I'm 35 today I've realised my marriage is over

[mammymammyIRL]

Dh emotionally abuses me.
He shouted at me & shoved me in front of our four year old ds for the last time on Sunday morning.
I don't want my 7 year old dd growing up seeing her parents not getting along
I don't want them to think Daddy's getting cross with Mammy is normal or ok

I can't do the rest of my life living like this.

Mammy, sorry only just sat down.
Of course, that is what concerned parents do, he is just point scoring, which is disgusting behaviour.
I'm really glad it went ok today at the solicitors.
#rememberwhoyouare xx

Thanks curvy
Solicitor's first suggestion was mother stays in family home until children are 18 and house is sold, proceeds divided.
I said I didn't want that because I don't want to live amongst him and his family for that length of time.
So suggestion will be made to him to raise the money to buy me out or we sell the house.

I think 12.5 years of suffering is enough already!

Curvy and everyone else who has posted here, the support I've received from you guys is absolutely amazing.

I’m glad you’re past listening to any crap about making your marriage work!

You’re doing the right thing getting out of the house & away from his family etc. You need your own place, a fresh start. It doesn’t matter if it’s small, it’ll be yours!

The kids will probably be upset at first, but in time they’ll know it was the right thing and they’ll be happier, better balanced, adults for you getting out.

Stay strong 🌷

You sound amazing, I went through the same 4 years ago and it was the best thing I ever did. I went through the courts which was a big mistake as I had massive solicitors fees and nothing else to show at the end of it.

But everything else - no regrets. He also played the game of pretending either a) he didn’t hear me saying I want a divorce or b) telling me he would get the children and the house etc etc.

The children live with me and are beginning to understand how emotionally screwed up their dad is. They are happy and stress-free and know that I have their back.

Also - I moved job and moved 100+ miles to be near my family and not his which really helped me. It might be something to consider although of course all circumstances are different.

You are doing a fantastic thing for your children. Keep going xx

Ps your name on this post has changed - it was mammymammyIRL and now it’s different your posts are not highlighted so they are difficult to spot.

Trying not to sound bossy, I am just cheering you on & remember this terrifying but exhilarating journey back to being yourself again.

@Namechanger2015 dd was reading when I was posting on another thread and said @mammymammyIRL is that you so I had to change it

Had you an alternative to going through the courts? I hoped mediation would work out but it's impossible to have a rational discussion with an irrational man.

He's said several times about him getting the children and the house, I think it was to frighten me into backing down as he knows I'd die for them. He once pulled one of them out through the car window as I was leaving with the two of them as he knew I wouldn't go without both of them.

To be near my family I would have to move similar distance but I don't want my children to spend their weekends on the road to spend time with him and I've lived in this area all my adult life too and I love my life and location, the only part of it that's wrong is my marriage.
Fair play to you for doing it, were the children young when you did? Do they have contact with their father or is it not an option. H has stepped into Disney dad role quite easily since I pulled out of our marriage

I don't want to stay in family home surrounded by his family.

Thanks for such a supportive post it's lovely to hear from someone whose been there & come out the other side.

Glad you got on well at the solicitor's. I think you're amazing.

Thanks apile I don't feel amazing, just feels like I'm throwing myself into a hurricane

It must be a worry that all hell will break loose but you did try to do the mediation thing. He has huge issues shouting at the mediator... I wonder would he have been the same if the mediator was a man?

Biggest task for you now is to stay safe and always have a back up plan.

He might have had more respect for a man, maybe doesn't like being told what to do by a woman, his mother was the dominant parent according to him.
Maybe he's the way he is for that reason?
#amateurpyschology

Usually he doesn't check the postbox so I figured I'd leave it out when I was leaving Saturday except yesterday he did check the post

I've got safe houses to go to alright.

Must gather important documents tonight

Maybe have a little bag packed in case you decide to leave quickly?

I'm packing for a night away tomo night so going to throw in stuff for kids etc too into another bag in boot. Hopefully won't come to that.

Letter arrived today but I got it so will leave it on counter when I go for night away tomorrow & see what happens then.

Oh that's a good idea. I hope you enjoy your night away.

Hi,
My first time on a chat room...I am 33 and have been with my partner for 15 months now. He has a daughter from a previous relationship and we have shared custody. I get on great with his daughter and I have sacrificed a lot for our relationship.... we are buying a new house together and are looking to move into it in November. He mentioned the other day to his daughter about our relationship “ we will have to be man and wife soon” so I know he is serious about us going forward.

Here’s where my problem is.....
Our sex life (probably like most people’s) was amazing at the start, we would just kiss for hours and the passion was so intense we would hardly get any sleep! I get that this dwindles over time but we hardly have sex now....and never romantically kiss and usually I have to always initiate it.
He is also watching porn every day (I checked his phone.... wrong I know). Why is he masturbating when he has me? Am I unattractive? I really don’t like that he watches this in the bathroom when me and his daughter are in the house it makes me feel physically sick.
When I ask why we don’t have as much sex, he says that he has been stressed with work and our house move etc plus has a bad back but I can’t help but think these are excuses!
I also noticed on his phone.... he told me he doesn’t go on Facebook but he clearly does everyday and for the past week he has looked at the same girls page everyday! Is this suspicious behaviour?
I am with my partner every evening and weekend... we are together all the time so doubt there is the time for an affair but I’m worried as to why he is looking at this particular attractive single woman? This woman is friends with one of his friends on FB... don’t know how he knows her.
He does look after me and is caring and I love him like crazy but I’m just feeling extememy insecure.
I have lost all my girl pals through stupidly not making time for them and now I have no one to speak to. I’m feeling very alone and insecure.... if anyone can please advise I would be so grateful.
Thank you x

@Jane334

You will get better advice if you create a new thread in relationships. Best of luck.

Mammy you are getting there slowly but surely. I know it's tough but don't doubt that you are up for the job. You can do this. This is you doing it.

It will come to an end and you will move into your new home. Try to imagine the joy you will feel knowing it's your home and he doesn't have a key.

I been there. It's really joyous. Your home will be so happy. The kids will be delighted and will blossom. You really are doing an amazing thing for them and for you.

Hi mammy hope you and the children are enjoying your time away

Thanks lyinglow lovely to hear from someone who's been there

Curvy it's just me away dc are home with H, it was well needed.

Oh in that case then mammy, I really really hope you enjoy it!
Time alone for everyone should be compulsory.

I had a great time, just leaving to go home now, didn't want my time away to end. Will possibly pull in at a scenic spot on the way home & read my book for a while too.

I'm not a crier and have felt for about six weeks now that I possibly need to.
I had a good few drinks last after not drinking since Christmas essentially and thought maybe it would happen then and it didn't at all. But today it just washed over means while driving the tears just flowed.
I guess I cried for what might have been as well as for the sadness my children now face also.

Time to let go of what might have been and look forward to what is.

Good to get all those tears out - there'll probably be more along the way but you are getting ever closer to that sense of relief you will feel when it's just you and DC in your own home.

Big thick head on him when I arrived home this evening and under his breath thanks for the letter,

That's it simple and I could feel that I needed it for quite a while now.