I'm 35 today I've realised my marriage is over

[mammymammyIRL]

Dh emotionally abuses me.
He shouted at me & shoved me in front of our four year old ds for the last time on Sunday morning.
I don't want my 7 year old dd growing up seeing her parents not getting along
I don't want them to think Daddy's getting cross with Mammy is normal or ok

I can't do the rest of my life living like this.

Wow, that must have been a relief that there wasn't (another) row/stress to get him to actually leave.
Good luck with telling the children x

It was surreal @notWORKzilla because everything has been a battle with him for as long as I can remember so this was amazing

I feel like cracking open a bottle for you here! Brilliant news. I hope the DC are ok. They will feel better even though they might feel sad he's gone they are finally free on their home and won't be tense.

What a brilliant update! This might sound weird coming from a random person on the internet but I am so proud of you!!

You should definitely get Bancroft's book 'Why does he do that?'. It will really help you to untangle the past and to recover / heal / move forward

Was telling my cousin tonight how much support I have from my friends on mumsnet 💖

Dd is thrilled there'll be no more arguments, haven't seen ds on his own since. They had activities and I'd to go collect au pair. Must tell her the good news now too

Sound positive from dd at least. Hope DS is the same too. And the au pair.

Ah I love being your MN friend. You go girl.

Au pair will be thrilled, she was in a bad marriage herself in the past & stood up for herself & her children. Day I told her we were separating she said where you go I go, great support.

I think ds will be ok

Love being your MN friend too, sometimes people here know you more intensely that those that have known you all your life

Yeah I think you are right.

I knew it'd be hard when the children knew but it's so tough. Held dd while she sobbed her little heart out tonight. My heart breaks for her even though I know that it's the right decision for all of us, my poor precious sweet little girl who just wants to fix things for everyone.

Ds is in denial, suggested tonight h stayed every second night in his own place and here

Big hugs to you Mammy.
That's tough but you still did the right thing.
They will be ok because they have you.

I imagine it's a bit like a grieving process for them. I'm no expert though.

I think so, and him saying that it's temporary is just making it a whole lot worse.

But in other news, I've slept soundly last two nights and it's great not having that tension in the house.

@mammymammyIRL he's saying it temporary?!

That's the hard bit for the DC getting seeming mixed messages.

You can see it coming, mammy is now the bad guy. Which you aren't it's more manipulation attempts

Yes and when I was putting them to bed last night, I said ye were meant to be having a bath tonight but we'll do it tomorrow night if Daddy brings ye home at a more reasonable time. Dd jumped to his defence, it wasn't Daddy's fault we were late we were playing with our nephew and lost track of time. I didn't mean it to come out like a dig but that's exactly how she took it up.

You'll have to be very careful not to say anything that can be taken as a dig. The children will want someone to blame, and if they think you're being mean (rightly or wrongly) they'll blame you. It will have to be all neutral statements now "we'll try and get you home by X time tmr so that you can have your bath" etc

Also, if theyre upset with their Dad, they need to know that they can vent to you without you holding it against him (at least to their faces). He may be an asshole, but they can't process that. to them, he is still Dad.

You're doing great. well done x

I will notworkzilla

Wise words from not.

Oh mammy for you. You are doing so well.
I'm really pleased you now have a plan in place.
#rememberwhoyouare
Much love

Hope your DCs settle soon into the new routine. All you can do is be consistent and reassuring. They'll get through it, and when they're older they'll understand how it was... And they will love you even more for how you handled it all.

Au pair told me h plans to have dc mon tues wed evenings & Saturday night & probably Friday evenings too. So I get thurs evening when they’re not home until 6.30pm from an activity and dinner & homework must be squeezed into a 1.5 hour window! He’s having a fucking laugh!

I tried to discuss this with him yesterday and he didn't engage.

I will try again at weekend & next step will be a solicitors letter to resolve it.

Had social worker on the phone today & she'll need to speak to him too but she was on my side.

Thanks @CurvyInAllTheWrongPlaces & @BeUpStanding

He's living in fantasy land if he thinks he'll get that.

What day does the SW have in your arrangements?

Hello mammy, have followed this post from the start. I don’t think he will keep to his own access arrangements. You’re right to push back, or he will let the kids down, I suspect. KOKO!

He's having a larf.

SW isn't involved they only had to check in with me due to Garda report.
It'll have to go to court ordered access if he can't discuss it reasonably.

I've always considered 2/2/5/5 to be very fair but I'll give it one more shot at discussing it before contacting my solicitor about it.

He won't be able to keep it up, I knew that before it ever happened

Cafenoir wonder if I've got other followers?