OH in prison.. When does it get easier?

[heatherxo]

I feel absolutely broken! My OH got sent to prison almost 2 weeks ago, and is remanded until his next court date in April, when he could possibly get up to 2 years.
I feel like I'm falling apart. I'm 30 weeks pregnant and my mental health isn't very great right now and I just feel like everything's turning to sht. Yes it's all his fault, yes he's fcking stupid! But I need him, especially now.
I don't even know what I'm wanting this post to achieve, I guess I just need some reasurance that everything will be ok...
😭😭

I think it's fair enough if someone posts their partner has been remanded and is likely facing a two year custodial sentance for self harming and being suicidal that people question it.

The op would have been better to say she would rather not comment, and that's fair enough, or make up something you do go to jail for of she felt she had to say something. I can't see how it's nit picking. Plenty of folks with mental health issues on here and you can't tell them this is what happens if you become suicidal. It's simply not. You are sectioned or a mental health crisis is brought in. The government doesn't throw you in jail and it's an awful suggestion.

I'm going to be very honest here OP and express suspicion about someone being remanded until April if they have mental health issues. Prison is not the place for them. I also am aware that until the case is heard in court, he may not be telling you the truth. So instead of focusing on any potential "injustice" going on, I think you need to 100% focus on yourself and getting through the coming few months, possibly years. Talk to your GP and midwife and express your fears about PND and coping alone. And try to reach out to anyone you trust to get some practical help. I'm really sorry you're in this awful position, but you do really need to switch focus .

OP - I am going to imagine your back story is that he has left you and you are going to be a single mum.

So, yes, you will be fine. Go and speak to your midwife and ask for support. Then make sure your health visitor is aware and then your GP in terms of your mental health. Put plans in place to meet other mums to be or existing mums. When baby comes, make sure you have someone who loves you with you (friend/relative). Go to your local children's centre regularly for support and do not be afraid to ask for help.

On a side note, a person "carrying a blade" (it was not used to threaten anyone) where I live recently got 8 weeks prison and he had a history of offences. It is unlikely you have been told the truth about your OH as 2 yrs and being on remand now is for more serious knife offences.

My partner was jailed when he was younger for having a small knife at his foot. They are making examples of people carrying knifes these days regardless of self harm or not. OP the 2 years is a worst case scenario. My DP was reduced from 4 years to 6 months and served 3 months and was released. That was also a first offence. People are on here have no idea what there talking about. The police don't care if the knife is to hurt yourself. If your caught with a knife it carries a jail term regardless of criminal record. I hope things get better for you

Seems odd that he has been remanded for being in possession of a small knife?

I’m guessing this isn’t his first offence? A 2 year sentence seems a lot for a first offence of having a knife?

Did he even explain why he was carrying the knife? Was a mental health assessment done?

The woman was threatened with prison for wasting people's time though. Motorways having to be closed as she threatened to jump of a bridge.

If your caught with a knife it carries a jail term regardless of criminal record

100% not true. Not even slightly true.

Many of us know how MH, MHA, criminal justice,and sentencing works
The deal here is the op,how she she can seek support,not the veracity of dp explanation
And op doesn’t need to get sidetracked into explaining his narrative,it’s about her at the mo

Sorry for being nosey, I’m just a little shocked, I know they are tightening up on knife crime.
I hope you manage to find some extra support from people around you and I hope his sentence is reduced to a few months and you get him home so you can enjoy your baby together.

The op said:

he was caught with a small knife that he was using to harm himself, because he's going through a very hard time right now and felt like he couldn't cope anymore."

She didn't say "her partner has been remanded and is likely facing a two year custodial sentance for self harming and being suicidal that people question it."

She mentioned the knife being the issue right at the start of her sentence.

OP put yourself and your children first. Get some real life support. Son’t Even think about your OH until support for yourself is in place. You owe it to your children

snow it does. I was at my own partners court case and the judge clearly explained this. My partner was a first offence. Carrying a knife in public is illegal don't you understand That??? It carries a 4 year maximum sentence for possession alone. I've been through it believe me.

One of the cases on my jury service was a guy who had been caught in the street with a knife. They must have had a reason to stop and search him though. Was he in an area where stop and search was happening openly? Or behaving suspiciously? (Don’t have to answer, just wondering aloud.)

Anyway, the offence was carrying the weapon, not owning it.

No, it really doesn't. I have seen many many cases of people having weapons, when they are used for self harm no custodial case has EVER followed.

Yes, carrying it is illegal. Even if you have it hidden in bag or pocket. They must have searched for a reason though unless he had it out in which case that’s a different offence.

Snow the guy in my jury case got 18 months.

Really sorry you're feeling so down, OP. Be strong for your LO and your unborn. Best of luck for the future

I also know someone who has ended up in jail for self harm - not directly, but because the act involved something illegal. She was on a 'safe wing' in prison - I hope the same is happening to your partner OP, although both your partner and the women I knew should of course have been actually given support not a custodial sentence.

I am disgusted at those who have used this thread to attack you.

Is there a charity or support group for women with partners in jail? If not there should be. Right now the main thing should be that you need to find a way of getting by. I would say that you probably need to get in place lots of strategies to get by - do you have a hobby you can do with your children? Can you get out for long walks? Make time to do nice things that you can enjoy.

Is he young? Like 18-25 age bracket. In which case they have seen it as carrying a weapon, which carry's a sentence of 6 months for the first strike to four years for the second.

Does he have a criminal record OP? That's a question for you to answer for yourself not here, It'll help you prepare for what may come. Could be six months, but the projected sentence says he's been in trouble before.

Chin up OP. You can get prison voicemail scheme which allows you to leave each other voicemails when ever you need to, may help.

snow I'll let you believe what you want but id rather listen to a judge who knows what there talking about rather than a random person on the internet.

Op everything will be ok. The 2 years will be a worst case scenario. It's very very unlikely that with a first offence he will serve the full sentence. With time in remand he may even be allowed time already served. There will be a family support unit in the prison he is sentenced to if he is put in jail. These people are a massive helpful resource especially if you have young dc. Please try your hardest not to stress yourself out especially for your new LO @Heatherxo

" he was caught with a small knife that he was using to harm himself, because he's going through a very hard time right now and felt like he couldn't cope anymore. "

well that is not true is it?
Nobody would get two years and remanded in custody for self harming.

He’s likely to get a year max OP, unless there’s previous. With good behaviour he’ll be out in six months less remand time. It’s horrible for you right now but it won’t be for long and hopefully it will be the only time.

Hi OP, were you in court when he appeared and was held on remand?

If not could he be lying to you about being in prison - could he be in a MH ward?

There is a possibility he was arrested under a section 136 which is an arrest for a person's own safety. This happens when the Police believe an individual may cause significant harm to themself.

He could be held under a Section 28 of the MH Act which allows a detention for up to 28 days whilst a person is assessed by MH Professionals.

Is this a possibility?

*speaking as someone who has been arrested and held under the mental health act for carrying a knife..

OP I don't mean to get at you by casting doubt on his version of events, but.....you need to put yourself and your child and baby first.

doula.org.uk/doula-access-fund/

I know three doulas in the north west who have worked for women through the access fund and one of them I know has in the past supported a woman with a partner in prison.

It’s worth having a look for any local services, not just doulas, specific to your area too.