NC Dignity Club part 8: still wearing our crowns

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

Hopefully nobody else has started a thread, if so feel free to ignore this one

oldbrook that's good to hear about taking on a new challenge, I think I'm definitely ready for something. Maybe something completely out of my usual way of thinking about myself. Watch out world!

It's funny about your spot - I remember various times when I was mid-fling and due to meet my NC, and I'd get a spot or put my back out or something. I thought at the time 'my body is doing everything it can to stop me seeing this guy'...

Morning, everyone!

Oldbrook - the ticket thing is so tricky - how do you feel now?

Teens I had a nice day yesterday too with dc. nothing grand but quietly nice and very relaxing. makes me realise how rare it is!
.
Belonger NC is painful. relentless. doubtmaking. depressing. and ultimately the only answer. Hope you feel brighter this am. You give so much* to this thread my lovely!.x

ginger you are not hogging. no such thing here. you need to say it out loud / write it down imo to make it more real.

Ravens my heart goes out to you, it really does.x

Sheshi how are you sweetie? (I'm a bit emotional today, all these endearments are not very MN! but I feel 'close' to people here so there!)

I am tearful. Ds was (unfairly imo) left out of a school trip to London. This am at drop off i noticed that a child had dropped out. I came home checked timetables and called school to say we could use the spare ticket as I could get ds there under my own steam. School replied that the ticket had already been allocated to another child so dont bother. I am sitting here vibrating at the unfairness of it (3 kids from same family are 'randomly picked' for 1 of 8 tickets? my arse!).

but also, had we gone, i could have gone to see DOM for a couple of hours whilst ds busy on school business.

I will struggle to do anything now today yet I could have arranged to whoosh 2 kids to London in 20m if needed. (it WAS about ds honest but I am bothered by how sad I am not to be going too :(

Awww @Basseting I'm sorry you're sad. Shit for DS but honestly probably better for you in the long run.

Just had a lovely chat with my mum (didn't talk yesterday as I was working) - articulated my feelings about disengaging from ex and yes you are right. Saying it out loud matters. I think if we keep it all in our heads, it's so easy to dismiss.

My mum has been married 5 times and made some very poor parenting choices which caused me a great deal of distress but I understand she loved/loves me but was terrible at putting us first. We've gone through some difficult times - I can be very prickly and confrontational and she didn't like that for a long time but we found a way through. I forgave her and she listened, acknowledged and understood.

So she really does try to be objective. Because she speaks from a similar place iyswim? It was interesting to talk to her about ex and see that I have been gradually unpicking myself from him. It's a lengthy process for me but the bonds are gradually breaking.

Time to put on my big girl pants and deal with it!!!

OldBrook

It has certainly thrown into stark relief that 'what I can cope with' is so variable? I can jump on a train if I have a purpose, yet stuck alone in the middle of nowhere I am slowly fossilising, yet without the bloody gumption to get myself out of it. It is myself I am most pissed at. Aaargh.

Your decision to wait till tomorrow sounds v sensible to me.
Only 4 doesnt leave much 'hiding room' I agree. If you feel upbeat then it would be a great way to bow out but if not?

I LOVE the sound of the 'forever strut into the sunset' commencing!

@basseting that's so unfair on your DS.. Do you think us single mums are extra protective over things like this... And rightly so... Sending you lots of hugs...

I am back to bring anxious again waiting for a text or call... Nothing since Friday.

Seshi Yes. The school's 'favouritism' is not subtle! He's been badly bullied and I cant offer him much in the way of a 'good start' / opportunities and he is SO bright. I feel hugely gulilty. So when I percieive unfairness I find it hard to maintain a sense of proportion!
(yet will 'allow' endless 'unfairness' by DOM towards self? Doh!)

I know that horrible horrible horrible feeling of waiting for contact.
Sending you hugs right back.
What are you hoping for from him right now?

Thanks basseting that means a lot

@basseting I just want him come to the gig with me on the 23rd x

Ha ha ha Oldbrook looking Good!

Bloody well done on your amazing restraint. Remember he is the one who is weak, very weak.

Seshi wow to the 10km. I'm seriously impressed. Sorry you're in that horrible unsure place. I've been there and it's yuck.

Belonger I know what you mean about lack of excitement. I feel a bit meh in life at the moment too.

Welcome Moonshine

Hi Basseting. Did DOM reply to your hilarious card. Does he have a sense of humour

NK
No (wouldnt expect it though). and No, no SoH at all.
One of his best lines was when he had a sore tooth (i'd just had prev surgery last April) I told him to lay off the chocolate biscuits. He told me he needed sympathy but 'no fake sympathy required. It must be REAL'.
He is v sensitive about his age. So the card will have stung a bit.

seshi and others still struggling I am beginning to realise now the weight that has lifted off me with NC and you will also eventually feel this . I feel as if I am emerging from a fog . The relief in many ways is immense. I am able to assess the situation as it was more objectively now. I'm not 100 % there , don' t get me wrong and I still feel sad at times for what "might have been" ( If I am feeling generous or stupid ) .

I realise how much easier it would be never having to see him again so all I can hope for is that by the time I do see him I think "what on earth was I thinking " !

As I was driving home today I was thinking that here we seem to have a bunch of strong sounding women yet we have these essentially weak men clutching at us . It's quite an observation, isn't it ?

Bloody I have pondered that before. In many ways I am strong (have certainly come through some s**t) - stronger than the men in my life by far. Yet, though they are initially drawn to their perception of my strength / confidence, it seems they are then on a mission to destroy it?
Is there any writing about this does anyone know? ie what initially attracts someone is then what they 'use' to end things?

Ladies, have just realised I'm back on my horse, back in the NC saddle. Being in contact is just crap, there's no two ways about it. I get a little mini heart break every time and I'm determined to stop doing it to myself.

I. Will. Not. Go. Down. That. Path. Again.

Belonger

WALK DOWN A DIFFERENT STREET! ((()))

Just catching up. This thread moves so fast and it’s tricky keeping up with the different posters’ stories .

Oldbrook is there any chance your NC will excuse himself from the lunch. Sorry if this is a daft question because I don’t know the back story. Just seems a shame for you to miss your own leaving lunch. In an ideal world you’d go, show him what he’s missing and come away feeling fabulous but the risk is that it’ll set you back in one of the ways you mention.

Bloody I don’t know if you’re aware how inspiring your posts are? Even though you’re still dealing with this you’re proving that it’s possible to move on and that the passage of time does help. I’m only at the very start of my journey but it really helps to know it is achievable.

Basseting what does DOM mean? I know it’s going to be obvious when someone tells me but I’ve been wracking my brain and I cant work it out and assume it’s nothing to do with 50 Shades?

Sending strength and positivity to everyone else

MrsGrylls not 50 shades no. It stands for 'decrepit old man'

basseting I never knew what DOM was either !

Thanks MrsG I know I can go on at times but feel that anything is worth saying in the hope that someone else can say " Yes I feel like that too " because that is what I found on here - people saying things that my friends would think are totally ludicrous People "get it " here e.g. I can't relax until I see him on WhatsApp in the morning . I mean seriously - how much of a nut job does that make me appear . Sadly I have been on and off WhatsApp like a demon the last 2 days and he is on and off it too - can't help but think what a wonderful anniversary break he must be having even if he is talking to his kids ! I know his phone was a source of contention in his relationship . When he was with me for hours at a time, he would never touch it ( would leave it on the hall table) and then when he needed to before he left he would apologise for having to look at it . Almost wishing I hadn't written that now as it has made me sad BUT it's that time of day for me. Just about to go out so diversion. I need to crack this WhatsApp addiction though....

I'm going to watch Ted talks forever. I'm feeling brave and inspired!

You know the different street in the poem? I'm going to open a cafe there, where you can get a coffee or a glass of wine, watch inspiring Ted talks, read brilliant articles, chat to amazing women and try on new crowns. When you leave your self esteem will be through the damn roof!

How is everyone else here approaching the no contact? Are you responding to their messages? God, that just seems to remind me that I'm not getting any messages to respond to!

Oh Belonger can I sponsor a seat in your Cafe on the Different Street?
(what is a Ted talk???)

MrsGrylls/Bloody I know DOM seems a nasty nickname but my NC is pushing 70 and a stranger to personal hygiene (always was., it is 2nd time around for us) and spends a considerable amount of time criticising my personal appearance (I am a bit chunky but presentable and 20 yrs younger than him...)

You sure can basseting. Ted talks are things like the one on getting over heartbreak or ones by brene brown on vulnerability. I'm not sure what Ted stands for but it's all over the world now.

www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame/up-next

What I'm thinking is that because we're on a Different Street, we might need a bit of inspiration. It's great that we will be on that Different Street, but sometimes change is a challenge. And because we will be without our drug if choice (ie our NC person) we will need a bit of support managing the things we used to numb out with obsessing about that person.