NC Dignity Club part 7: always wear your invisible crown

[Belonger]

A thread for anyone wanting support with going or staying in No Contact. No judgement, just lots of support. Warning: this thread can seriously increase your willpower and self esteem!

Recommend also visiting website from Natalie Lue, Baggage Reclaim, or reading her book The No Contact Rule.

Sorry about the sadness ravens, it is heartbreaking when we want to be with someone but they are either unavailable or just don't want to be with us. I don't think there's any way around the heartbreak, we just have to go through it the best we can and trust that we can survive it and come out the other side.

It's painful but important to face the possibility that the relationship may be over for good. You have to grieve it eventually I think.

But I know how much it hurts. Take very good care of yourself

He got in touch after some life changing circumstances which I can’t go into detail about, keeps getting in touch and is being very flirty/suggestive. He hasn’t been clear if he is with the other woman. He keeps asking to see me. Do I go and act purely as a friend then ask my questions?

I’m on day 6. Yes I know you can’t make someone love you - I tried that when my marriage broke down and it didn’t work. After that I took some time out and then met NC, who restored my faith there were decent men out there - and then 1.5 years later ...

@ravens whether you want him back or want to move on NC is the only answer... There is no guarantee it will get him back but if there is any hope to get him to change his mind you need to do this... He has to realise what he has missed. EQUALLY this is your opportunity to regroup and start building yourself up again... But as @oldbrook always says healing doesn't happen in a straight line. I am really struggling atm but I have had much more positive days.... Please try to get through the next few days with me.... Let's reasess together on Friday...

I am On day 16... I know deep down that my situation is hopeless but I still hope this may make him realise..
In the mean time I am trying to get put and be kind to myself... But it's fucking hard!! 😅

Thank you everyone so much - you are all awesome! And I will try to get my head round it being over.

friends I'm really sorry but I can't remember your situation, this thread moves so fast. What do you want to know from him?

Friends I'd be asking about the OW. Every time my NC makes an indecent proposal I remind him he has a gf

I agree with Belonger. There is no way around it. You need to go into the eye of the storm to get through it. Its crap, it really is but you will come through it.

NC truly broke my heart 17yrs ago. I thought I'd never get over it but I did. He can never hurt me as much as he did then. I'm stronger now and much more aware of my self.worth

oldbrook sorry for your bereavement, I too missed that post. I hope you are doing Ok and getting comfort from people. It is true that kind words come from unlikely places but I don't think that means closer people don't care, I think sometimes the closer you are the harder it is to know what to say.

raven sorry to hear your sadness. It is horrid when I relationship ends. I was convinced for quite a while we would get back together but he moved on so quickly and that hurt a lot. I read that with a lot of men when they're done they're done, it's their testosterone kicking in. I don't want to be harsh and I hope that isn't the case for you but maybe best to think the worse and if it does come good then that's a benefit. X

I know, it’s so difficult to keep up. Basically he cooled things off and I found out it was because he was interested in someone else and had taken her out a few times. I ended it. He’s now in touch asking me to see him, spend time with him etc. Very flirty and hinting at our past sex life. He isn’t being clear on the phone what is going on with this other woman but he doesn’t seem to be going to her for support during this difficult time he is going through. I’ve reminded him we are friends only and I won’t be anyone’s second choice.

For my self esteem I know seeing him and turning down his advances would be fantastic. As would having him in the same room to answer my questions properly.

Good for you friends. Do you think he's going to treat you better now? Do you trust him?

I honestly don’t know but I would like to ask the things I need to know. In person he will struggle to lie or ignore especially if I ‘play’ on his emotions.

Safe journey out basseting MF really Does sound a decent guy. I think you can take from his message that he will keep your confidence. Perfect message back to him too.

oldbrook you are so right. An addiction, not oxygen. Sorry that some people including NCwere not supportive through your loss.

belonger you speak so much sense.

My NC and I were definitely a very positive influence in each other's lives but I think itsa has it right, that somehow they just move on, even if it was good. I know if I physically saw my NC things would be different but as I am now 99% sure he has moved to London to be with his children, so that won't happen. I just have to accept it. I had known it was a possibility and couldn't and wouldn't compete with his children. He was tormented.

seshi feel better soon.

NK your NC does care for you. It is not just physical after all these years. To him, at the moment, you are unobtainable.

Friends what are you going to do?

Anxious I know what you mean about things being easier to decipher if you could just see them. I feel the same.

I wonder when is the correct time to inform my NC that I am obtainable. I am confused about my marital status. H now knows there is no hope and we have received our mediation letters. Obviously I've no intention of going on dating sites, going out on the pull etc but am I classed as separated now or is it when we start going to mediation in 15 weeks time.

Nk, I’m really tempted to go and walk away on my terms rather than it ending on his.

Good for you

seshi and ravens I sympathise and I know how you feel (at times ) ....but I can't go there - can't even allow it in my mind . I am trying to be very hard with myself . Nothing to be ashamed about - you are just grieving.

friends I am not sure if you/we ever get the explanation you/we want . I would fear that either they would be harsh and minimise it OR they say nice things that would make me feel worse. Already I have had the " I never lied to you " - he just forgot to tell me about his wife

Oh my god bloody, what a cheek! 'I never lied to you'!!!!**$¡

Have had a bit of a cry today and felt a bit better...i know it's a process grief... You can't go round it you have to go through it

There are times you just have to let the tears out seshi - the one thing I would say is that at least tears are a feeling, an emotion even if it is shit at the time ..after what my EXH did , I was left numb for ages . My NC made me laugh and cry so in that respect I am thankful. Now that's perverse ! How f*cked up am I ?

Oh I'm a firm believer in having a good cry. It always makes me feel better

Another thumbs up for a good cry from me. I think tears are a sign of emotion being processed and moving through.

@Bloody when I split from my exh I was numb... I understand what you mean.. It's not fucked up... I think i have tried to beat the shit out of this grief but I actually need to feel it... If I am to let go..