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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm 35 today I've realised my marriage is over

809 replies

mammymammyIRL · 27/02/2018 14:30

Dh emotionally abuses me.
He shouted at me & shoved me in front of our four year old ds for the last time on Sunday morning.
I don't want my 7 year old dd growing up seeing her parents not getting along
I don't want them to think Daddy's getting cross with Mammy is normal or ok

I can't do the rest of my life living like this.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
MrsMozart · 09/09/2018 19:40

On the way now lass.

lifebegins50 · 09/09/2018 20:05

I wish I had charted my tears, lots at the beginning and then at signifcant steps. Sometimes I was hit unexpectedly but now its rare and not due to Ex.

It's 2 years for me and I had to go to court as Ex was not reasonable. It was his 2nd marriage, which I think is the same for your ex? It made him even more bitter and determined to hang on to finances.
I have moved house and settled dc into new schools.
Today I was thinking how happy I am, dc & I laugh often and I am back to how I used to be. I knew I had changed to cope with Ex's behaviour but didn't know how much until the stress is removed.

HannahnotAgnes · 09/09/2018 20:55

You're doing so well Op. Stay strong! Thanks

mammynowanauntyIRL · 09/09/2018 21:06

Yes lifebegins it is his second marriage.
I just put dc to bed & dd asked when you are daddy were fighting this evening who started it? I didn't get into discussion about it with her as solicitor advised that dc aren't involved in separation at all. All I said was I don't want you to worry about that because it will all get sorted. But I don't want her to feel she can't talk to me either so I'm unsure what to say to her.

mammynowanauntyIRL · 09/09/2018 21:09

I've just emailed myself the content of the argument this evening as advised by my friend who works as a police officer.

It might possibly end up in court for us too life how are your dc after the split, was ex interested in seeing them?

Thanks HannahnotAgnes it's getting more difficult but need to stay strong

Fluffycloudland77 · 09/09/2018 21:32

Are you safe?

CurvyInAllTheWrongPlaces · 09/09/2018 22:58

mammy hope you are safe

Apileofballyhoo · 09/09/2018 23:37

Well at least he read the letter I suppose. A few months ago he wasn't taking the end of the marriage seriously at all. I hope you're ok there now. What help is nearby?

I often cry in the car on my own. It's hard to cry at home with DC about.

I would tell DD an age appropriate version of the truth of every situation. Except perhaps not who started it! I'm not sure what people do when one partner is abusive but the children don't necessarily see that.

mammynowanauntyIRL · 10/09/2018 06:14

Yes I'm safe for now.

Dd told me yesterday when daddy gets cross I go and hide until it's finished, ds asked why does daddy gets so angry. I just said I don't know guys and all three of us hugged.

lifelongfrugaleer · 10/09/2018 06:26

Ah Mammy, sorry didn't realise this thread was running.

You are stronger than you think. You will get through this and out the other side. DC will be fine, I'm no expert but it sounds like you are doing fine with them.

ThinkOfAWittyNameLater · 10/09/2018 07:14

It's a good sign the children are open with you - they trust you to be truthful and protect them.

I know you said you are safe at the moment but please stay vigilant. Flowers

Cagliostro · 10/09/2018 08:01

Hi Mammy ❤️ they might face sadness now, but it is nothing compared to the sadness they would feel in the long run if you stayed together, promise 💐

mammynowanauntyIRL · 10/09/2018 09:57

Thank you all, it's my friends in rl who I spent sat night with and you guys that give me strength and support and the gut feeling I've got is justified.

He was vicious towards me yesterday evening

lifelongfrugaleer · 10/09/2018 10:02

always trust your gut mammy

mammynowanauntyIRL · 10/09/2018 11:05

I spent so long wondering if I was doing the right thing & I no longer wonder anymore

Apileofballyhoo · 10/09/2018 16:09

I'm so glad. And your DC will have a peaceful home with you and you'll be showing them that aggressive behaviour is not acceptable by your actions.

mammynowanauntyIRL · 10/09/2018 17:05

I had to tell him repeatedly yesterday to stop speaking to me like that, stop cursing at me and he just got more and more aggressive with our children there, hearing everything.

They will know, in time, that in our home we talk things out not shout at each other.

Fluffycloudland77 · 10/09/2018 17:11

Sooner your out of that house the better.

We don't shout in this house. If visitors start getting loud dh tells them to stop or leave.

He had a childhood of shouting though....

LonelyOversharer · 10/09/2018 17:51

Oh mammy what a turd he is. The sooner you can move on and settle your lovely dc into a new (calm) normal, the better. You know we are all here for you xx Flowers

mammynowanauntyIRL · 10/09/2018 19:08

Just had to call the police to our home.
I'm ok at the moment

mammynowanauntyIRL · 10/09/2018 19:09

Fluffy that's an honourable thing your dh does.

mammynowanauntyIRL · 10/09/2018 19:09

There are raised voices in kitchen where guard is speaking to H

Fluffycloudland77 · 10/09/2018 19:20

That's so bad you've had to call the gardia. You sure your safe?

Cagliostro · 10/09/2018 19:36

Glad you called them when needed mammy stay safe x

MrsMozart · 10/09/2018 19:45

Be safe lass.

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