally all over the place. You know his password. Remain calm and find out more. If you mention it now, they will go underground and you may never get the full story.

So sorry you’re going through this 💐

I'd have had it out with him immediately. I'd be too angry for anything else. Thinking of you OP and hoping you get some answers x

I feel all broken. Thankyou for the support x

Could you text her and say you found out he is cheating on you with another woman? She’d be shitting hwrself thinking wither you’re about to find out it’s herbor that he is going behind her back too. She’ll be bound to tell him - you’ll see their reaction.

Keep the phone. Tell her you've been shown evidence that he's having an affair with a woman at work. Watch the phone light up. She won't like the idea he's cheating on her too. Drive a wedge between them.

Softly, softly, catchee monkey

Say nothing, gather evidence, get your finance and future sorted first. Now that you know you will start to recognise other behaviour for what it is, and they may became careless in their oh, so, cleverness.

:(

Sorry about the typos!

I wouldn’t need the full story if it were me. If my OH was receiving messages like that from my best friend and they were deleting all the evidence then that would be enough for me to leave regardless of whether they had been physical together or not

I have received a message like this from a female mate, my name is alphabetically almost the same as her husband's and then she texted me immediately afterwards to say ooops wrong person.

But the very fact that your Dh has deleted other messages from your best friend about shopping etc rings alarm bells.

I would gather evidence, get your ducks in a row re finances and advice from a solicitor before you confront.

Bless you OP. I guess the kids are at school now.
You said H was at home today. If I were you I would feign a headache and at least have a lie down. It is emotionally exhausting going through all of this...

You say that demirose but unless you've been there and are the OP, you won't know how you'd react.

I'm sorry you are going through this OP.
It's absolutely shite.
What a pair of bastards they are.

Try to stay calm.
Think everything through.
Get your ducks in a row and then take action.
In the mean-time do all the digging you can.
Check his whatsapp etc....
His camera roll.
His notes.
His facebook.
Then go from there.

Keep your sugar levels up and keep yourself hydrated as the shock will hit you soon enough.
Keep posting here when you want to rant or let off steam.
Do you have anyone else in RL you can talk to about this?

have you kept the phone ? Id reply on it to her as your husband in some kind of jokey fashion she may come back and go oops wasn't for you.

Can you get hold of his phone and text her back pretending to be him. Something like 'morning'

Fairly bland and anonymous. See what she comes back with. Then you know for sure.

Take screenshots and delete so be doesn't know you're on to him. Get all your paperwork in order so when you're ready to act you have everything ready.

I think I'd do something like Drink said. Tell her you're worried your DH has been cheating and how could somebody possibly do that with a man who had four DC's. And how awful that woman must be. No morals whatsoever and lay it on thick.

You forgave him the first time. Why?
Cheating is the worst thing you can do to someone. it steals their confidence, their self esteem and it's just so unfair. He doesn't deserve you.

It’s not an accident. He and her are at it and probably have been since before she split with her hubby. It’s probably the reason they split. He’s got you looking after all the domestics and her stroking his ego/manhood. He’s got the world on a plate right? You as his cook/cleaner and her as his whore. It’s going on lots lately. I’ve got two friends who have had the exact same thing. Best mate, “auntie” to the kids, come on family holidays, known each other for years and years, start shagging the husband. One went on for four years and the other is still ongoing and in both cases wives are tolerant and forgiving and blaming themselves and keeping the house going with stiff upper lips etc. Screw that! Kick his arse out. Go and confront him and tell him to pack his bags and piss off to her. If she’s living with her daughter then that’s going to be great fun for them. Nothing like pouring a pan of cold hard water reality on a romance than making him live outside his comfort zone. That Saturday night they were making out and probably shagging while you were upstairs. They are getting off on the secrecy and thrills. Take that right away. No more secrecy. No more thrills. She wants him, she can wash his shitty underpants. It’s the only way you’ll get him back if you want him or what will happen is she will eventually find her own place to live and he will leave you anyway. Jump from your comfortable sofa right onto hers so make him do it when it’s not comfortable. And to everyone reading this never open up your life to a “best friend” women can’t be trusted so for gods sakes don’t make it easy for them to waltz in and steal your life. Never let another woman sleep over in your house unless it’s for a max 1/2 nights and they go to bed same time as you or they stay over with their husbands and never ever take a single woman on holiday with you!!! FFS! I don’t care if she looks like a gorilla. Just don’t risk it!

And your "best friend",,,,? Hahahahaha....she s a bitch.

I am going through something very similar to you right now and I have posted about it on here. I found texts and photos on phone and have other evidence. I know for sure it is emotional affair but am not sure if physical. I am sorry to hear that this is happening to you. I agree that you should try and gather more evidence before you confront.

Don't engage. Get them to sort out their sordid affair. Of course this will 'cement' their relationship.

and support. He obviously doesn't respect any woman and she's his new squeeze.

for you. Take good care x

And stay in the house, do not leave!