Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 ··· 26 27 28 ··· 39 40

Original poster

NC Dignity Club part 7: always wear your invisible crown

999 replies

Belonger · 23/02/2018 15:09

A thread for anyone wanting support with going or staying in No Contact. No judgement, just lots of support. Warning: this thread can seriously increase your willpower and self esteem!

Recommend also visiting website from Natalie Lue, Baggage Reclaim, or reading her book The No Contact Rule.

OP posts:

Thread gallery

Oldbrook · 27/02/2018 20:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

anxiousnow · 27/02/2018 21:01

oldbrook I agree totally about how we are not meant to show our emotions. Like discussed before, we could be accused of being clingy etc. Or stroppy if we moan about being left on read etc. Well done for not going to lunch for you

seshi hope you feel.better soon.

Basseting MF is being fair. I don't think you need to worry about him disclosing anything. Sorry your H scared you again and that his 'helping' isn't reallyup to it.

NK I totally get you about H showing his true colours. I find it easier to handle when my H's face twists and shows that nasty side. Makes me feel Less guilty. As should you but not nice that you have to put up with that. So sorry about job too. Will you have to stop immediately? I understand how NC not replying has just iced this shit cake off but trust him. He hasn't changed his mind and us unaware of everything going on in your life. Could you messafe to tell him about work if it makes you feel any better? Also I hope we will all continue talking once we are over NC's so please know we are hear regardless if whether it is an NC issue or not

Day 1 day 5 week 2 day 19's all of you

Basseting · 27/02/2018 21:08

OldBrook not out of line but I was VERY clear wtih MF - friends only!
I am not looking for ' a man' I was looking up old friends (female ones too :) - DOM took me by surprise (me and him too I guess when in month 4 it turned from grumpy reminiscing to something more ) but with MF I was v clear - I told him I was (hopelessly) in love with DOM.
perhaps you cant be friends with someone of the opposite sex?
There is NO WAY i am getting involved with anyone else ever now.
Too much trust broken.

Basseting · 27/02/2018 21:10

sorry if that sounded a bit vehement - not against you OldBrook! xXx
Just how upset I feel about it all.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 27/02/2018 21:13

Thanks so much Oldbrook and Anxious. I think I need to sort work first. I'd love to hide in a corner but I know I need to keep going. Deeply disappointed with my manager but she is affecting others as well.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 27/02/2018 21:15

Basseting I have loads of male friends and there isn't one jot of attraction there. Please don't beat yourself up over someone falling for you. He obviously sees the lovely you that we see on here

Itsalottery · 27/02/2018 21:31

nk I'm so sorry you're having such a rubbish time of it. Try and deal with the things you can and let the others fly. I think you were already looking for a new job, did you put that on the back burner? Maybe time to ratchet it up. Try to ignore the h and be glad he showed his true self so you did not have all the what ifs going through your mind. Nc will reply , doesn't he always? But sounds like least of your worries at the moment. Thinking of you and hoping tomorrow is a better day x

Itsalottery · 27/02/2018 21:34

bloody I go through stages of that online checking thing too, I am trying to do it less and less though and so will you so don't give yourself a hard time over it x

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 27/02/2018 21:39

Itsa thanks for your lovely message. Yes have been looking for a job but need to ramp it up a bit. And it's true NC usually does message as well. The connection always seems so fragile with him.

How are you doing?

Itsalottery · 27/02/2018 22:25

I am doing good nk. Feeling almost back to my old self. I feel like I have learnt a lot about myself and have taken such incredible wisdom from this thread which made me see that I am a normal person but with things that I could do better, for myself. I really consider it a place of friendship now where we share not just nc issues but other grinds too.

Huntinginthedark · 27/02/2018 22:32

Thanks MyRelationshipIsWeird and belonger
I guess I just feel like I spent a year going nc back and forth and wasted so much
And I’ve got to start all over again on this fucking road.
It’s just so depressing.
Thank you though.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 27/02/2018 22:46

Wow Itsa that's really fantastic to hear. Do you feel nearly out the other side?

ThePartingLass · 27/02/2018 22:53

Sorry your feeling so sad hunting. I was in a similar situation with my NC, very off and on at times, but I joined this thread when true NC was needed, and that was very scarey, to begin to process the changed situation and to begin to properly grieve.

I am about 7 weeks down the line and suddenly just in the last couple of days have felt much better... it's hard to put my finger on exactly why, but i feel lighter and freer. Things will get better for you but you won't heal in a straight line. X

ThePartingLass · 27/02/2018 22:55

That's great itsa and I feel similar. This thread has really helped me, there's so much wisdom and kindness.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 27/02/2018 23:00

TheParting so glad to hear you are feeling much better too

Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname · 27/02/2018 23:10

7 weeks of NC TheParting ??

anxiousnow · 27/02/2018 23:13

Hi itsa I agree about this thread and so glad you are feeling good.

part glad last few days have been better for you too.

hunting sorry you are struggling. Post here whenever you feel the need to contact NC or just want to talk things over.

NK sorry your boss has let you and others down. Have you seen any more you are interested in? I am angry at your H on your behalf. Shows he was playing nice then the very morning after you clarifying, he turns. He can't really go back on that now though. Watch out for petty spite next. Is he the type to try and be unfair about kids etc? At the time my H keft he had me crippled in fearof losing my kids as I got some Anti D's when he left. I had images of them shacked up with OW. I wish I had been stronger back then. He could never scare me in that regard now. It did show me the spite that can seemingly come from no where though.

oldbrook is your exH patient to wait for you?

MyRelationshipIsWeird · 27/02/2018 23:21

ThePartingLass 7 weeks, well that's totally do-able, reassuring to know. Glad you're seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. The ups and downs are hard to deal with aren't they.

I've stopped thinking about my NC so much since finding a beautiful man on POF that I'm chatting to. Have totally transferred my sexual feelings onto him and getting butterflies when his messages come in, obsessively checking my POF inbox and feeling gutted when he hasn't replied instead of wishing for emails from NC.

I'm hoping this is a healthy thing - I know nothing will happen with him (he's 10 years younger) but its taking my mind off XDP and will be much easier to wean off this one than my 5 year love affair, so I'm seeing it like Nicorette

It's definitely adding to my suspicion that I'm codependent though. Two days of messaging a total stranger and I'm hooked on the idea of him. His profile pic does remind me a little of XDP when I first met him. OMG and he's the same age as he was too but prettier Uh maybe it's not such a good idea?!

ThePartingLass · 27/02/2018 23:22

Bloody it's been 7 weeks of minimal contact to be precise!! Yes there has been a bit of contact but only when unavoidable 😬!

Still dreading the thought of seeing him in the pub or shop etc with new gf, etc, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it ... I'm avoiding favourite haunts to some extent but that'll be harder to do as we get into spring and summer and there's more stuff happening.

Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname · 27/02/2018 23:26

Well that is l great theparting ! Yes I too am dreading running into my NC but it is much more recent .

Ravenscloak · 27/02/2018 23:28

Well done everyone - another day gone. I come to this thread as a distraction and it’s great

anxiousnow · 27/02/2018 23:33

myrelationship I really don't want to be the voice of doom but that is what I did. My trueNC really messed me up. Then I found someone really like him on OLD. I even thought it was him at first. Transferred my feelings from NC over. Messed me up even more. Hopefully this don't happen to you but it sounds so similar. Is the POF newie lookinh for a relationship?

MyRelationshipIsWeird · 27/02/2018 23:38

anxious I've only just seen the resemblance, I'm an idiot! The sparkling blue eyes, brown hair, stubble - it would be funny if it weren't so sad!!

He is looking for a relationship and said he usually likes older women, but I think 10 years may be a step too far so I honestly don't think I'll even get to meet up let alone anything else. But at least now I'm aware of it.

I'm also chatting to a really sound guy who is talking about psychology, validating emotions etc and sounds like a really interesting bloke. But sadly not seeing the attraction. I know it's too soon to be thinking about any of it, but its a good distraction, as long as it doesn't mess me up even more.

ThePartingLass · 27/02/2018 23:42

myrelationship I totally get you about distractions in the form of dating, and that's partly what's helped me. I would say keep on with it! I've just had second date with lovely tinder man , we had a proper snog tonight, and he held my hand walking to the pub (thank you snow for giving him the excuse to hold my hand!)

He was about my 6th date, I had no bad experiences with the others but no spark either. This one has been a game changer, he's in my line of work (farming) so totally gets it. He understands as well about how the isolation in our line of work can lead us to brood and dwell, and feel shit especially in winter! But I'm pleased that my lighter and freer feeling preceded the second date... I don't want this man to be the only thing that gets me over nc... that needs to come from within, and I think it is doing.

anxiousnow · 27/02/2018 23:48

theparting glad your dating is going well bit yes please be careful as you say, for him to not be the reason you are feeling better.

myrelationship I also met another guy on OLD who was very different to my NC. That didn't mess me up. It is just because you mentioned that he reminded you of NC and because of how hooked you are. This is why this one particular man from OLD was so harmful for me. I didn't meet him but text a lot and got into really personal things. I definitely got over invested too soon. Please be careful. Mine were younger too

Flip

1 2 ··· 26 27 28 ··· 39 40