I'm 35 today I've realised my marriage is over

[mammymammyIRL]

Dh emotionally abuses me.
He shouted at me & shoved me in front of our four year old ds for the last time on Sunday morning.
I don't want my 7 year old dd growing up seeing her parents not getting along
I don't want them to think Daddy's getting cross with Mammy is normal or ok

I can't do the rest of my life living like this.

@kaitlinktm @Keepcalmanddrinkcoffee @Fluffycloudland77

Hectic week at work so only getting a chance to update now.

Mediation will probably not be successful for us I'd imagine but I had to try as it's the least expensive & confrontational way to unravel our lives together. Next appointment booked for three weeks time on his request, two weeks were recommended but he doesn't want to be missing work for it. Usually solicitors aren't needed until after completing mediation to legally drawn up the separation agreement but we were advised to both speak to solicitors before next session.

Mediator asked if there was any plans for who would live where or any options & he said he was renovating (he's not, just started week before mediation) his mothers house and in the process of transferring it to one of his sons. I interjected and said that he couldn't do that while we're separating and his temper flared. She asked whose name the property is in& he mumbled a whole heap of stuff eventually agreeing that it was in his name & had been willed to him. So she advised both of us getting legal advice as to where we stand.

Later we'd to detail rough figures of what house is worth, debt etc & he nearly choked mentioning his mothers house(that he's allowed his daughter & husband to live in rent free for almost ten years)

For next meeting we've to do up expected budget for next 12 months.

All week there's been an awful atmosphere from him in the house and this morning he exploded, told me to have on paper by tonight what I want & to get both houses valued by tonight. He's threatened to blacken my name( more than it is already ) cost me my job and ensure that I can't live in the village we live in, threatened to sell both houses, knocked over a wheelie bin full of timber in an attempt to frighten me & changed plans that were arranged for myself & dd to have some time together as she requested.
I said to him that's it awful that for him spending time with his children is a chore & he came back with some rubbish about cutting the lawns & then pushed past me into house and told children to get dressed they were heading out with him.
So already he's trying to use children against me.
Claimed he's never seen a payslip of mine all the ten years we've been together(it's been over 12! And he signed off on tax returns four years in a row so knows exactly what I earn!)

Thanks for reading my venting if you have

Wow - he is showing his true colours now then. Very low to involve the kids like that. Don't let him frighten you (as if). His reaction is very telling - he knows his easy life is coming to an end and is worried about losing some of "his" money/assets.

You say he pushed you - I hope he doesn't start getting physical.

Thinking of you

Sorry - just realised he has pushed you before. Perhaps you should mention it to the counsellor and your solicitor?

kaithlin already have done, mediator said it probably won't work unless I can stand up to him & stand up for myself in negotiations at mediation. I feel that I can so will continue to next session anyhow.
Usually it doesn't work when there's domestic & emotional abuse though

He sounds a complete knob Mammy (not helpful I know). I am sure you can stand up to him, but why should you have to? Anyway, it's worth another shot and see how it goes.

He is a knob though - you can tell him I said so

I will go to it & stand up for myself & if there's no sign of progress then I'll instruct my solicitor to put things in motion.

Back to really reasonable behaviour tonight (what's his motive I wonder )

\Sorry Mammy, I opted out of tagging.

I am sure the mediator has the measure of him. What a bull shitter though.

Rang me this evening to explain why he's late wtaf he never did this when we were together and I already knew he'd be late home

He's showing you what a reasonable person he it (not) so you'll know what you're missing.

Git

Grr - he is not it

kaitlinktm that's exactly what goes through my head everytime he goes off on one.

Oh I hate the 'nice as anything' bullshit too - we are on one of those at the moment but the vitriol isn't far below the surface and I also think mine does it to show how 'good' he is for putting up with me (all in his own head!!!) Fingers crossed for the next mediation but don't be put off going down the solicitor route if you have to...your case is very clear and he will have to cough up!

@iwillgetout I'm fairly confident I'll have to go down route of solicitor but at least I'll have tried

First family event on my side since the separation, it was grand nobody even asked why he wasn't there, and some of them aren't aware it's over, but he didn't participate when we were together as often as he should so it didn't stand out as being strange.

@mammynowanauntyIRL hope you are doing okay. Sending you much strength and wishes for future happiness.

Thanks honeypickle doing ok, next Monday is next mediation session and that could tell a different story

Best of luck. I hope you get what you need from it and hopefully a whole new life awaits you.

This evening after work I've to prep budget for mediation appointment next week, except I think I'll have to do three/four budgets, one if I stay in the house and one if I'm bought out/house is sold and one just for childrens expenses, one for personal expenses

H just let the rice for my mothers dinner burn while he was standing beside it because he thought it was for me and then calls out 'mammy did you mean to burn the rice in the saucepan' I eventually murmured 'obviously not' ffs he was standing beside it!!

The gloves are off then?

Fluffy I was going out the door to a gig so I just posted here & shelved it for the night.
I won't be holding back in mediation, going to request that we set weekend days for responsibility for dc & one week night as I do appreciate that he works nights but if I could be free to do something for myself, meet a friend/see a movie/go for a walk even

Parents have offered financial help with solicitors

Oh good, it's never as cheap as you hope. Dh's cousin is a shl and she says men always want the tv. Sod the kids they want the 4K 75" led oled screen!

I'll cope with that, TVs are much cheaper now than they once were.

Work colleagues bro is separating, she mentioned that he should pay €25 per child per week, shouldn't be giving her the €100 he currently does towards groceries. I replied I don't think we should talk about this anymore because you're looking at it from such a different perspective, but one question does €50 a week feed & clothe & educate & entertain your children ?