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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

OH in prison.. When does it get easier?

131 replies

heatherxo · 03/03/2018 14:54

I feel absolutely broken! My OH got sent to prison almost 2 weeks ago, and is remanded until his next court date in April, when he could possibly get up to 2 years.
I feel like I'm falling apart. I'm 30 weeks pregnant and my mental health isn't very great right now and I just feel like everything's turning to sht. Yes it's all his fault, yes he's fcking stupid! But I need him, especially now.
I don't even know what I'm wanting this post to achieve, I guess I just need some reasurance that everything will be ok...
😭😭

OP posts:
statetrooperstacey · 03/03/2018 15:00

They are usually warned of worse case scenario sentencing. So it will very likely be less than that.
Time on remand will also be taken off his sentence. So it's good in a way he is remanded as he is getting a head start as it were. Shit for you though. So sorry.
Chin up though, you can't change anything. So you have good friends? Family? Is your mum about? 💐

bookwormish · 03/03/2018 15:00

Hi OP, I won't go into my own situation but I've been there. Hard to say if it gets easier but you do find ways to manage it. You do need to focus on you and your baby right now, and your mental health is a priority. Do speak to www.offendersfamilieshelpline.org/
and family lives (they amalgamated with action for prisoner families a while ago). They were a great support to me throughout.

statetrooperstacey · 03/03/2018 15:02

And he will obviously not serve his full time. If he behaves.
Just try and find any positives you can in your situation and be kind to yourself.

Original poster
heatherxo · 03/03/2018 15:06

Thanks ladies. It's just hard right now, we're both young, and I'm struggling with my emotions and looking after 2yo ds.

I don't have friends and I rarely confide in my mum as she's not really understanding - especially the mental health side of things.

Thanks for the link book, I'll definitely have a look

OP posts:
ThisLittleKitty · 03/03/2018 15:11

Whats he going to prison for?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 03/03/2018 15:16

Did you really just ask that?

I hope OP tells you to piss off! It's none of your business, her life isn't being run for your titillation. Shame on you!

Branleuse · 03/03/2018 15:17

Whats he going to prison for?

dont feel you need to answer that if you think you might be harangued into leaving a relationship that you want to stay in OP.

I dont have any experience of a partner going to prison, but I hope youve got support xx

ThisLittleKitty · 03/03/2018 15:19

Excuse me but I was actually asking to wonder why the op is planning to stay with a man that commits a crime and then goes to prison leaving his pregnant partner to give birth and look after there children alone. ANd it sounds likes she's planning on waiting for him. Madness.

Original poster
heatherxo · 03/03/2018 15:21

If you must know - he was caught with a small knife that he was using to harm himself, because he's going through a very hard time right now and felt like he couldn't cope anymore.

OP posts:
statetrooperstacey · 03/03/2018 15:21

That's not really what she asked though is it.

SnowBusinessLikeSlowBusiness · 03/03/2018 15:22

The sounds highly unlikely. Nobody gets a custodial sentence for that, unless they have multiple previous convictions for violent crime.

Grobagsforever · 03/03/2018 15:24

When did our country get so messed up that a man can be sent to prison for harming himself? Owning knives is not illegal.

OP I gave birth alone due to DH death - it won't be as bad as you think and will absolutely find the strength to get through

SnowBusinessLikeSlowBusiness · 03/03/2018 15:25

Its not Hmm

Growingboys · 03/03/2018 15:26

Custodial sentence for self-harming.

Really?

Wellmeetontheledge · 03/03/2018 15:27

Whatever he’s done or not done is not her fault and has no bearing on the support she has asked for.

Op, can you ask his solicitor if he’s represented any similar cases and ask what the most realistic scenario will be? If you feel more involved in what’s going on you may be able to mentally prepare yourself better.

DextroDependant · 03/03/2018 15:28

So sorry you are having a hard time OP. If you haven't really got anyone to talk to can you get a family support worker? Ask at your children's centre, they are volunteers that you can talk to and lend support.

As for sentences, he is unlikely to get 2 years, they have to give worst case scenario. If he pleads guilty straight away he gets a third off and then will only serve at most half and could be eligible to get out even earlier on tag.

Ubercornsdiscoball · 03/03/2018 15:28

Is your 2 year old his child too?

I would be furious with him rather than feeling broken and wondering how To cope. You need more RL support

Original poster
heatherxo · 03/03/2018 15:28

So sorry to hear that Grobags Flowers
Guess I'm just totally freaking out at the idea of being alone, I had awful PND after having DS and I'm terrified of the same happening again

OP posts:
Branleuse · 03/03/2018 15:31

you will be ok. You will get through it. If he behaves, he will get a shorter sentence. You will still have contact.

Do you have family around?

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 03/03/2018 15:32

Your GP and MW will be mindful of your perinatal mental health given your past episode
Do discuss the current stressors you’re under
And I wish you well for your pg.get the mw to refer you to baby groups

Original poster
heatherxo · 03/03/2018 15:33

ubercorn - furious that he's had a mental breakdown and wants to end his life?
No. I'm upset that he felt like he had to hide his emotions from me and pretend he was doing ok.

OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 03/03/2018 15:34

Excuse me but I was actually asking to wonder why the op is planning to stay with a man that commits a crime and then goes to prison leaving his pregnant partner to give birth and look after there children alone. ANd it sounds likes she's planning on waiting for him. Madness.

But that isn't why she posted. It would have been nice if you had been able to offer her the support she did ask for rather than judging her for his actions!

OP I hope you find real life support. Don't think you have to explain anything here. Good luck

Ubercornsdiscoball · 03/03/2018 15:36

But the up to 2 Years for a small knife doesn’t make sense. And he knew he had a pregnant partner (plus maybe a 2 year old).

It’s not all about him. He had issues. But so do you. I would be furious yes

SnowBusinessLikeSlowBusiness · 03/03/2018 15:38

ubercorn - furious that he's had a mental breakdown and wants to end his life?

Furious because there is no way on earth that is the reason he is going to prison for two years.

Blackteadrinker77 · 03/03/2018 15:38

Do you have friends around you?

Can you go to some local parent toddler groups to get to know other young Mums? They can be a great source of support.

Does your OH have legal representation?