NC Dignity Club part 8: still wearing our crowns

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

Hopefully nobody else has started a thread, if so feel free to ignore this one

I’ve bought two books - The Narcissist You Know and Codependcy for Dummies!! Hoping they will stop me getting into the same mess when I next meet someone.

Having to fend off messages from a POF guy who I foolishly gave my work FB details to, as we’re in the same line of work. He’s now constantly messaging and sending me pics and videos of him & his DCs. I feel like he’s overstepping some boundaries but he has said he’s just looking for mates etc and understands if I’m not ready to date. Need to work on fortifying my boundaries I think. Wouldn’t mind if it were the foxy young one that I wanted to shag!

More snow here at the mo, so another quiet day in tomorrow, which is always hard. I ended up in tears putting away laundry earlier as NC ex bought me lots of my clothes so they all remind me of him. Been watching TV is a minefield as we had so many Netflix series etc on the go, everything reminds me of him

Reading that article about loving him/loving myself really hit home. I’ve been going over all the awful things he said to me but it’s just making me angry and making me feel stupid for still loving him. Maybe I need to make a list of all the lovely things too, so that I can remember a more balanced relationship and allow myself to grieve instead of feeling stupid for being so gullible .

As for the ghosting thread, tbh I’m all for ghosting when someone is overstepping the mark. It’s one of the things my ex hates about me, that I am able to completely cut him off, no calls, no messages etc but when you’ve explained that you want out, you don’t owe anyone your time and attention. If you think that trying to explain to them is going to cause more harm than good I can see why just shutting it down seems like the easier option. I’m currently wondering how long I should leave answering the POF guys last message to get the idea across that I’m not up for a flirtation. Tbh if I never reply and he doesn’t say anything pleasant to prompt me to, I’m ok with him saying I ghosted him!

It's a bad fracture , DS is getting a cast and probably a minor operation later on 😣

Bloody that article is really helpful - particularly the part about often our emotions stemming from our thoughts rather than the reality of the situation.

What is that quote? I have many times thought myself out of happiness, but never into it.

Thank you for the welcome, Belonger :)

I'm finally getting round to watching The Crown and loving it. Claire Foy is my new guru of cool!

my relationship hope the books help. Telling someone you want out, then ignoring them, isn't ghosting. Ghosting is when everything is seemingly fine and you just disappear. Completely different. I think boundaries is a major theme on this thread. Please let me know what you think of the books. I am thinking of getting the one about men liking bitches. Hope your new little stalker gives you some peace. Always the way that the ones we don't want, want us.

teens bless him! Hope it isn't too painful and you get out before the drunks start coming in. Like that he is playing it cool with his admirers.

I just saw replies to another thread along the lines of wake up woman what is wrong with you. Honestly love that we are all so much nicer to each other on here. As if someone needs knocking further when down. Back to that quote of real queens help each other straighten their crowns.

Will check it out belonger as need a new box set to watch.

Welcome squiggle

Welcome Squiggle

Seshi have you heard from him today?

My it's flipping typical the foxy one isn't the one chasing you!

How are you Anxious?

Ah no Teens sorry to hear that. My DD fractured her ankle just before Xmas. She is flying around now though

We're home now

Not thought of drunks somehow Anxious guess we escaped before

NK
I had my left eye twitching for few days and it's always before something bad happens. It's so annoying because I feel anxious but can't prevent shit happening at all.That also encreased my anxiety re my NC.

@belonger the crown is fab! Enjoy @nk no nothing from him today so he was clearly drunk and wanted an ego stroke... Feeling a bit bruised again... And my left eye has started twitching lol

Ok what is this left eye twitch teens and seshi? Seshi, sorry he has bruised you a bit. It shows on.some level he is interested but you deserve more lovely.
teens glad your DS is out. My Ds had a similar break then op but luckily no pins needed. Hope yours is ok too.
NK I am ok thanks. Surprisingly pmt hasn't driven me to do anything crazy. Maybe I am finally learning. How are you?

Any chance he'd have forgotten he was talking to you Seshi?

Wonder what the eye twitch is Seshi and Teens.

Anxious well done with the full moon and the pmt. I'm grand thanks. Enjoying watching a box set tonight, relaxing and not thinking too much about NC

@nk lol 😂 yes he is such a piss head he probably did!! He kept bringing up this guy though who he was obsessed with thinking I was sleeping with when were together... We weren't at all but he won't believe me....

seshi yes so he has been thinking about you. It will come back to him. Hope you are ok.

Glad you are good NK any box set recommendations from you? Got crown from Belonger.

I just started watching liar. Seems ok so far. Like a good box set to help keep the thoughts off other things. It started snowing here again tonight.

Anxious I'm watching Save Me on demand on Sky Atlantic. It's excellent.

Seshi he is thinking about you if he is contacting you

I'm watching MODUS.
I love a bit of Scandinavian crime drama.

My NCs wife posted a video of him and their son sledging today..
Seem like a normal happy family, no wonder he's cutting me out and have no time to read my message and reply..

aaargh!
teens all you need! Poor lad, hope he gets on okay with recovery.xx

exH has finally got thru snow and come to 'help'.
I still cooked dinner. I still had to sort out dd's meltdown. I also was the one to run outside on the ice when one of the dc had a big bump on the trampoline. But, hey he took them for a walk for an hour... when he got back he melodramatically announced 'what time he was leaving tomorrow' in front of the dc's and said: 'that's ok isnt it?'
He is also going around sniffing dramatically. He gets ill when I have an Operation. Each time, funnily enough. If I sound bitter - I am!
Wish I could go NC with him.

Teens sorry about the video. Maybe he had a lightbulb moment and has decided to try with his family. Still doesn't excuse him for what he did to you and his wife.

Basseting your ex sounds very trying. Can the kids never go to him?

teens a few days after my H left we all went sledging. To any onlooker they wouldn't have known. All it means is he was sledging with his DS. That is ALL you can tell from that. It doesn't mean he is happy with his wife or that he deserves his cake and to eat it or that he doesn't long for you. It still must have stung though and especially after such a hard day.

Basseting what a hero your H is hope DC's are ok now. Will he let you have a lay in in the morning? My H currently has a tummy ache because I have period pain. Men.

Thanks all for tv ideas currently watching boxing with my eldest boys with live demonstrations from them.

NK he still lives in our marital house. I moved out and rented. He's just had 3 days off work (snow related) and he comes over and huffs and puffs. The kids dont want to go over there (partly their stuff is here but also because he is a bit rubbish - ok for 'a walk / cinema trip' but more than that he isnt much good. The type of Dad who'd forget to feed them when they were little. Ds is asd and would panic when I went to the loo etc until he was at least 8. H would tell him I had 'gone to the moon'. Git. He asked to see the wound on my foot 'to see how it is healing' and said 'oh, not much then'. I said to him today i might need much more major surgery and would need to decide Tues (when I see surgeon) and could he take kids and he was' well i guess so'. I have NO faith I will be able to recover whilst he looks after them. How hard can it be anxious to let you be ill without him being 'poorly' too? Pah.

Thanks also for TV suggestions.

myrelationship Yes I think that is the idea from that article - let yourself remember the good as well as the bad but not so much that you get maudlin! The love is in you - sounds twee but hey ....

teens oh no sorry to hear that about op ! Modus - love Scandi thrillers

squiggle that's good to hear - sometimes we just need to take a different approach to things

anxious yes agree - so many horrible comebacks on that thread

NK am going to watch Save me too . I am watching Requiem - bloody scary in parts

I am still feeling somewhat detached although he has been on my mind all day but at a level somewhere near my feet as opposed to in my head if that makes sense . I just pray that I wake up like this tomorrow again and yay I have done a "proper post "

final whinge (promise)
I tried to talk to him about me going on a couple of training wkends (I need to go back to work and need some recent qualifications).
He said 'maybe in a year or so,but not yet till youve got the kids are settled in new school' (due to change this summer), 'so we'll see'.

What i see is how easily i fell when DOM,told me i was clever and wasted and need to get back to work as I have lots to offer

Anxious boxing with demonstrations sound fun 😁
Thank you for your sensible approach , your comments really help.

My DS was acting all proper in the hospital. I was offering him food I bought in the shop: sandwich,eclares and choc buns :he said he's not hungry but emptied the bag as soon as we got home! 🤣 even got into a minor fight with DS2 over eclares lol, he's still a child albeit 6 foot tall one..

Bassetting your H sounds delightful..is he still divorcing you or found new threat?

bloody glad that he is by your feet and not your heart or head. Keep going.

basseting moan as much as you like. I can't believe your H! So frustrating. Can you be more forcefully with him? Saying it can't wait a year and that he needs to step up. Yes it does show how where H wasn't supporting your mind, you found DOM attractive for doing so. Is there any chance you can stay in hospital for your bigger op so that H has no choice in helping? As seshi has said before, wish we all lived closer do we could help out.