NC Dignity Club part 8: still wearing our crowns

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

Hopefully nobody else has started a thread, if so feel free to ignore this one

Sorry haven't had time to catch up with you all properly today, has been a busy one and visiting my own mum is never easy. Just needing a mini vent - am just suddenly so sick of having to work so bloody hard at this NC business. Sick of having to manage my feelings, restrain myself from doing what I want to do, sick of waiting for it to become easy and distant. Argh!!!! Sorry ladies, just really hacked off with the whole exhausting NC process tonight.

Can you imagine on Day 30 sending a message to NC saying "I've dropped off your anniversary gift " at your house . I would love to do it - make him shit his pants ! PS I'm not going to . He deserves to be in his shitty life.

seshi did he say he would be in contact tomorrow ? Remind me when the concert is pls ?

oldbrook it seems such a shame that you can't go to your leaving lunch !! Can't he be uninvited ?

@belonger vent away... That's what we are here for... It is crap and hard and bloody painful!! And as women we have so much other shit to deal with as well x @oldbrook I have just started reading why men love bitches...

Belonger am with you there - it is exhausting at times . Totally . Sorry its shit.

Old depending on how strongly you feel about the leaving for lunch and him being there, id be tempted to ask him to have the decency to bow out of the event that's being held on your behalf.

@Bloody lol can you imagine if you did dinner that! I would be so tempted but you have remained so incredibly Dignified over the last few weeks... Keep that crown sparkling!

He didn't say that he would but my WhatsApp message still hasn't been delivered so I have a feeling that his phone is still broken. Last Fri he used his work colleagues phone to call me..

Concert is on the 23rd...!

Why did I write 'dinner'!! Stupid predictive text

bloody the mood I'm in tonight I'd be cheering you on in whatever mayhem you want to create!

My reasonableness is right up the wazoo!

Oldbrook I think you'd be well within your rights to tell him not to attend. No need for him to be there.

I hear you Belonger? I'm so sick of being so moral all the time. It is exhausting

These last few comments are not helping me dampen my ardour

Choices :

1. I could message him and say that I have dropped something off at his house but not actually do it but spoils his weekend away and makes him shit himself - makes me look crazy then and as if I care !

1. I could message him and say that I have dropped something off at his house and DO it and spoil his weekend away and make him shit himself - makes me look crazy then and as if I care !

1. I can just write it on here and retain my dignity !

1. I could add to the Public post on FB and say " such a shame he has been f*cking someone else for 7 months " - Now that IS CRAZY

Number 3 everytime Bloody

Yes @NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 it is toxic. I keep making the mistake of thinking that the sweet, kind, humble 'him' when we've got past this part of our cycle (ie the part where I want out, which results in comments that my mental health is in question) and when I feel sad and lonely and vulnerable, is tjec'real, authentic' him.

It's not. It's a role he plays to reel me in. I have known it subliminally for a while but recently when I was ill, (stomach ulcer) I really noticed how he is capable of being 'kind' only when it suits him.

Could go on and on with various details but it really struck me last time that the times he is kind, are the times when I feel at rock bottom and when we are all but over.

I could write a book about this.

But yes you're right, it is totally toxic. I just have to have the courage to call his bluff.

Number 3...we are not going to let that crown slip @Bloody

Evening everyone..
I had a great day for a change!
Boys been spoiling me all day , took me out for a meal and watch a film in cinema.

We had fab family time and it makes me feel that all my sacrifices, all hard work is worth it.
I'm happy tonight, everything will be ok..

P.S.
My NC still didn't read my last parting message and not been online since Thursday, which makes me think the bastard reads the texts when they appear on the screen the moment they are delivered ..

Not sure why I'm even thinking about it, he's not my problem anymore. I was thinking recently and even if he did start begging to meet I wouldn't..too late now

Awww @Teensandfuture glad you had a good day x

Glad you had a lovely day Teens

TBH it has reminded me of what a twat he is really and how he would never have been suitable /could have been trusted .

And just to say this thread has stopped me contacting him to sob about how sad I am that our relationship has hurt me so much.

Long and short is I can't forgive him for taking money from a business I put everything into, because of his sense of entitlement and precious ego.

This thread has reminded me how angry eith him I am. I have pretended to be ok but im still so do angry because financially I'm still paying the price. And I've become demotivated and apathetic which has meant less business than normal.

I WILL NOT let my business fail because of him, but the only way I'll save myself is to ditch him.

I know thus.

Stupidly it makes me sad and scared.

But I'm not going under because I'm sad about how he's behaved. I'm going to survive because I'm better off alone.

I'm so fucking scared though. And it's a very lonely path.

I love what I do. I would rather lose him than my business.

Wow. I've never said that out loud before.

Sorry to hog. X

ginger you're not hogging and yes it is good to write things down and get them out of your head !

Hi Lovely Ladies just wanted to pop in and say how I’ve read everything again and how much I admire all of you who are further down the line than me and who have already made the hard decision to walk away.

It’s amazing to me how similar some of the behaviours my NC displays are to some of the other NC on here.

Something has definitely changed in my mind. I think I’m getting closer to being able to walk away. Confessing all to one of my closest friends yesterday has also helped. I’m getting clarity on how little there is in this relationship for me apart from the superficial feelings of being wanted, admired and desired. That’s a pretty big shift even since I posted on Friday! Don’t get me wrong when you’ve been in a sexless and nearly loveless marriage for so long feeling desired etc is so important, enticing and addicting but I can see that that’s pretty much all he’s actually giving to me. I’m the one who emotionally supports him, massages his ego, apologises when in fact he’s the one in the wrong.

I don’t know, when I see him later this week and he looks at me with love in his eyes (sorry I know that sounds wet but that’s the only way I can describe it, he looks at me like I’m his everything) maybe I’ll melt like I normally do but, for now, even though I’ve had a crap day and feel upset about how Mother’s Day has been handled by my DH, I feel like I’m getting clarity about how little he’s actually giving me and how I need to find the strength to walk away. 💐