NC Dignity Club part 7: always wear your invisible crown

[Belonger]

A thread for anyone wanting support with going or staying in No Contact. No judgement, just lots of support. Warning: this thread can seriously increase your willpower and self esteem!

Recommend also visiting website from Natalie Lue, Baggage Reclaim, or reading her book The No Contact Rule.

Playing with fire getting. Letting myself get carried away. Not valuing what I have enough.
Allowing someone to take so much from me. And feeling stupid that I kept on giving. Not having sufficient boundaries. Putting my energy in the wrong place. I’ve always been incredibly loyal. And I feel rubbish and angry.

The important thing, Rhubarb, is that you won't do it ever again. We all make mistakes, fall in love blindly, suffer from wishful thinking. Thanks to this thread we're going to get through all this shit and learn to value ourselves even more than before.

getting now there is a typical comment - please keep away from all the other men who must surely be attracted to you ..

tactics, tactics ....

I have had a day of ups and downs - when I am busy and out I am better but well the devil makes work for idle hands .. today I have come back strongly to the idea of revenge - ie letting his wife know so that she makes his life a fucking misery . Yes I know this is a terrible thing ! He lied to me and he led me on big time and then when I said that he dumped me . I was there re revenge before then moved on to the "better path is a better life" BUT as time has gone on with NC I am reverting to these thoughts. In a way if I were to do this then there would NEVER be anything between us again which is a good thing ! If I don't then I think I will always hope that there could be despite the fact that he is a cunning, wanking, fucked up mess of a man . I also feel that this is a dilemma which is going to always come up in my mind and is preventing me "moving on" . If I did it then it is done. Talk to me people ..pleeaaase !

Playing with fire. I'll confess I have been tempted for a few minutes here and there to indulge; frequently. There are hormones flying around and it's so very tempting to fall in the arms of a man who is all a quiver But I just can't subject myself to all that.

cunning was supposed to be another word - cunting!

Rhubarb, blunt is good and what I need. It ended when I challenged him about what I found out about him and another woman who he always said was just a friend. He then admitted he’d been seeing her and they were starting a relationship and that he’d already decided not to see me anymore, his phone calls and texts suggested otherwise. It’s driving me mad not knowing the details though - when his feelings changed, how long he’d been seeing us both etc. I’m jealous as hell of her and feel that it’s down to errors I made, it has knocked my confidence so much.

I hate not knowing if he will be in touch again, if that’s it although I know I deserve better. He told me he loved me just as much as the other woman when we last spoke. I alternate between hating his guts and wanting to turn up at his and leap into bed with him. But she’d probably be there already.

Sorry Bloodyuseless I remain steadfast in the idea that indifference is the greatest form of revenge. And being happy which means in your case, in ALL our cases, moving on.

I've had so many reasons to want revenge in the past. My eldest daughter's father who disappeared when she was two and has never paid a penny for her upkeep and left me with a shit load of debts and has never returned to see her. Not once. She's almost 22 and the most beautiful, intelligent young woman. His loss. I then had a two year relationship with a man who was the star of compartmentalising as I didn't have a clue he was leading a double life until one night, whilst staying in his flat in Paris when he was absent, the other woman tried calling him....and I answered the phone. And then my husband who after letting me know that he was leaving me spent the next year and a half making my life a misery by using the children as pawns in his nasty games.

Each time I have bowed my head down gracefully (and cried to my friends) but have always heeded the voice of at least one of them: revenge is a waste of time. Stay classy. Stay true to yourself. I feel so much better about that.

But that's just my opinion.

Rhubarb, your post at 15:52 sums up exactly why I’m so cross with myself.

Bloody useless, I’m the same with the thoughts of telling the other woman, wrecking his new relationship.But that would leave nothing but hate between the two of us. Maybe he will treat her better than he has me, he treated me worse than an enemy sometimes- manipulated me, lied to me, took all the control.

There is a saying that you only get treated how you let yourself be ...not always true I think when you act as a decent person in good faith initially ! However once you see through someone acting badly towards you then you have that choice . My strength now is that I could STILL be with my NC saying nothing about how he has treated me and not even knowing that he is married , putting my life on hold for when he would see me etc etc ad nauseam so at least I am in a much better position than that ! I think I just rallied a bit !

Thanks also getting I KNOW that indifference is the right path but it is so hard at times especially when I hold the Keys to Fuck Badly with him.

I'm going out now so will return later and catch up .

Stay classy. That's the quote of the day for sure Getting. I could crush my NC by telling his gf but I never would. No matter what he does or how he treats me I won't stoop so low. It's a reflection on him not me

Lots of emotions on here today ladies. I'm feeling a bit emotional myself. Got the anxious feeling in my tummy again, like something is going to happen. Ugh

It is an up and down day, changes from one hour to the next. But I agree. Stay classy. And indifference is the goal.
I’m in alone tonight. May be on here a lot. It means so much not to be judged by you ladies.

Is there some funny moon coming nk?
I’m needing to dig deep and find my strength at the moment.

I think that staying indifferent and classy loses its shine when there is complete silence from them, when they aren't privy to our classiness.

I also think a lot of us have emotions running high today because it's the weekend and even though most of us are busy with our children, etc. we have more time on our hands to process our respective situations.

Do you think the uneasiness you are feeling is your sixth sense NK?

I agree Rhubarb: no judgment here is a blessing as is the honest straight talking when we run the risk of fucking up.

Speaking of straight talking I can't help feeling that those who are angry with the way their NCs treated them (especially the married ones) are probably even angrier with themselves for allowing them to inflict such hurt on them.

I agree getting. I am far more angry with myself.

I couldn’t agree more, I’m feeling incredibly angry at myself for ignoring my instincts all the way through. I refused to listen to friends who saw the situation for what it was and told me to walk away, I always thought I was on the verge of having the relationship he had promised me. I made so many mistakes. I didn’t speak up for myself and what I wanted because I was scared that would push him away but maybe instead it made him think I didn’t want more. I should have stood up for what I wanted and have been prepared to walk away, I feel sick at the thought of him offering more to this new woman.

I need to focus on me again. Healthy eating, exercise. I was doing so well and this has totally demotivated me. But I want to feel that I look the best I can. Right now as a way of showing what he is missing, hopefully in time just for myself.

@rhubarb you do not deserve to feel rubbish... Please don't think you deserve this...you absolutely don't @getting you so deserve to wear your crown with pride.... I am so trying to be classy but he has clearly moved on so won't even notice... But I must remember it's not for them it's for us! God today we are all feeling it aren't we... It's like we are in sync xxx

@friends exercise is the best thing!! I think that's why I am struggling today as haven't been able to do any @rhubarbgin because I was actually drinking rhubarb gin last night... By the bucket load lol

Friends it's a good idea to use him as motivation to focus on yourself especially when you are lucid enough to know that ultimately it's for your own sake.

seshi, what a lovely thing to say. With all this effort to do the right thing it does me good to read a compliment, so thank you!

Yes, we really are feeling it. I've changed my mind about the biologist situation around four times in one day and the day isn't over yet. But, by God, I am feeling more powerful than when I woke up. Anger is power.

@getting channel that anger... No one deserves to treat a classy ass babe like you like crap... None of us on this thread deserves any of this shit...!!

Full moon on the 1st March so on Thursday and it's supposed to make us more emotional. Not sure what my unease is but I don't like it