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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

NC Dignity Club part 7: always wear your invisible crown

999 replies

Belonger · 23/02/2018 15:09

A thread for anyone wanting support with going or staying in No Contact. No judgement, just lots of support. Warning: this thread can seriously increase your willpower and self esteem!

Recommend also visiting website from Natalie Lue, Baggage Reclaim, or reading her book The No Contact Rule.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
25
MyRelationshipIsWeird · 26/02/2018 22:28

thank you, that made me cry, in a good way. xx

Zoo33 · 26/02/2018 22:30

@MyRelationshipIsWeird It's partly that getting married by Elvis wasn't on my to do list 😬

I echo @Itsalottery It doesn't sound great that someone running a group like that wasn't more open and friendly. They're supposed to encourage you to go, not put you off!

Oldbrook · 26/02/2018 22:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyRelationshipIsWeird · 26/02/2018 22:42

Interesting article here on how to spot the difference between regular dependence on people and codependence. It seems that it usually involves an addict and their caretaker. My NC isn't an addict in a traditional sense, but he definitely had obsessive behaviours around food, spending, technology etc, with no impulse control. Whatever he was into, he went into it 100% and got carried away to the exclusion of all else.

His ex is an alcoholic, so I guess he was always involved in the drama that those relationships bring. This line summed it up for me "the codependent’s drug of choice is the addict himself."

seshi · 26/02/2018 23:44

@anxiousnow @Bloody and everyone... Had super busy day... Been on a date tonight with somone I met old over a year ago... Handsome, charming and 20 years my Junior..
But I am back at my hotel missing my rogue of a twat... Feeling pathetic but I am allowing myself to think I can contact him on 30 days... I do so totally love him... Yet I know he is a using ass!!! What is wrong with me!???

Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname · 26/02/2018 23:52

seshi you don't miss him as such - you miss the HIM THAT YOU WOULD LIKE HIM TO BE

Go with the 30 days in your head if it provides you with comfort and gets you through - who knows you may well feel different by then !

Nothing wrong with you - you are only human !

Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname · 26/02/2018 23:54

When we were talking about crowns the other day I found this ! Me like very much ! (It's a ring)

NC Dignity Club part 7: always wear your invisible crown
anxiousnow · 27/02/2018 00:00

Myrelationship if you have the courage to go then do it. It us a shame the woman wasn't more welcoming though. If you don't like it you can always leave. I couldn't go as struggle in those situations and although i was joking about a room of NC's there is some seriousness in it. I would definitely feel for some man in there. Let us know if you go.

itsa glad you are ok. Star for you too. Less SM stalking is really so huge. My friends don't get that at all. I am ok today. But I know it will change but yay for the up days hey.

zoo I would be tempted too in the midst of it all even if i knew it was crazy. Knowing that he would welcome you back but going NC shows a super strength.

seshi I echo bloody stick with the 30 days. It is the man you want him to be that you miss. Not him.

NK are you ok? We are here if you still need a friend

anxiousnow · 27/02/2018 00:02

seshi sorry. How was the date? I know he wasn't NC but did you enjoy yourself?

bloody I love the ring!! It should be awarded to us all

anxiousnow · 27/02/2018 00:04

Thanks for the link My relationship will read now.

Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname · 27/02/2018 00:24

anxious YES to this " yay for the up days hey."

plushsuppie321 · 27/02/2018 00:54

I’ve just woken up to a message from my NC. I’m messaging here, instead of messaging back. Part of me thinks I could respond with a ‘No, I want to stop’ - but it’s best not to enter into any conversation?

Zoo33 · 27/02/2018 01:03

@plushsuppie321 If he's anything like my NC, any message, no matter what it says, is an invitation. Stay strong!

anxiousnow · 27/02/2018 01:04

plush will you regret replying? Can you sit it out until tomorrow at least so you can think about it. I don't know your situation but you wanted help with not replying. So please try not to, at least not tonight.

plushsuppie321 · 27/02/2018 01:10

Thanks Zoo. I’m deleting message. I’ll get through tomorrow, thinking first 24 hours will be hardest. Will post here anytime I feel tempted.

plushsuppie321 · 27/02/2018 01:13

And thank you anxious. That’s what I plan to do. Going to go back to sleep, keep my day busy tomorrow.

anxiousnow · 27/02/2018 02:11

Well done plush Star

Oldbrook · 27/02/2018 02:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

seshi · 27/02/2018 05:25

@anxiousnow date was lovely..
But we live 200 miles away from each other and he is 29 and I am 47 😁... He took me to a lovely bar and was great company. That's why I don't understand why I want NC so much... I think its the hurt that he literally has dropped me like a stone. I have been awake since 3.30...getting a cold and wishing I was home. Got my event today so hoping it goes well. I feel like I am going backwards tbh BUT I sure as hell will not contact him Yet... I really really want to get to 30 days..
How is every one else this morning?

plushsuppie321 · 27/02/2018 06:18

I’ve woken up, composing responses to him in my head. I’m writing here instead. Going to get up, do some jobs.

Ravenscloak · 27/02/2018 06:45

Morning starting day 5 of NC. Had some friends over last night and didn’t tell them I’ve been dumped! When my marriage broke down I told everyone everything so this is really good. No drama and getting on with life. Good luck to everyone today!

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 27/02/2018 06:57

Morning all.

Thanks Anxious. Had a good chat with H last night and he knows we are 100% over. He wants us to concentrate on being friends.

How are you?

Seshi the date sounds lovely. Will you see him again?

Hello to everyone else

Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname · 27/02/2018 07:10

oldbrook no need to ever feel embarrassed or pathetic . I know I keep on saying it but we are only human .

Day 19 for me and it is feeling good even although I woke thinking about him. It was in a different way - it was more an acceptance of what we did and had without the desire to still be there . I feel more confident now that if he were to turn up on my doorstep I would not fall into his arms . Can't say it is 100% but I would say that I am at about 95% ...

Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname · 27/02/2018 07:14

NK that must be a relief for you ( although I know that you still have a long path ahead of you )

seshi good luck today with your event

ravens Day 5 forward and onwards , well done

plush good on you not replying

hallo everyone - here's to a good day !

seshi · 27/02/2018 07:15

@nk morning... Hope you are still doing well... I am sure I will see him when I am back in London... Nice distraction...

I feel really fluey and wondering if this is why I have been feeling weak concerning him... Got to get my event over get home and get real again!!! @Bloody how are you?

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