Literally just saw a text on DH phone from my best friend saying lumu :(

[autismmumwithafamily]

What do I do.
Standing in the kitchen waiting for the kettle and my husbands phone beeps. It's a delayed text from midnight. It's from my best friend. It says 'nite gorgeous lumu'
I am stunned and my heart is going like the clappers. We have 4 children. She has been on family holidays with us, my children call her auntie. My marriage is not great but mainly because he's been foul to me recently. I can't even cry.

Don’t for one moment think your dh and bf won’t be THAT cruel!

All to often I see cases of best mates having affairs with their bf partners.

My exh parents spent holidays, evenings with another couple, The were, all 4 of them, best friends. Both married for 20 years to their respective partners. My ex df and the best friend of the other couple, his mums best friend had an affair and ran off together. No one saw that coming!

But, it may well be a case if the wrong text to the wrong person. I’m constantly sending texts to the wrong people. So keep an eye on everything.

With regards to your dh behaviour when you were in labour certainly leads me to believe he’s fully capable of being g a complete heartless test

Are you ok OP?

I also think it's been going on since before she left her husband and the affair was the reason. He probably told her he can't leave the OP yet due to the children.

The fact that the phone was left on the side was because they have a system going between them. OW/ BF can openly text him after 8pm at night as they both know that OP is in bed and none the wiser. This 'stuck' text that was sent at midnight has unravelled their sneaky work. The fact she's using the words love and miss is a sign that this has gone rather far.

Do not show your hand op. They will tag team against you and I fear you're in for a rough ride. They are awful awful people who have massively betrayed your trust.

Please, I beg you to get legal advise and collate evidence before you confront. They are treating you like mug. It's so heartbreaking.

He and her are at it and probably have been since before she split with her hubby. It’s probably the reason they split.

I also think it's been going on since before she left her husband and the affair was the reason. He probably told her he can't leave the OP yet due to the children.

Jesus - give OP half a second to deal with this moment she's in right now before you start speculatively making it worse, no?

How are comments like these even remotely helpful?

OP: do you have another friend you can go visit and confide in? You shouldn't feel like you're dealing with this alone.

I'm also an accidental texter. I rush and just double tap everything and they go to the wrong people.

I once went to send a friend the message

"G.A.Y. is really good on a Saturday night "

I just sent " GAY " to the first A in my phone book. Someone I had worked with and hadn't seen for a year.

Use this knowledge to your advantage op, and the old mn adage get your ducks in a row. You know the password so you can randomly check for future msgs. Prob best to get photo evidence of this one. But essentially get your things in order so when the shit hits the fan (and it will do) you and your children will at least be financially prepared for it.

Really sorry you're going through this, OP. How awful of them. I hope one day they'll be deeply, deeply ashamed of themselves.

I understand why some posters are saying "don't bother getting more evidence, what you've seen is enough", but I suspect you'll start to question whether you're being paranoid, especially once they start denying everything. It's a normal human reaction to start to doubt yourself and try to explain it away.

I think somebody said something similar further up the thread: that she would have wondered if she was going mad if she hadn't got all the proof to look back at.

I hope you have someone you can trust to help you through this. Remember we are here to hold your hand if you need it.

This is just horrible. I'm so sorry OP.

Gathering evidence and keeping cool (for now) is definitely the most sensible thing to do, but I'm not sure I personally could!

What's happening now? Keep posting. We're all here to support you x

I hope you find out really soon whether it's a genuine mistake or if there's something going on, and I hope it's the former for your sake.

If it is the latter though, we're here to support you, so many of us have been through similar, and the 'not knowing but suspecting' bit is hellish. I hope you find some answers soon

OP, I am so sorry to read about what you are going through.

There are only two people who know for sure at the moment exactly what's going on. But I do know that it is possible to text someone accidentally. I have done it a few of times - in these cases, messages have always been sent accidentally either to the person I most recently texted or to the person who's next to the intended recipient in my phone's phone book. I hope very much that this is what has happened in your case, and that your "Friend" (if that's what she really is) intended it for someone else. What makes it particularly hard for you is that your husband has already had an affair, and that his behaviour towards you has been unkind recently. Thinking of you.

They are gonna mess with your emotions over this OP, they will deny it and try and make you look nuts.

Tell them you know everything, had someone download all their seedy little txts from the last few weeks and watch him squirm.

I’m sorry but a text sent in error would have been immediately followed with an oops that was meant for someone else. I’m sure most of us have sent a text to the wrong person..I know I have a couple of times to my boss when it was meant for my partner and always I have sent an apology straight after.

Whatever happened to sisterhood

^
Just this, really.

I think it is here in spades - not the BFF obs.

So sorry OP.

Very sorry to read you are going through this OP.

Some really good advice on here, from others who have had to deal with their own situations, which is so upsetting to read about.

Totally agree with getting your ducks in a row. Copying any legal documents, mortgage details, statements, passports etc etc and/or moving them somewhere they will be safe. Seeing a solicitor for advice etc. Do you have the means financially to be able to do this, without him having visibility on bank statements etc?

Do you have family nearby that you could rely on and that you could confide in?

One other thing is if he is so foul to you anyway, ending the marriage would not be the worse thing in the world. It sounds like you already have so much on your plate to deal with that you don;t need someone being unkind too!

Stay strong OP. Deep breaths. Make sure you eat and have plenty of water.

I also agree with another earlier poster, than when you do chose to confront him, say as little as possible. He'll dig his own hole!

this is disgusting OP.. what a filthy hard faced ice cold dirty pair of scumbags....

Hi OP, I know you've been given tons of advice already... May I add the following:

If you decide to go down the divide route, you MUST be the one to start the proceedings. Whether you do it on grounds of unreasonable behaviour or have enough evidence to do it for adultery, the person who starts the proceedings is more in control and what's more can get the other side to pay costs if they decide to play silly buggers and make it difficult in court.

I'm really sorry this is happening to you. He sounds like an appalling husband, and not much of a partner at all. Good luck

*divide?!

Divorce...

Genuine question - do people really 'accidentally text' people without realising it?

Yes, I almost texted my line manager (who is young enough to be my son) to tell him that I wanted knickers for Christmas. I would have been in seven colours of shit if that text had gone to him instead of my DM. To this day, I cannot work out how his name got on the top of that text. His name begins with J..... Mum.... J...... No, still not seeing it.

Seriously, OP, I’d be either hiding in the bottom of the broom cupboard or inventing some painful means for both of them to die in your position (and if it involves bits of phone, so much the better). But I’d take MN advice, get evidence, get a lawyer and get his stuff delivered to her house.

She's not your best friend OP. She's a c**t

Did you screenshot the message yet? Do you have his phone still?

I hope your doing OK OP, what an awful shock.
It doesn't look good at all. I really hope it's a big misunderstanding but if not, get your ducks in a row and get him out.

he said it was my hormones Wow. All your fault that he had an affair while you were pregnant.

Are you sure you want this man? Kick him out. Make sure he parents DC 50% of the time, so you don't end up the drudge, and make a new, better life for yourself.