NC Dignity Club part 7: always wear your invisible crown

[Belonger]

A thread for anyone wanting support with going or staying in No Contact. No judgement, just lots of support. Warning: this thread can seriously increase your willpower and self esteem!

Recommend also visiting website from Natalie Lue, Baggage Reclaim, or reading her book The No Contact Rule.

Nk that sounds grim! why is it troubles rarely come singly!
sending you a ((()))

myRelationship yes, but he has all this info about me now which I trusted him with. It is very sensitive. I feel really exposed.

So sorry about your awful day nk, you've got enough to deal with without work problems as well. Big hand hold from me.

basseting sounds like you feel vulnerable about the written stuff you sent him, I'm sorry if you feel like he's betrayed your trust in some way. At least he's being honest about his feelings and that he can't continue communicating with you in the same way. I do feel like he's more trouble than he's worth and another lesson in how we can't assume old friendships will ever remain unchanged. Can you just put it down to experience and put him on the NC list? I'm not sure what's to be gained by having any further contact with him.

Belonger yes he IS on the NC list as of that email but yes I do feel very exposed about the parts of my book i sent. He knows that. Ugh.

Maybe it's just a sign that your trust barometer and boundaries need a bit of a tweak, basseting. A crappy childhood can leave us with patterns of overtrusting, not always difficulty trusting.

Good for you basseting, putting him on the list. I'm sorry it's left you feeling all ugh and exposed. That will hopefully fade with time. The fact that he's setting himself some boundaries with you (even if he's doing it a bit late) suggests he might have a decent moral compass so is unlikely to share your info with anyone.

Are you planning to publish the book? This might be some useful info about what aspects of your life dont feel OK to share

Yes perhaps you are right!
I think because MF was initially so straight with his responses re childhood (and was THERE at the end so useful comments to add)
I felt I could trust him - in high contrast to DOM who said: 'stop wallowing and get on with it'.
I only wanted friendship with MF and he is clear that it was not me getting muddled but him.
I do feel sad that I have been so open with two people this year and one has future faked and lied through his teeth. MF hasnt done that but I still dont feel i can contact him now and I was only part way through the stuff i wanted feedback on.. Pah.

I would only ever publish VERY anonymously. All names changed etc.

But he now knows it is 'me'. And might discuss with his wife who is obv v twitchy about me and who might then not be so decent.?

Pah indeed, you've had some rotten disappointments. Their loss, the pair of them,theyve missed out on your friendship, which you can save for someone more deserving.

bassetting another who agrees you should leave it. In fact he’s doing the right thing as far as MN decrees, respecting his wife’s wishes and minimising contact. He sounds decent and someone who you probably can trust. I’m sorry that it’s had to come to this when you were clear it was nothing more than friends though. What a shame

basseting I also agree with the others who say just forget about him . He has done the right thing by letting you know so I also agree that he seems to be fair. However if you REALLY felt you had to, you could send one message saying "OK I understand but please be aware that what I discussed with you was confidential or similar and would you return or destroy "? I do understand how it feels to really trust someone and tell them things . Sometimes I think they do not realise how much it has taken to open up and you are probably disappointed with that too.

NK sorry you are having hard times . It's not possible to stay at your job for now ?

hi all. Yes he has been straightforward now I agree.
But all the 'oh, DOM has been so awful when you really let him in, why don't you tell me about it instead ' stuff I could have done without.
I think i will send the:
' Ok. Pls do NOT discuss book contents with anyone and destroy'. m

Sad though. My boundaries with DOM were poor.
My boundaries with MF were watertight (didnt fancy plus after DOM.)
yet i still lose 2 friendships?

It's not fair is it basseting, but when was anything involving human emotions fair?? You have to respect Museum guy's wishes if he's struggling with having the wrong sort of feelings for you. It's not his fault he's gone and got the hots for you, you're clearly too smokin'!

Ah Belonger I hope I'm not sounding like a toddler in the sandpit?

But i have taken two polarised approaches and neither has worked

I am still reeling from ExH (in terms of help and support with kids)

Maybe its ME?

Basseting he sounds decent and I can't see him sharing the contents. He's just fallen for you and fair play to him, he's recognised it and is pulling back.

Well you can't help it if someone develops feelings for you that you don't want or intend, that's just how life is sometimes. Maybe it's just too complicated revisiting friendships from the past, esp someone you had a relationship with. It's maybe set him off on a nostalgia trip, you probably remind him of his lost youth.

But that doesn't matter, it's his problem.

I think it's just sod's law that you've been wanting the other guy, but it's this one who wants you.

Yy re sods law.
He sent me these words;
@and I wonder if you know, that i never understood, that although you said you'd go, until you did, I never thought you would'. I assume he was down memory lane to when we were 17?

I just thought: DOM!! DOM!!! 'DOM!!!' and I cried.

Cupids bloody arrow and all.

I have noticed when he is on messenger (only SM i use) he clicks off fairly quick if I go on. which seems a bit petty. Thank God DOM is not on SM (or I dont know which if he is? Lots of Thai Bride sites prob....) Bleargh!!! Bloody men...

Blimey yes, he sounds like a soppy teenager! Not what you need, a married overgrown 17 year old!

If it was me, I'd take it all as a clear sign that the person you were all those years ago has grown up and moved on, with a strong woman's crown on. Time to look for something NEW!

How are you feeling nk?

Have these and one of these

Thanks so much Belonger. I feel worn out. Not sure who is wearing me out the most, my boss or my H

Back again
How do you move on when someone has lied to you and let you down and smashed all your dreams.
Struggling massively. I was on the first one of these, came back, left again.
Back again, a year of back and forth
Just feel like a total failure. Wish I could just feel rage. But I can’t seem to. Fucking sad really

Welcome hunting, sorry you're having a tough time. Going no contact is so hard, everyone on here struggles sometimes. Hope we can help you get through it.

Oh Hunting Find your rage, it will make it so much easier. You're not a failure for trying and believing in something getting better.

Manic day and just walked in the door... Feeling very rough so will catch up with everyone properly tomorrow but @nk just wanted to send you a hug 🤗

I've been looking at WhatsApp all day - WTF . Why do I feel comfort in seeing him on there ? So pathetic ....I even snuck a look at his photo ...on the upside it's another day of NC and I have booked a holiday for later in the year .