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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm 35 today I've realised my marriage is over

809 replies

mammymammyIRL · 27/02/2018 14:30

Dh emotionally abuses me.
He shouted at me & shoved me in front of our four year old ds for the last time on Sunday morning.
I don't want my 7 year old dd growing up seeing her parents not getting along
I don't want them to think Daddy's getting cross with Mammy is normal or ok

I can't do the rest of my life living like this.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
Fluffycloudland77 · 13/07/2018 18:40

Yeah storage rads aren't great are they? If it's well insulated with thick curtains it really does help.

Our rented house with storage rads had no insulation, leaky windows and only three working rads. It was bloody freezing.

mammynowanauntyIRL · 15/07/2018 10:10

No quotes available for my area, most online ones are converting from oil to gas etc, but I'm figuring about €10k would do it. And allow similar for the work outside, neither job essential for moving in though.

mammynowanauntyIRL · 17/07/2018 18:03

Mediation booked for Mon week Grin

My friend frightened me with cost of legal separation if H is keeping on the house as hers is. Shock will see what happens

mammynowanauntyIRL · 17/07/2018 21:28

Aargh he has refused to go on that date!

Fluffycloudland77 · 18/07/2018 07:39

It's the last little bit of control he's got. What reason did he give?.

mammynowanauntyIRL · 18/07/2018 07:55

We're on holiday next week and that he couldn't ask for the monday off immediately after coming back. He didn't ask though, and there's other work they could put him doing so that he could take a few hours off I'm sure too. The point is, he didn't even ask.

mammynowanauntyIRL · 18/07/2018 07:57

We've a week's holiday with the children and once we come I won't be worried about rocking the boat anymore. Mediation happens by mid August or I'm getting a solicitor.

Fluffycloudland77 · 18/07/2018 07:58

Pretty weak excuse. How many times can he do this before mediation write him off and let you get lawyers involved?.

mammynowanauntyIRL · 18/07/2018 10:50

Mediation is a choice here, I wanted to do this amicably and to be fair to both of us. Obviously he's not interested in that so I'll make a solicitors appointment the week we come back if he doesn't have mediation booked & attended. It'll be 5 months by then. It's dragging out now, my life is at a standstill until I can move on to next stage as a separated mother of two.

Fluffycloudland77 · 18/07/2018 12:44

Which is precisely why he's doing it, isn't it?.

After seeing dhs separation from his ex drag out over three court cases in two years & two arrests I wouldn't bother being fair to an ex. They don't appreciate it.

By the end of it you see they didn't deserve it either.

mammynowanauntyIRL · 18/07/2018 15:21

I wanted to be fair to both of us financially, our house is mortgaged, he inherited his mothers house. From the outset I decided I wouldn't claim my half of that house but if things get messy I could change my mind on this. It hasn't even occurred to him that I would be entitled to a share of that house.

I want to be the better person and not be the bitter ex who takes him to the cleaners!

He knows that I want to protect our children and seems to be using that to his advantage. The only times he voluntarily cares for dc now is for about 4/4.5 hours on a Sunday, and if I request it as I need to be elsewhere.

Fluffycloudland77 · 18/07/2018 15:37

On the other hand the law says your entitled to these for a reason. He didn't have to marry you, there was no gun to his head & you've earned a wage all these years that he's benefitted from.

mammynowanauntyIRL · 18/07/2018 16:22

And while he gave the use of that house rent free to his daughter, I had to work a second job and got into debt Angry

Fluffycloudland77 · 18/07/2018 17:21

Yep.

Dh have this "discussion" whenever we watch a program about divorce, my view is that it is a partnership. If a fat 50 something with billions chooses to throw his lot in with a 18 yo with a fab figure and she later divorces him and takes what she's owed then so be it. You know the deal before you sign the register.

The law recognises what men would like to ignore. They'd prefer we just fuck off so they can move the next one in. Like a jumper that the seam came loose on.

mammynowanauntyIRL · 18/07/2018 18:16

I love it Smile

H would happily stay as we are forever more I'd say

Fluffycloudland77 · 18/07/2018 19:14

Sounds fun for all concerned doesn't it?.

mammynowanauntyIRL · 18/07/2018 19:22

It would be for him I suppose!

mammynowanauntyIRL · 19/07/2018 10:36

He booked the half day off ✅

Tiddleypops · 19/07/2018 12:33

Great news @mammy - so mediation is going ahead, finally!

Good luck! Smile

mammynowanauntyIRL · 19/07/2018 13:39

Yep, and I've already the day booked off anyhow Grin
Finally almost 5 months to the day this started.

Fluffycloudland77 · 19/07/2018 15:09

Best of luck for Monday.

mammynowanauntyIRL · 19/07/2018 18:19

Monday week fluffy after hols, thanks x

mammynowanauntyIRL · 30/07/2018 13:13

Mediation - first appointment today
Will update later

kaitlinktm · 30/07/2018 20:28

How did it go Mammy?

Keepcalmanddrinkcoffee · 30/07/2018 22:24

Hope everything went okay today. You don’t have to update but I hope it’s the first step in your single life.💐

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