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Original poster

He doesn't 'do love'! What does that mean?

170 replies

Welshcakesareyum · 23/02/2018 15:37

Been seeing a guy for about 3.5 months and up until last night, never made me 2nd guess how he feels about me. Its like the effort is wearing off. It seems all about sex. Maybe thats normal to begin woth? We were chatting about families and he has mentioned meeting his 3 children. I feel like it's a bit soon but thought I'd mention him meeting mine also in time. He pulled a face, like turned his nose up and said taking 5 kids out though. I thought that was a little strange as if we are eventually going to meet each others kids, yes we have 5 between us. Then we were discussing his kids step dad (who he has never met and quite bitter about), saying I'd rather him not be in their lives. I said, wouldn't you rather them be loved by more people. He said...you can't love other people's kids. I was pretty shocked because, I had an awful experience with my step dad and have always thought (hoped) I'd meet someone that would love my kids too.
He also mentioned he doesn't do love.

OP posts:
Adora10 · 23/02/2018 16:51

Forget what he says, look at his actions, talk his cheap and he sounds full of it.

ISeeTheLight · 23/02/2018 16:51

He's a dick. Luckily you found out fairly early on. Ditch and move on; you can do better!

phoenix1973 · 23/02/2018 16:51

Sounds immature and commitment phobe

C0untDucku1a · 23/02/2018 16:53

Youve been together 3.5 months and have been out on two dates?! Is that right???

Dump and love on.

C0untDucku1a · 23/02/2018 16:54

Or move on!

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 23/02/2018 16:55

Nah bin him, he’s just using you for sex and now that he feels he has his feet under the table with you he doesn’t even have to bother being on his best behaviour- basically as PPs have said he’s showing his true colours.

Keen to get you to meet his DC but not yours? Judging by what you’ve said of him so far and reading other threads about similar ‘charmers’ I wouldn’t be surprised that he’ll be lining you up as the stepmum/free childcare...

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 23/02/2018 16:57

Sorry posted too soon!

You’re definitely worth more than the crumbs he’s offering you!

Davespecifico · 23/02/2018 16:59

He wants you to meet his kids but not to have to meet yours.
He doesn’t think he could live your kids.
He doesn’t do love.
He’s selfish in bed.
He’s getting distant.
His comments on the kids’stepdad are distasteful.

Even if you stay together, will you respect him for the above?

AngelsSins · 23/02/2018 16:59

It's strange that he's so keen for you to meet his kids, but not the other way around. Two things occur to me, firstly, that he might be looking to use you as a free babysitter, and secondly, that he might be hung up on his ex, hence the hating the step dad and keen to show you off to the outside world. Maybe he's hoping it will make his ex jealous.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 23/02/2018 16:59

Selfish in bed as well - what a surprise. Seriously dump and move on.

Zaphodsotherhead · 23/02/2018 17:00

I'll tell you what 'he doesn't do love' means.

It means he gets to treat you like a blow up doll who will babysit his kids while he goes to the pub but won't spend five minutes in the company of yours without losing his temper. He'll stop showing you any affection at all, but still want sex and his dinner cooked.

And then he'll tell you you can't complain he told you what he was like at the start...

Hookedoncatnip · 23/02/2018 17:03

@Contesse has hit the nail on the head. You and your kids deserve better. He has written them off before he has even met them.

Original poster
Welshcakesareyum · 23/02/2018 17:04

I feel you are all right. I just feel so gutted! Thankyou everyone

OP posts:
Chugalug · 23/02/2018 17:04

What a nasty man...not worthy of you

Trilllllian · 23/02/2018 17:05

It means he is a twat. Short answer

HairyBallTheorem · 23/02/2018 17:08

It means he's a selfish fucker.

As to how you end it, just say "I'm sorry, I've realised we're looking for different things long term."

Be prepared for him to come back with a pile of shite about how well you work together - my ex did this after a similar "I don't think I'll ever love you" speech on his part led to me threatening to cut my losses. I stupidly hung around for 4 more years which set in train a variety of consequences which mean I'm now single in my 50s and likely to stay that way. Don't be stupid like me, dump and move on while you still can.

withouttea · 23/02/2018 17:08

Maya Angelou puts it well: When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

Xylo · 23/02/2018 17:09

You seem like a decent woman and you deserve so much better.

There are plenty of respectable men out there who won't use you as a sex toy like this arsehole.

Thistlebelle · 23/02/2018 17:15

He doesn’t “do love”. Sad

It doesn’t matter if he was lovely for the first three months.

You are half way through month four and you have discovered that:

He isn’t interested in your children
He is selfish in bed
He doesn’t care enough about his own kids to meet their Step Dad.

What more do you need to know?

He’s going to get ^worse% from here not better.

Don’t waste your time hoping for the first from the first 3 months to reappear- he won’t, he wasn’t real.

GloriousDolores · 23/02/2018 17:22

It means he can be a total twat to you further down the line and when you say 'but i thought you loved me' he can say 'i told you i dont do love'.

Dont subject your kids to him, please. They deserve to be loved.

Original poster
Welshcakesareyum · 23/02/2018 17:29

The more i jave been reading, the more I feel there are more red flags. I am allergic to peanuts and have told him twice. Lastnight, he said he forgot the peanuts. I laughed and he was quite serious so I mentioned it again and he said...have you told me this. I know this sounds irrelevant to my original post but I always had a sense that he wasn't actually listening to me. There are a number of things he has seemed to forget about me. I just excused it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Welshcakesareyum · 23/02/2018 17:30

Ps my children do deserve to be loved and cared for. He knows exactly how bad my upbringing was with my step dad. I am now questioning why he has no interest in meeting his kids step dad, 6 years down the line.

OP posts:
catinboots3 · 23/02/2018 17:39

It means he's a turd

InfiniteSheldon · 23/02/2018 17:41

It means he has no interest in doing 'love with you. Listen to him and tell him to Fuck Off with at crap as you deserve better. Then go out and find a decent man

happymumof4crazykids · 23/02/2018 17:45

He is a knob! Run away fast