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Original poster

NC Dignity Club part 7: always wear your invisible crown

999 replies

Belonger · 23/02/2018 15:09

A thread for anyone wanting support with going or staying in No Contact. No judgement, just lots of support. Warning: this thread can seriously increase your willpower and self esteem!

Recommend also visiting website from Natalie Lue, Baggage Reclaim, or reading her book The No Contact Rule.

OP posts:
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25
LittleGidding · 24/02/2018 19:46

I've never thought about it that way before gettibg but it's so true when animals are in pain, they go to be by themselves. I'm so sorry about your dad Flowers I've never been very good at being vulnerable around people, I hardened myself after my breakup with exh and find it difficult to let anyone in. I think that's why I've been so broken about NC, I let the wall down for once and ended up hurt again. I miss sex with him so much as he was the only person that it's felt really easy and comfortable with in many a year.

MyGastIsFlabbered · 24/02/2018 19:59

I keep thinking I'll message as friends but then I think about how I'd feel if he told me he was back with his ex/dating someone else and I realise I'm not in a place to be friends yet. I might never be in that place and I'll be fine.

gettingthereshopefully · 24/02/2018 20:06

The weird thing about the biologist is that I have feelings for him but absolutely zero jealousy about thinking of him with his wife.

That really is strange. Or maybe it's another coping mechanism.

I'm so sorry you're missing him so much LittleGidding. You've got to trust life. You know, that thing about thinking what you want is good for you when there's something much better out there for you that you don't know about yet. It's really hard to keep the faith though when you're home alone and sad.

LittleGidding · 24/02/2018 20:28

Yeah funny NC actually said to me that he bets the right person is in my life already in some way Hmm It's hard to trust life right now. 40 years old and I feel like it's all such a mess. It scares me that I might end up like my aunt. She's desperately lonely now her dc have moved away and uses alcohol as a crutch. I'm the same, for some reason I have no jealousy towards current gf at all which is weird. Jealousy has never been in my nature though and I can't stand it in partners.

gettingthereshopefully · 24/02/2018 20:35

LittleGidding, you are not your aunt and 40 is super young in my books; I'm 49, you see! TBH I remember feeling not too great when I turned 40 but age is all relative. Smile

We're in a right emotional mess, aren't we? But we're all going to get through this somehow, together.

MyGastIsFlabbered · 24/02/2018 20:44

I'm 43 and a single parent to 2 small children and feel such a bloody disaster all the time. My mum is an alcoholic and whilst I use it as a crutch I'm determined not to be like her. She denies it of course.

MyGastIsFlabbered · 24/02/2018 20:46

I deleted our chats last night so I wouldn't keep reading them. I still peek at his profile to see if he's online though, I keep telling myself if he's online when I am it's a sign we're supposed to talk, but then if I do see him online I do stay NC so far anyway. Sorry I'm rambling now a bit

gettingthereshopefully · 24/02/2018 20:48

Ramble away MyGastIs, ramble away! We need to get it out.

LittleGidding · 24/02/2018 20:48

Yes I think it's the difference between expectations of what I thought my life would be like at this age and reality is getting to me. 40 is proper grown up territory but I feel like a teenager who doesn't have a clue only with a lot more emotional baggage now Grin Thank you Flowers We will, life's knocked us down harder than this before but it really helps to be able to get it all out and chat to you lovely people.

LittleGidding · 24/02/2018 20:51

Gast , I'm a single parent to two as well. I wing it through every day.

MyGastIsFlabbered · 24/02/2018 20:54

Yeah I honestly thought I'd have my shit together by now, but I so haven't.

Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname · 24/02/2018 20:55

littlegidding " I think that's why I've been so broken about NC, I let the wall down for once and ended up hurt again. I miss sex with him so much as he was the only person that it's felt really easy and comfortable with in many a year." YES, exactly this .

And yes thank you everyone for the non judgement in here - no " you have low self esteem " etc etc as many would say.

seshi · 24/02/2018 21:03

I am 47 and a single parent of one Ds. My exh moved back down south two years ago and only sees our DS once every five weeks. He gives me just £70 per month towards Ds... He is living with another woman now and they are always on holiday... It's hard not to feel bitter.... I am afraid that I will never meet anyone which scares me...

Today has been the worst day for me since the start of NC... But I didn't message... Thank to everyone on here xx just trying to relax now and watching Netflix. Thank you so much for getting me through today..

LittleGidding · 24/02/2018 21:40

Well done for not messaging seshi, sorry you've found today so hard. I have one of those exs too. Had a rebound relationship straight after exh and I broke up and got pregnant with my youngest very quickly. In fact I nearly ended up married again before I saw sense. He talks the talk but moved away so only sees him every other weekend and the world must revolve around his plans. Pays a paltry amount yet is buying houses/cars and going through women like nobody's business. Ds adores him too so I say nothing but fume silently at times.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 24/02/2018 21:50

I'm at a charity ball and have had the hair and make up done. So tempted to send him a photo as I know he finds me attractive. Tell me to stop. Wine is flowing

Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname · 24/02/2018 21:59

Rhubarbgin It leaves a gap to be filled.

You can say that again !!!!! Halo

NK don't do it - there I have said it . Have you got your CROWN on ????

seshi · 24/02/2018 22:03

@nk don't do it...! But make sure you get plenty of photos of you looking fab!!

seshi · 24/02/2018 22:04

@little thank you...

LittleGidding · 24/02/2018 22:07

Nooo NK you'll regret it in the morning!

Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname · 24/02/2018 22:09

seshi sorry it's been a shit day - think as time passes we realise this is what it is going to be like ie they make no effort and yes you get to the stage where you are thinking of reasons to message them and that "friends" thing pops into your head , suddenly seeming like a good idea ...however I know that that would kill me ! A friend does not lie to you . I am also diverting myself by watching Shetland on catch up and checking in on here .

seshi · 24/02/2018 22:14

@Bloody thank you... It's nearly eight weeks since we split up and tbh I thought I would be further on by now... What is it that @oldbrook always says... The NC path is not always a straight one... We are bound to have wobbly days x

LittleGidding · 24/02/2018 22:14

I'm frightened I'll never meet anyone too. When on earth I'm meant to find the time to do so I have no idea. My dc are still young although eldest is now at that stroppy pre-teen stage where they want nothing to do with me, unless I'm feeding them Grin, just their mates.

Now I know why I'm missing sex so much tonight... ouch ouch ovulation pain. Bloody hormones.

MyGastIsFlabbered · 24/02/2018 22:35

I feel like I'm terminally single whilst my exH has been seeing someone for ages....he's also a shit dad and I silently seethe a lot. It's not fair.

seshi · 24/02/2018 22:40

@mygast me too... But men always move on quicker...

Oldbrook · 24/02/2018 23:00

This reply has been deleted

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