NC Dignity Club part 8: still wearing our crowns

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

Hopefully nobody else has started a thread, if so feel free to ignore this one

Thanks for new thread mygast

Hi teens lovely to see you here! my feeling are similar as in.it was October I last saw/touched him so very annoyed with myself for still being so caught up at times.

oldbrook glad you can see the progress from the first thread.

parting enjoy your farmer date

bloody felt sorry for some of the women in that link as know the despetation but it was also funny. Thank you

ravens I used to look at those get you man back things when H left. It is horrible to take advantage when someone is so upset. Glad your tightness sensible head won through.

zoo great idea! Hope you can get it through work. Let us know how call goes.

belonger glad you feeling less sad tonight

Hi all just checking in - have moved and won't get internet til next weds! so will have a proper read then . . . keep wearing your crowns! xxx

Hello everyone feeling crap today. Have so much to do in the few week , moving house (not packed anything yet) can't seem to get going on it. Job transfer to a new area. I really need to it though as i'm away most of next week for work. Moving van is coming on the 13th .All i can think about is NC and how much i want to talk to him....why would that help me? Sat here surrounded by moving boxes etc. Crying like some silly teen for a man that doesn't care. Jesus i'm a 50 years old why am i doing this? I had so much and risked it all for what amounted to nothing. What the hell is wrong with me?

Morning day 9 NC. Hope the move went well user - that should keep you busy. And good luck with yours olik. oldbrook glad you’re calm after the contact and thanks for your thoughts.
Aim today is to practice putting him out of my mind for short periods and focus on being positive. I may not be making it, but I’m trying to fake it. Good luck with the NC everyone.

Morning all!

Oldbrook I don't think he is/Will respect your boundaries. He's basically just ignoring your wishes and not taking you seriously. That's not good.

How's everyone else this Morning?

Well myself and NC have been in constant contact over the last few days. Just nice and funny exchanges. Which has been lovely as I've been stranded in the house with H. So when myself and H are officially separated (or are we now I don't know) and I'm ready I need to find myself someone like NC. Someone who I can have a laugh with. H is very uptight, self conscious and has anxiety. He has worn me down over the years. I need to meet a best friend I can fancy.

Day 23 here - I am running out of hands to count it on .

I still think about him and I am not going to berate myself for doing so . He was still in my bed in January and was 24/7 in my mind for 7 months so not doing too badly I think . I am not going to look at WhatsApp so often although I have a full weekend ahead of me messed up by weather and today is a day I would normally have seen him ! I feel as if I am beginning to emerge from some kind of "toxic cocoon" which is a good thing though ! Going to try to divert myself by watching some catch up but also am going to try to get out without breaking a leg ! I feel a bit in limbo as just waiting on some details of my divorce to finalise . That of course adds to the general uncertainty I have about my life .I also feel very tired at times . I don't know if anyone else gets like this ? I wonder if it is "catch up" after 7 months of angst, joy , stress, sex, not eating and general intense emotion where my every thought was about him and "us" . On the whole I am feeling pretty positive . The alternative was that I would still be seeing him and not even knowing that he was married !

Hope everyone has a good day ! I'll be on here for sure.

Well done on Day 23 Bloody

Thanks NK and as regards your contact - well whatever it takes to get through this is what I would say but just be careful x

I do sleep well though which is good as I spent most of the past 7 months unable to sleep due to the stress and emotion of it all . Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it ? I think I was literally "lovesick".

I'm on day 1 again after crumbling after too much wine last night. But actually talking with him was quite dull, I'm hoping I've realised he's just a man, nothing more. He's not my soulmate or my saviour, he's just a bloke with the same faults as anyone else.

Thanks Bloody. I am trying to be careful with my heart but don't think I'm doing a good job. It's hard when all I'm hearing is nice things. But he's not mine, and I'm not his. I need to remember that.

Oldbrook I think I might need to read that article myself as my own aren't too hot.

If I can offer any hope to anyone then I think as the time passes their appeal does lessen and they do become less of this "grand passion" that we have in our minds and you see them for what they are - as you say gast "just a bloke " . New day, new start .

This

I've read this article a few times now and it keeps coming into my mind every now and again so thought I would post . It's coming at things from a different way .

tinybuddha.com/blog/the-key-to-letting-go-of-your-ex-love-them-more/?utm_content=bufferacbe4&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

Some of it is a bit weird but I like this :

"But love didn’t come from him. Love came from me. It was always inside of me, this feeling of being connected to the world. I mentally hired him as the deliveryman of that feeling and suffered for years, because he wasn’t coming and bringing it."

and this :

"It’s a chance to separate our desire for love from our expectations about where love comes from. Heartbreak is an opportunity to look at what we believe we’ve lost and realize that, maybe, we’ve never actually found it."

Morning ladies thought I had lost you and panicked!!, @teens sending you a hug. Don't know if you have caught up with us all but that flipping fall moon and beast from the east has affected us all this week. After NC of 17 days I crumbled and basically went crazy ape shit at him on what's app!! Have been feeling terrible. Anyway he messaged me last night... He was drinking... And obviously horny...he kept going on about a guy who I worked with who he used to be convinced I was cheating on him with... Then said he would come to the concert with me. So I am confused and trying not to get my hopes up
... But it was weird as I really went for him on Wed? Anyway crown is back on.... And I am trying to read too much into it as he was drunk

@Bloody I have just read that article and it made me cry x

oldbrook am feeding off your strength right now with your boundaries ! I don't want to sell myself short either .

Oh dear seshi yes these things can do that . I know it is written by someone young and about a first/young relationship but there is something in it that tugs at me. I don't quite get the "love them " bit but I LOVE the "love is in me " bit . I think the "loving them" bit is a key in letting go e.g. I can say " I did have great times with him , he was great fun at times, he did have feelings for me of some kind and yes I did for him so yes I "love" him for those aspects BUT the negatives are many. " However I do not hate him . He needs to become a fond and "loved" memory .