Dating thread 130: dates with more issues than Vogue - mad March hares every one of 'em

[BeenThereDating]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

Bloody you got James!!!

I don't have a sex phone, maybe that's where I'm going wrong

So, Mr Medic... very nice and good looking but shorter and skinnier than I was expecting. His profile said 5'11 and he's more like 5'9. I don't know... I would see him again but I don't think he fancied me, I didn't get that vibe, although I'm terrible at doing any kind of flirting on first dates so I think I come across as being romantically uninterested, and I never have a clue if/when someone fancies me unless they spell it out so who knows.

Kin - I ask about finances because I don't want to get involved with someone that would take advantage of me. Not necessarily a red flag sometimes. I'd be wary of someone that doesn't want to be taken out though. I love to be taken out, you can always go back for sex, right!
So, I have MrWow coming to mine Friday during the day. He's been messaging regularly and has made it clear he is only dating me. He said it's up to me if I play the field, so I get the impression that he doesn't see us as long term.
I am seeing MrGingerNinja on Saturday. He is cooking for me and I can't begin to say how stupidly excited I am about that!
Question to you all - I put on my OLD profile that I'm looking for a relationship. I've now decided that maybe I can't actually offer one right now as I part co-habit with my ex. I think if I changed my preference then I might attract even more men just wanting sex. I just don't know.
xx

third what are the options? maybe say you are not looking for ONS, but a mutually beneficial situation - FWB type thing.

Bloody that's a standard fake/spam message. I get about 3 a week on Match.

Vet are you going to ask Mr Medic for another date or wait and see if he asks. If you want to see him again then maybe a casual "It was nice to meet you today. Maybe we can do it again soon".

Third I think I'd be stupidly excited if a man was cooking for me. So long as he was a good cook.
In the past I've changed my profile from "looking for relationship" to "casual dating" - can't say I noticed any difference in the messages.

Well slap my arse and call me Betty; things are looking up this week. I’ve had a couple of messages from another guy I actually fancy the look of. Let’s call him MrTwinkly. And let’s take bets on when he disappears; because (as Vet says) life.

Neither Runs, as I thought I just got a message including the following...

'You’re very world wise and clearly blow me out the water with you knowledge of, well, just about everything to be honest. And I suppose it’s for that reason that I have to admit to feeling a little bit intimidated. This is obviously my problem, not yours, yet a feeling I’m not quite sure what to do about. Not sure how you felt today went but I think I’d spend our time together feeling incredibly ignorant and that’s obviously not helpful to either of us. Therefore, think I’ll have to say thanks so much for the pleasure of meeting you, but I’m not sure it would work for me. So sorry, because you really are lovely but you need to meet a professor of something 😉'

... so either he's trying to sack me off in what he thinks might be a flattering way, or I need to start acting like more of a bimbo so I don't scare them off. FML (again).

Just to add, I didn't give him a lecture on anything, it was just a normal conversation. I think he's just saying that to try to be 'nice'.

Well it could be the former - that he's letting you down gently - or it could just be that he's being realistic and honest.

I know I come across as geeky and try to impress people with my knowledge of stupid trivia on a date. Some people like that, some people don't. The way I look at it - I'm me. I'm not going to try and be someone different, I just act who I am naturally and if they don't like it, then they don't, and it's useless trying to pretend I'm something I'm not, because that will never work out long term.

Whether it was the former or the latter, for you, I'd still be who you are, and at some point you'll meet someone on your wavelength.

Did you have a phone call with this one before meeting? That might screen out stuff like this a bit in future

No, I hate talking on the phone, it really stresses me out even with people I know so I never do it with potential dates. I can see how it might be useful though.

I know what you mean Bant and I can be like that at times - it's far from the first time I've been called intimidating or 'too clever' - but I think the big issue might have been that I've done a huge amount of travelling and he hasn't really done any. I didn't care but now that I think of it he brought it up several times and did seem to be feeling like he was inferior or something - I didn't big up what I've done at all and implied nothing of the sort. Ah well, I am what I am and I've no time for inadequate-feeling men and their fragile egos.

Yep, that's one of the things I check with someone when I chat to them - before even exchanging numbers. I even say it in my profile - if you've never left the country, we probably wouldn't get on. I've been to 40 or so, and it does give you a different perspective on the world compared to someone who's only ever been to Blackpool.

pudding21 if you delete instagram profile, it gets deleted within seconds, speaking from experience :) no way profile stays up for a year, thats a BS
so maybe he deleted the app only, which doesnt really delete anything

Travel, perceived wealth , lifestyle, degrees, profession - all of these can put a man off Vet. It's definitely them not you/us. Add age into it like me and you are up the Swanee .

I’m not too bothered if people have travelled or not, it puts me off is someone lists everywhere they have been (like they are bragging), I’m not well travelled, I have been abroad before having kids but having 2 children with ASD has made it hard to leave the country, I want to travel but not with my kids.

Mr Camper who has previously been a bit flakey has been messaging me all day and has asked for a date, hopefully meeting up with him next week, he sounds interesting and likes the same things as me, only down side is he plays golf.

Mr Camera is very similar to Mr Camper and I am finding it hard talking to both of them at the same time, they even look similar, Mr Camera being slightly better looking. Both don’t have kids, both have similar interests but Mr Camera is I bit more big headed and very socialble whilst Mr Camper seems to be less sociable and happy with his own company (a bit like me).

I’m pleased I am meeting Mr Camper first as he would be my first choice, he lives closer and seems more chilled out (maybe too chilled).

OK. So after me saying I wasn't sure about meeting him as I was suspicious, he installed instagram on his phone again and added me. His story adds up, he has no activity since august last year, he has a few pictures with a girl around that time, but nothing since. Because I am a super sluth I clicked on her profile, and hers is open, but nothing since around the same time as him. So perhaps a break up and then he just decided to delete off his phone. It all looks quite normal. i know you can't tell all from social media, but I think its a good tool in some ways.

I feel a bit bad now, I will still have an open mind, but I will meet him. He was patient with me asking, and it hasn't put him off.

Oh and he's like a pro blader (roller blades) and likes dogs, which i didn't realise before. There is a theme here surfers, parkour, skaters, bladers. Am i trying to relive my youth perhaps?

pudding thats a really good sign, he didnt just tell you to piss off if you didnt believe him. he must really want to meet

pudding he sounds interesting, go meet him and see what happens. He has added you on IG so thats positive. And you have done all the media stalking that you can do

vet he is letting you down gently - but not your fault at all. It HIS issues not yours.

vet I think it's a compliment. You're clearly awesome and he has insight. I've been told I might be intimidating to men by male friends. I don't really understand why. I'm solvent independent and outwardly confident, but I'm just a normal girl. A man will love that about you and strong enough to deal with you and love all your flaws but positive attributes too. I'd say thanks and keep it open.

Hey I saw that people on here vet profiles for folks? Does anyone fancy having a gander at mine please? I am awfully self conscious but if it helps me get my money’s worth and maybe get some positive interaction I’d really appreciate it 😊

I don't mind Jelly if you want to pm me a link.

oh god, would someone give me a user name please?

Two dates forth me this weekend. My own version of DialaSoldier, except he's raf. He's tall, hot, young and smells soooo good. Plus it definitely boosts my confidence when I see him and I'm needing a bit of that.

Then a new iron on Saturday, no name yet but it's looking promising of it weren't for the distance issue. We'll see how Saturday goes.....

Jelly I've looked at a few profiles if you want another opinion.

Vet while it's not great that he doesn't want to see you again, what he wrote was a compliment. Don't lower your standards just to please someone.

THAnks runsfor and springtime I’m on match , do I send page link to you or just username?

Jelly PM me the link. I'm on match so hopefully I can see it. If not there is another way.