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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

NC Dignity Club part 7: always wear your invisible crown

999 replies

Belonger · 23/02/2018 15:09

A thread for anyone wanting support with going or staying in No Contact. No judgement, just lots of support. Warning: this thread can seriously increase your willpower and self esteem!

Recommend also visiting website from Natalie Lue, Baggage Reclaim, or reading her book The No Contact Rule.

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anxiousnow · 28/02/2018 22:53

Belonger you are doing so well. Do you have any thoughts of unblocking for March? I don't think there is a way to block if they have already blocked you. You can on whatsapp and text/calls but not on fb or insta. Don't think you cam on snap chat either.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 01/03/2018 00:15

Was just talking to NC for the evening. Am actually sick of the shit talk. Told him I had a terrible day yesterday and he didn't even ask what happened. Just deflected it.

Who am I kidding he doesn't give a shit about me. The attraction for him to me is purely physical.

Lesson learnt. True NC starting tomorrow. He can fuck right off. I'm on my own journey anyway and far better I do it alone

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 01/03/2018 00:19

I'm going to have a little cry and then move on. I have so many friends who ask me how l am. If I ever have a relationship again I want them to care about how I'm feeling. Thank goodness he isn't the reason I'm leaving my marriage. What an ass

user1493423934 · 01/03/2018 00:23

You OK NK ?
sorry just checking in - have been so bloody busy last couple of weeks (moving house, working etc) so no chance to check this thread much and it moves so fast! will be back next week with proper advice for you all. Flowers to all of you

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 01/03/2018 00:31

Ah User so lovely to see you. How did the house move go?

I'm okay. I'm fuming but I'm not even going NC on him. I just don't care anymore. He clearly just sees me as wank material. He can fuck right off.

anxiousnow · 01/03/2018 00:56

Hi user hope move went well and you are ok.

NK I am so so sorry! What a dick! I am terrible at making excuses for people's behaviour but any chance he is trying to keep an emotional distance? It is not ok either way! I am sorry he has let you down and yes you do deserve someone who shows they care by words and actions that you don't ever need to doubt. I can tell you are amazing and you will do this with or without NC Flowers

Oldbrook · 01/03/2018 04:03

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Original poster
Belonger · 01/03/2018 06:52

Morning everyone, love the quote seshi

nk I'm sorry your bloke has been such a disappointment. I can totally understand your anger. I've certainly had that with my guy, although it's a very different situation, he repeatedly just doesn't ask about me, doesn't seem interested, is perfectly nice to me but far more interested in talking about himself. It was painful but a breakthrough for me when I faced the fact that I was kidding myself that it was any more than physical for him. I'm not saying that he's the same, but if that's your instinct I'm really sorry. You have been so incredibly strong and full of integrity, I really admire you.

Good luck today everyone, with the snow and with NC!

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Ravenscloak · 01/03/2018 07:33

Morning everyone - just caught up, will watch those Ted talks. Day 7 for me.
Flowers to all of us for getting through another day

Oldbrook · 01/03/2018 07:42

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Original poster
Belonger · 01/03/2018 07:50

oldbook I'm lucky that he doesn't tick all my boxes, just a couple of powerful ones! But not so many that I want him in my life any more.

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Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname · 01/03/2018 07:55

Day 20 for me but I dreamt about him last night /having sex with him and woke thinking of him - probably because I talked about him extensively with a friend yesterday and then I read some of his messages last night before going to bed - why did I think that would be a good idea ? I am totally desperate right now to look at WhatsApp and get my "methadone fix" .

NK I read what you are saying about your disappointment in your NC's behaviour last night and him not asking about you . My NC was like this too in many ways - it was " all about him " and his issues and problems and they would dominate at times causing him to either be elated even OTT when texting me or at other times just disappearing in the middle of a conversation or ending them at times because he was feeling grumpy due to other things in his life . They do not think for a minute about the effect this has on you/us. While he would ask me about the "day to day routine " of my life ( think as part of "knowing" and control ) he was never really interested in the detail of it . It sounds to me that your NC is like this too ? It is because we "feed" them when we listen to them and they thrive on us being concerned etc about them . Yes at times it is all very one sided .

I think you are right to concentrate on what you need to do on your own right now ! You are strong and you need all your reserves for this and NOT for supporting him and his needs ! Hope you feel better today !

Oldbrook · 01/03/2018 07:57

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Oldbrook · 01/03/2018 07:59

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Oldbrook · 01/03/2018 08:07

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Original poster
Belonger · 01/03/2018 08:12

Time to delete his messages bloody? Blush Save yourself further upset

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Original poster
Belonger · 01/03/2018 08:15

Brilliant article oldbrook!

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Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname · 01/03/2018 08:19

oldbrook so much in that article which is true and yet some of it hard to stomach !

I have had my methadone fix I am afraid on WhatsApp but what did it really tell me ? Nothing except that he is alive ......however am not going to beat myself up but use it as a tool to keep me going . I know that it is highly unlikely that I will never ever message him .In fact I would go as far to say never but don't want to get too cocky . My issue will be when I see him face to face . Do I ignore him or do I want to talk to him ? Of course that will depend if he is with HIS WIFE ! One of the things that I am learning from all these articles is that it WILL take time and not to be so demanding of myself and expect to get over it instantly !

Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname · 01/03/2018 08:20

I'm not ready to delete his messages belonger

seshi · 01/03/2018 08:27

@nk you deserve so much more...time for lots of self care... And you can do this by yourself... Take the foot off the pedal with NC for a couple of weeks... Regroup and reassess.... He is adding to the heartache at the moment not easing it x

seshi · 01/03/2018 08:29

@Bloody day 20 is amazing!! Know what you mean about the messages... I can't bring myself to do it yet x

Oldbrook · 01/03/2018 08:34

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Original poster
Belonger · 01/03/2018 08:35

You're right bloody, we have to give ourselves time to get over this stuff, there's a lot to process and make sense of. God knows it's taking me long enough! I know I'm going to feel challenged today because it's March and I'm sort of expecting him to get in touch. Wanting him to, now wanting him to - all that. Sensible head not wanting him to.

May need some hand holding today.

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Oldbrook · 01/03/2018 08:36

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seshi · 01/03/2018 08:44

@oldbrook wow that article smacks of reality!! @belonger lots of hand holding..
I need it too... It's the realisation thats finally kicking in... For me the silence from him now is screaming at me if that makes sense...lets get through to day... Baby steps