OH in prison.. When does it get easier?

[heatherxo]

I feel absolutely broken! My OH got sent to prison almost 2 weeks ago, and is remanded until his next court date in April, when he could possibly get up to 2 years.
I feel like I'm falling apart. I'm 30 weeks pregnant and my mental health isn't very great right now and I just feel like everything's turning to sht. Yes it's all his fault, yes he's fcking stupid! But I need him, especially now.
I don't even know what I'm wanting this post to achieve, I guess I just need some reasurance that everything will be ok...
😭😭

Sorry atsea, I'm just in a shitty place right now and my mood swings are terrible.
I am a cery secluded person, so I suppose having no "friends" is my own fault. I do attend young mother's groups, etc, so I do have "friends" there but I prefer to keep them just at the groups.

I understand I need to look after myself first, which is exactly what I'm gonna focus on right now.
I have an appointment with my psychiatrist soon, so I will mention to her. But she already suggested referring me to the antenatal mh team, as well as still seeing her, this was just before christmas - so just before all this happened too.

Thanks for all the advice ladies

So sorry you're in this position.

You say you're financially ok, does this mean you have enough money to pay for a decent lawyer? In all honestly, from what you have said, it doesn't sound like he would still he held in custody.

As for your situation, is there anyone who could be your birth partner and support? I would consider contacting your midwife and letting her know, because she'll need to be informed anyway at some point, but might be able to point you in the direction of some support especially with your PND history, also maybe see your GP. When I was pregnant with my first I had recently come off anti depressants and was offered an appointment with a community psychiatrist, which I went to, there was lots of support they offered even though I wasn't technically a concern at that moment. As it goes it i didn't need at support and I never had any depression since, but it was good to know there was non-judgmental support available if I should need it.

If you want to rant or talk feel free to PM me, I do understand this must be a really difficult time right now. I hope it all gets resolved soon and your partner gets the right support he needs. X

Can't believe the number of armchair lawyers on this thread. Wake up people. If you're not white British middle class, your chances of ending up with a custodial sentence are a lot higher than a professional from the Home Counties Judicial and police boas is alive and well, just look at stop and search stats.

However this thread should be about the OP and what she needs. I've given birth alone OP as my partner couldn't be there. And it wasn't great but it was ok. I got through it. If there's any high risk element to your pregnancy though I would suggest you have someone with you. Even if you have to pay a doula. As if there are any problems you may need someone to advocate for you.

Longer term, I think you have to hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Hopefully he will get a short sentence reduced further by time on remand. But if not, you need to look after yourself and your children while he's away. Can you speak to your GP and engage with the mental health team to put extra support in place? Something so that you don't feel so alone and isolated which obviously isn't going to help potential PND.

I do wish you all the best x

www.emailaprisoner.com

Hi OP,

Many years ago before DHs MH diagnosis there were 2 similar incidents to what you describe. In the first instance he was most definitely a threat to the general public as well as himself and was told to expect a long prison sentence. He was told that the only reason he wasn't help on remand was that he lived alone and was basically on house arrest via Tag. If we had lived together they would have held him on remand. In the actual event he had a glowing pre sentance report from his probation worker (He was already on a suspended sentence for something else) and a psychiatric assessment obtained through his solicetor/courts that stated a custodial sentence would be severely detrimental to his mental health. The judge on the day had a reputation for harsh sentences, however in the event he was given a community sentence. Speak to your DPs solicitor and ensure that the psychiatric reports are made available to the judge pre sentencing.

The second occasion I managed to pursuade the police officers to take him to hospital via section 136 of the mental health act, instead of arresting him but it wasn't easy. One of the officers was adamant that he had to be charged with knife crime and the 2 officers had an argument about it. It was only because he hadn't actually left the house with the knife and there was no one else in the house with him at the time that this officer eventually backed down and agreed to take him to hospital.

Neither of these incidents resulted in a him being detained in hospital under section, a mental health diagnosis, or any mental health follow up. It was years later that he was diagnosed with a psychotic disorder and given treatment.

So yes OPs story does ring true and hopefully OP things won't be as bad as it sounds right now. Definitely put yourself and DC first. That's the only way that you will be able to support your DP is to look after yourself and your own mental health because if that goes under you won't be able to support anyone else. Reach out to all the support on offer through support groups, mental health services and social services. DH and I both have mental health problems, yet manage to support each other well most of the time and have professionals who support us if one or both of us are floundering. I love him and wouldn't change him for the world despite some of the silly choices he has made in the past. Do what Is right for you don't listen to the sanctimonious advice you are getting from people who have no idea about your life or this situation. Feel free to PM me if I can be of any help.