Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Literally just saw a text on DH phone from my best friend saying lumu :(

561 replies

autismmumwithafamily · 06/03/2018 07:00

What do I do.
Standing in the kitchen waiting for the kettle and my husbands phone beeps. It's a delayed text from midnight. It's from my best friend. It says 'nite gorgeous lumu'
I am stunned and my heart is going like the clappers. We have 4 children. She has been on family holidays with us, my children call her auntie. My marriage is not great but mainly because he's been foul to me recently. I can't even cry.

OP posts:
ClaryFray · 06/03/2018 19:29

Oh op. It doesn't look good. I'd personally not be able to help myself but say to her I think he's having an affair. See her reaction?

Your friends so it wouldn't be out of character of her to do that.

ClaryFray · 06/03/2018 19:29

Oh op. It doesn't look good. I'd personally not be able to help myself but say to her I think he's having an affair. See her reaction?

Your friends so it wouldn't be out of character of her to do that.

babyfreenight1 · 06/03/2018 19:36

Can you get a hold of his phone if you do decided to confront her so that you can see if she rings or calls him immediately after

babyfreenight1 · 06/03/2018 19:37

Can you get a hold of his phone if you do decided to confront her so that you can see if she rings or calls him immediately after

loveyoutothemoon · 06/03/2018 19:39

I agree with the ones saying to get more evidence. Get his phone again, might take a while, there's bound to be more texts to use as evidence.

Wherearemymarbles · 06/03/2018 19:46

Might have been suggested but if you can access the phone location services. If its an iphone it will tell you where he has been and when and how often. Imagine android phones have similar.

Crazyladee · 06/03/2018 19:48

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

I also can't believe how many threads there are on MN with people in similar situations.

Not to mention the amount of replies from people who have been cheated on. There are definitely a lot of scumbags around Envy

Crazyladee · 06/03/2018 19:48

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

I also can't believe how many threads there are on MN with people in similar situations.

Not to mention the amount of replies from people who have been cheated on. There are definitely a lot of scumbags around Envy

TheRealCinderella · 06/03/2018 19:50

What an awful situation, I'm so sorry, an affair is bad enough but with you best friend is the worst betrayal from both sides. Swipe her phone OP she's less likely to delete the messages as she has no one to hide them from.

TheRealCinderella · 06/03/2018 19:51

What an awful situation, I'm so sorry, an affair is bad enough but with you best friend is the worst betrayal from both sides. Swipe her phone OP she's less likely to delete the messages as she has no one to hide them from.

Wherearemymarbles · 06/03/2018 19:55

There are some apps that can recover text messages as well as the are not necessarily deleted from your phones memory. Shame its not whats app as most people actually archive their messages thinking the have deleted them. It may be worth opening whats app and doing a search for words like lumu or love etc etc. Anything archived and not deleted will turn up.

MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly · 06/03/2018 19:59

I think I'd just say to her - I've seen the messages you sent to dh, do you want to tell me what is going on?

I understand the posters above stating that you should be confronting him, but it sounds like he would just deny it and then cover his tracks. At least you might get the truth this way.

ScattyCharly · 06/03/2018 20:02

Use your own phone to photograph anything you see. Messages on his phone, his phone bill, anything on her phone.

I’d try and get her phone. Eg say yours is out of battery and could you look at something on hers or make a call, or ask to look at photos she has that you might want sent to you etc. You need proof otherwise they deny it.

What terrible shitty behaviour from them.

Sophionaliv · 06/03/2018 20:12

I stayed with my partner for 22 years for 'the sake of the kids' I would say that we should have parted after 10 years really as I don't believe we were in love anymore, just plodded along like couples do, work, eat, sleep, repeat. Then he walked out 2 years ago. It will end eventually, your trust has gone, and tbh I really wish I had the courage to have ended it years ago, I think when the kids are smaller they adapt a little better, my 3 girls are all teens and I know they feel abandonment issues due to how he left. I was devastated, but not heartbroken. More scared as to how I would cope, financially and with my DD's. But 2 years on and we are coping as will you if you chose to. I understand how terrifying it must be to think you will be solely responsible for both of your sons welfare without support, but things do have a way of working out I promise. My DD's all have mental health issues and the eldest has mild Asperger's. It's not easy I am not going to lie, but you are worth more than being treated like this. I really hope you can work out exactly what you are going to do, but please remember your own worth in all of this and your DS's will love you no matter what as you sound like a devoted and wonderful mother too. Take care and feel free to PM me x

honeyroar · 06/03/2018 20:15

I'm really sorry. It doesn't sound good, yes texts get sent in error, but they're usually followed by a "omg sorry that wasn't meant for you!" Or by the recipient saying "look what X sent me! Don't think I was meant to get that." In this case nothing was said...

I think you sound very sensible. Thinking of you.

Ickyockycocky · 06/03/2018 20:34

I hope you are ok OP?

bonnielassie1 · 06/03/2018 21:07

I would text her and say something along the lines of ‘I think dh is cheating on me’ just to see her response

Ledkr · 06/03/2018 21:10

If you get her phone you could change his number for yours or another phone you have access to then you can see the nesssges?
My mate did this and caught him out good and proper

CherryMaDeary · 06/03/2018 21:24

I would gather evidence and paperwork first. Don't give them a chance to plan by confronting them without proof and papers ready.

NextIndia · 06/03/2018 22:01

You've been on my mind all day OP. I know exactly how you must be feeling right now. I can't believe he's done this to you with your best friend, after you having forgiven him before in what were already unforgivable circumstances. There is a better life for you and your DC. You have to believe this. Thanks

MrsJoshDun · 06/03/2018 22:02

Love the idea of changing the number in his phone or her phone. But you would have to change your number as well in the same phone as that number will already be in the phone!

Carrotgirl999 · 06/03/2018 22:19

Hi OP. I don't have much to add that others haven't said, only that I went through a difficult time a couple of months ago and in the midst of it started a thread, and the support was amazing. It gave me strength the entire time that I wouldn't have had alone, and I really hope it can do the same for you. Mumsnet can be a good family at times.

Also, what a pair of twats. Thanks

Thinkingofausername1 · 06/03/2018 22:22

How are you op?
I've been thinking of you today. I'm sorry it wasn't a genuine mistake as originally discussed this morning with folks Thanks

Mrstobe90 · 06/03/2018 23:19

I'm so sorry you're going through this! Ditch them both! You deserve so much better xx

Mrstobe90 · 06/03/2018 23:19

I'm so sorry you're going through this! Ditch them both! You deserve so much better xx

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.