NC Dignity Club part 8: still wearing our crowns

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

Hopefully nobody else has started a thread, if so feel free to ignore this one

Hi squiggle and welcome to the thread. Hope it helps to post here, we're all at different stages on different journeys but we're a supportive and non judgemental bunch. Good to have you with us

belonger I read that blocked thread too and felt sorry for the OP. Yes, ghosting is a message but it shouldn't be thought of as acceptable. She just needed to hear that he was wrong and not worth it and that she should leave it. Bless her.

too right 'ghosting' isnt a message. it is the very absence of one and is hugely cowardly. how much effort does it take to say:'all well but dont feel we can continue as before. so sorry. hope life is kind to you.x'
(or similar?) disclaimer I have not read the thread so dont know if that would be enough for the person in her circs.

I've just read that blocking ghosting thread..its very easy for an outsider to say I would move on after one message got no reply and it's crystal clear it's an answer.

Guess it depends on the intensity of feeling towards the person and nothing else.

I have been a dumper, I have moved on pretty much straight away after a message wasn't answered by someone..

But in my case this time round it's very different and not easy at all.

I feel those comments are not helpful at all

I had a different response to the thread and the original post, I feel that ghosting is a communication, albeit an unkind and not constructive one. But it is a clear communication of who the ghoster is, and how little they think of the person they are ghosting. I couldn't understand why the poster kept going back for more.

belonger I only hope my kick ass attitude is still with me tomorrow

Belonger
I wouldn't read that at all into ghosting.
Certainly not that they think so little of the one they are ghosting.

It's more about ghoster unable to express their feelings in acceptable way, don't want to say those harsh words and hoping the other person will just disapear so they don't have to feel guilt and face the consequences of their actions.

Don't worry bloody, if it isn't you can reread today's messages and remind yourself of how you're doing today!

I agree with you teens, I'm sure cowardice and taking the easy way out are a big part of the motivation

I know a nice man who had a really close female friend. After years, something twinged in them both and they kissed. He got scared. Pushed her away and was really horrible to her and then ghosted. He is still really upset about this. He regrets it deeply and knows he was wrong. I told him to apologise as never to late, but to accept that she might not accept it. He always says that he will one day but still hasn't. This is why I never listen to if he wanted you enough he would move heaven and earth theories. Generalisation but men do often regret but don't have the capabilities of expressing it. He ignored her subsequent messages even though he still really wanted to make up with her.

I guess I'm less bothered about what someone might be feeling deep down. If they are someone who can't overcome their sense of guilt or shyness or whatever it is to apologise, then I wouldn't be interested. I think it's in that way that I would take ghosting as a communication. A clear communication of 'I am someone who is not mature or articulate enough to treat you well'. I think that's why I don't understand going back for more. Am very happy to agree to disagree and am genuinely happy that we all have different views though, it's really useful to learn how we all interpret things differently!

@Bloody you really are kicking ass today! I want a bit of what you are on! Some really great stuff on this thread today.... Do any of you go on other threads and think god how much nicer and kinder we are on ours? The compassion I get from you ladies is incredible. @basseting how are you? I actually managed to get my car today and have been out in the real world! Well surprise surprise nothing from NC today.. He was obviously pissed. I have decided that I will message him once more tomorrow to ask him if he wants the ticket or not and if he blanks me then I know for absolutely sure there is no going back.... I already know the answer.
On a positive note I pick up my new car tomorrow... It's my dream car... A mini have wanted one for years and I thought fuck it!!

I'm sorry but here is another of these articles :

tinybuddha.com/blog/emotions-meant-fluctuate-shouldnt-judge-feelings/?utm_content=buffer37e2d&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

The theme ? Don't judge yourself for feeling low or bad or desperate .

Exciting about your new car seshi! Really glad you got out into the world today. I hope you get some clarity about NC, one way or another

seshi Yay a new car - exactly Fuck it ! Good for you . Sometimes we just need to do these things . I am the kind of person who usually needs my nose rubbed right into that shit to accept it . I think with the aid of this thread I haven't done that this time . I am SURE the day count of NC has helped!

belonger Yes I can reread my posts from today if needed and say "where is that woman?"

I won't lie - he is still there in my head chatter but at a lower volume and I am more able to say "NO I am not going to go there" when my mind starts to wander into sexy little memories . I also deliberately left town today so that I did not wander into him by chance - went elsewhere and may have treated myself to a couple of things for when Spring comes !

belonger not disagreeing with you. I would love to be able to just move on from things and not go back for more, honestly so love to hear other views. The OP in that thread isn't getting the message as I don't think she regrets her drunken actions at all. If i had chatted to someone on a dating app and they disappeared it wouldn't bother me at all. It is only once it has crossed a certain line of communication.
I do agree that our thread is so much kinder than some others. We tell truths without calling each other stupid etc and it is from a genuine place of caring and support which I love.

@belonger thank you @anxious I have even told my friends about how fab this thread is and what lovely people are helping me get through this shitty time x what's everyone's plans tonight... Bath and a bit of TV for me and DS I think...?

I'm still in emergency room , just went to the shop to get a bit of food and we're settled here for the evening lol.

Being entertaned by watching young girls trying to get my gorgeous DS's attention ..when did he grow up into a superfit young man?? Lol

Aww teens how is your DS reacting to the attention? Hope you get out soon.

seshi glad you got out but sorry NC has been a dick. Just going to sledge some of DC's friends home. Fun fun.

Enjoy your evening everyone and in admiration of all of your strength

Oh he's blanking everyone out by being glued to his phone.
Some patient just had gas for Pai relief and been laughing uncontrollably and made everyone else laugh too😂

I'm home tonight ( as per usual ) - bath at some point plus food ( I may have bought an Easter egg and may eat it ) and am watching stuff on Catch up . Might order some shoes online that I saw in M and S that they didn't have in my size instore and there's 20% off.

teens what a pain having to be in there . I'm sure you are seeing all sorts though

Ugh Teens sounds like a really long day. You'll be exhausted by the time you get home.

Anxious I will be careful thanks

Bloody I also bought an Easter egg!

@Bloody buy the shoes! @teens hope you get home soon xx