NC Dignity Club part 7: always wear your invisible crown

[Belonger]

A thread for anyone wanting support with going or staying in No Contact. No judgement, just lots of support. Warning: this thread can seriously increase your willpower and self esteem!

Recommend also visiting website from Natalie Lue, Baggage Reclaim, or reading her book The No Contact Rule.

Didn't have my usual dip today - think that acquaintance talked some sense into me or is it just time passing and a busy day ?

I have deliberately not looked at WhatsApp to see if he has or hasn't been on it today - well I did it twice only as opposed to every bloody hour of the day ! Told myself that I had really cut it back so twice was "allowed". Also told myself today that his life is none of my concern now and mine is none of his . I am not going to be friends with a man who lied and manipulated me. He made his choice . Stupidly I even think that he will be looking at my WhatsApp sometimes to see when I am on - now I know that I am not crazy as I know others here will feel the same (plus he admitted that he "watched" me via WhatsApp and he has all my messages and photos ).

myrelationship your post - I could have written that . The sex and the animal connection . I also fear that I will never experience this again .

Panicked that our thread was so far down !! Thought I had lost my support team

Evening all.

I don't know what I'd do if I lost my support on here

You’re all doing so well. I’ve worked out I’m day 24 without actual physical contact. I’m feeling less emotional the last few days but I feel that I need to message a second time to ask to have the ‘chat’ and ask him to reply either way to me. If he ignores then I know for sure that his latest words were just meaningless lies like everything else. I keep trying to put it off but I know I won’t settle until I’ve proved it to myself thst he doesn’t care so I’m thinking I might as well get it over with innthe hope it will help me move on. I’m determined to not waste my life while he’s out living his to the full.

Yes oldbrook and NK it is like Weight Watchers for the brain !!

I have also decided to stop looking at Online Dating for now and that I have to grieve properly my NC - regardless of the negatives there were positives too and it can't be fixed by a quick hook up . Grieving does not include contact though !

Argh rubbish typing

Hi @MyRelationshipIsWeird From what you've said it sounds like we're in a relatively similar position. As far as the sex goes in my own ex- relationship, I have to believe I'll find that connection again, but this time with someone who deserves to be with me and who'll treat me the way I deserve to be treated.

I've felt this horrible urge to message him today. I haven't of course because that would be stupid and I know he'd welcome me back with open arms which I can't do to myself. I'm 10 days completely NC and it's so hard!

Zoo must be very hard to be NC when you know you'd be welcomed back with open arms.

Oldbrook yes I felt it was empowering and boosted my self esteem. I also felt more in control

Same here oldbook the door is open but I don't want what's on offer any more.

@NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 It really is! His last suggestion (before I blocked him) was that we elope to Vegas to get married. Because that would solve the emotional abuse... I know I'm better out of it but it doesn't make this any easier.

Was the emotional abuse very bad Zoo?

At times I wonder if it was. But he made me think I was going to be a single mum (before I lost the baby anyway) and at one point I tried to commit suicide (a year before the miscarriage so I can't even blame it on that). So I guess it was bad enough for me. My family weren't honest about how they felt about him until I decided to leave him - and my mother said it would have broken her heart if I'd married him (and that was before she knew the full story).

I really need a friend tonight so of course I want to message my NC. It's so bloody hard isn't it?

Oh Zoo that sounds like a really awful time. You're definitely well rid of him

Thanks @NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 It sounds like we're all better off without our NCs for various reasons.

@MyGastIsFlabbered We're listening, please don't message him. or if you prefer.

Thanks. I just feel totally overwhelmed with life....I'm moving house next week and it's just so stressful. And I feel so lonely. I miss him but I know he's not going to give me what I want.

Mygast moving is so stressful. No Wonder you want to message him

I just have to keep reminding myself of how many years I've shed over him and that I don't want to shed any more

The only thing I can think to suggest is focus on is the fact he won't give you what you want. Moving is horrendously stressful but you can do it and you'll be justifiably proud of yourself once it's done (without him).

I'm trying to buy a house (the second one now as the first fell through). He and I were weeks away from buying a house together at Christmas - I almost need to buy something (anything??) just to prove to myself that I can do it without him. It sounds silly when I see it written down in black and white.

You can do this. You don't need him.

zoo nothing sounds silly on here , believe me !

mygast no messaging tonight - post here

It's funny, I'm not particularly superstitious but I always wish on a shooting star when I see one. Our first night on our first holiday together we saw a huge meteorite and my wish was to be happy. Load of good that did me. Maybe I should stick to wishing wells and new moons.

Oh no ..... new moons all drive us apeshit on here