OH in prison.. When does it get easier?

[heatherxo]

I feel absolutely broken! My OH got sent to prison almost 2 weeks ago, and is remanded until his next court date in April, when he could possibly get up to 2 years.
I feel like I'm falling apart. I'm 30 weeks pregnant and my mental health isn't very great right now and I just feel like everything's turning to sht. Yes it's all his fault, yes he's fcking stupid! But I need him, especially now.
I don't even know what I'm wanting this post to achieve, I guess I just need some reasurance that everything will be ok...
😭😭

This is real life,not mn life where folk fret about piano grades & school catchment
And you know what people keep on keeping on in adversity,absent partners,and criminal justice
So there is no point speculating the minutiae of why her partner is in jail

This is real life,not mn life where folk fret about piano grades & school catchment

The people fretting about those things is also real life. Partners in prison is not real life for most people, and the reason OP has said is not real life either.

He wouldn't go to prison for posing a threat to himself. He would have been sectioned or had mental health support.

Sorry op, I don't think you have thr whole story if he's been remanded and facing two years then it wasmt himself he was hurting.

He's not on gaol for self harming, he's there because he was carrying a knife which is illegal so those of you disbelieving the op should wind your necks in.

They are cracking down on knife violence and part of that is prosecuting those who carry them. Using a knife for self harm would not be a 'good reason' for carrying a knife which would then make it lawful.

Op, the fact that he was using the knife to self harm can be used as mitigating circumstances for a lighter sentence if he is convicted. There is also a chance that a jury may not convict him, depending on where he was caught, eg if he was caught a short distance from home, but no public around.

This is not the thread for people to fucking pry and insinuate. If you dont believe, then move on. The risks of you being wrong and making someones shitty situation worse for them, are far greater than the risk of you not finding out enough gory details to satisfy you or someone not telling you their fucking life story.

Obviously we don't know if OP is choosing not to disclose the real story but it is important to understand that people do not get remanded or a jail sentence for having a small knife to self harm with. This relationship will be hard work , put yourself and dc first.

I would have thought a mental health referral was more appropriate than a custodial sentence, in the circumstances you describe.

I’ve seen more support for folk fretting about piano grades and school catchment
She’s pg,scared,and has a history of pnd.The backstory about the partner isn’t relevant

Does it matter? OP didn't ask about staying with him! She wants reassurance - and this isn't AIBU!

OP there were a couple of really good posts on page 1, I hope you can find something useful there.

He's not on gaol for self harming, he's there because he was carrying a knife which is illegal so those of you disbelieving the op should wind your necks in

Nope, that isn't how it works.

You don't go to jail for self harming. You simply don't.

It doesn't matter what he has it hasnt done, this thread is about the Op not him. He is in a place where he gets his meals, heating etc and doesn't have to pay bills. The Op isn't and she is asking for advice and support, not help for him. Be kind people.

She’s pg,scared,and has a history of pnd.The backstory about the partner isn’t relevant

OP was the one that said things that are not true, she derailed her own thread. But yes, it should be left alone now.

OP, if I would you I would speak to social services to see what support you can access. There are also several groups available:
www.gov.uk/support-for-families-friends-of-prisoners
www.familylives.org.uk/about/our-services/action-for-prisoners-and-offenders-families/
www.barnardos.org.uk/what_we_do/our_work/children_of_prisoners.htm

Yes it is about OP which is why I am saying I would be angry with him and that she needs further support. She needs to get support for herself and her children, not waste energy worrying about him at the moment. That can come later

Why on earth, on a site where we aim to be supportive of one another, are you picking at the reason why the OP's partner is going to prison. Does it matter? If you have an issue with the thread hit report.

Op sounds like hell even without the knitters by the guillotine above. Can your midwife direct you to help? Lots of posters on here over the years have been in your situation. Keep posting.

OP, I know it isn’t what you posted for but the explanation doesn’t make sense.

People who have been trying to harm themselves in public are detained under s136 for mental health assessment by police.

People where there is no evidence they pose a serious risk to the public are not remanded, they are bailed.

People with no track record don’t get a custodial sentence for carrying a knife and even repeat offenders probably wouldn’t be looking at 2 years just for having a small knife on their person.

I do think it is relevant to your question re how you cope with this.

You won’t do yourself any favours by falling for this idea that he is suffering great injustice and being penalised for being suicidal.

What you need to do is try really hard to step away from his drama not get further drawn into it.

Some of the ideas people have given re offenders families organisations and family support workers are really good but fundamentally what you need to prioritise is getting RL support for you, your DS and your upcoming birth.

Have you heard of doula’s? Many doula’s will provide free or really low cost antenatal, birth or postnatal support to women who have a partner in prison.

And that Offred is much more like it! Raise questions, offer support and no judgements, no comments of "madness"

Fuck.

Something similar in the paper last week about a lady being threatened with prison as she had threatened to jump off a bridge twice before.

That's awful OP.

Have you seen him yet OP, I wonder if that would help a bit to be able to place him. I agree find help where ever you can HV charities even the prison may be able to point you in the direction of some support.

Is there no prisoners' partners welfare groups you can speak to who will have other people who have faced the same problems as you have and you won't get all this nit picking about what he's supposed to have done or not done.

Having a knife in public is illegal (except certain circumstances) and can lead to being sent to prison. Especially if someone has previous.

Self harming isn't against the law but once a knife is in a public place things can happen that werent intended.

Hugs, OP. Be very gentle with yourself

Pack it in with the detective snooping thislittle.hows it help a pg scared woman?
The partner backstory really isn’t the issue here. Signposting to appropriate support is