NC Dignity Club part 7: always wear your invisible crown

[Belonger]

A thread for anyone wanting support with going or staying in No Contact. No judgement, just lots of support. Warning: this thread can seriously increase your willpower and self esteem!

Recommend also visiting website from Natalie Lue, Baggage Reclaim, or reading her book The No Contact Rule.

Belonger
you go wash your mind out with soap right now!!
I am sitting on them. He made his choice and is literally 'out in the cold' in his little monks cell room feeling sorry for himself!
I am reading, writing, drinking coffee, taking care of myself.

(remembers kid at primary school who was actually made to wash his mouth out with soap by a horrible dinner lady - i can still see the bite marks in the bar! he was a nice kid and didnt deserve it.

No Belonger, I didn't but thanks to you I will do so now.

Thank you for the love and strength - I need all I can get today . This thread is great - thank you everyone

Your house sounds lovely and snug Basseting. Sit on them hands.

Feeling calmer again now. Hope everyone is okay

basseting glad you are snug and looking after yourself. Do not text DOM.

oldbrook That quote is so true about self esteem. That has really made me think. Thank you. Last night I was so desperate to chat to one of my men... but noooo that just covers over a hole I need to fix mysrlf. Thank you for that. It is nice yoyr NC sent the message but glad you are not responding.

teens how did your son's sporting event abroad go?

Keep your crowns, whether it be sun or snow on them.

Hi all. This thread has been recommended to me. I desperately need to go and stay non contact. Would it be ok if I join you all without too many details?

Welcome Plush

Hello plush
Welcome ((()))
This thread is not a judgmental place I find.
It is for helping support you going/staying NC in situations where you NEED to.

Thank you. May I ask about blocking? It's such a simple thing to do right?

Thank you Basseting, you've been a great help x

I can block, I can delete - it's the weak moment I have - and then I reverse it. How do I deal with the 'weak moment'?

basically, TALK to US not him!
It doesnt take away the yearning. we cant replace the sex (!) or the 'love' but the companionship, wisdom, humour on here is an enormous help in weak moments (I've had many and my NC is a guy from 'way back' who treats me badly so I have some sympathy for what you got stuck in)x

Hello plush. I’ve been NC 5 days (since being dumped) but it’s great here - text us not him, and congratulate yourself for every day and take it a day at a time.

Thank you. Basseting - how long have you been NC now? I won't initiate contact with him, but I respond when he contacts me, and this is what I need to stop. Have you tried blocking? I'm sorry to hear that Raven. 5 days is great. He contacted me on Friday, I responded. I want to NC from now on.

Just passes my one week milestone! Def easier this time

Welcome plush, good to have you with us. Basseting is right, we can't take away those moments of longing or yearning, but we can help you put up with them until they pass. We can also help you resist any automatic urge to reply to a message just because you always have, or because it feels weird or rude not to. Just come and post on here if you're having the urge to contact him and we'll remind you why you really don't want to.

I think you mentioned this quote first, oldbook? It's a good reminder

plush
my marriage ended 18m ago. After, I resumed contact with man from many years back. He is not particularly kind and contact is sporadic.
I am working on why I struggle to believe I deserve better! And NC! :)

That's great Belonger. I need to break a cycle of repeated behaviour. How many days have you been NC Basseting?

I’m the same as you belonger. I just want it over and out of my mind. I think if he ever got in touch properly (in the unlikely event) I’d want to just say, as a friend, let me go

Yes this is what I want too ! ^

Started the day out feeling like shit - actually spoke to an acquaintance today and outlined the story to her ( she didn't know ) - she let loose a torrent of abuse about how I had been treated and said JUST STAY AWAY FROM HIM . He is a liar and a cheat - and you know what ? She is right . I went on WhatsApp today but did not look at his "last seen" - a small victory for me . Honestly some people would think that is pathetic . Difficult time of the day coming up for me though - late afternoon but then it always was . I shall iron and watch trash on TV while I do so .

I dont know about your hormones , girls but I crave the sex that I had with him and my head is filled at times with images of that . It is receding though I feel and hope.

bloody I think that's a brilliant achievement about the WhatsApp thing - any little change like that in your habitual checking is BIG progress in my view. And the sex thing - I used to have lots of fabulous memories but they have definitely faded (in a good way) and I don't get unsettled/tempted by them like I used to. Time is a massive healer, but I underestimate how much difference it makes!

Hi Plush 👋. It’s really helpful to have people here who understand what you’re going through and why it’s so hard. Sometimes other people are like “why don’t you just not reply” as if it’s that easy. There are all sorts of motivations for replying or instigating contact, most of which (for me) boil down to not accepting that I deserve better! Whatever yours are - not wanting that to be an end to it, not wanting him to think you’re rude, hoping it will remind him you’re still there even if you can’t be with him etc hopefully you can find some peace here.

Saying that, I fucked up and am back to square one today. . Answered an email as he seemed to think I’d been snooping in his google docs. Turns out my DS used my computer last night and must have clicked on something he shouldn’t have making me look like a stalker. So obvs I had to answer it and explain (even though I’m sure he didn’t believe me!!) and that opened up a bit more chat.

I dropped into the conversation that I had joined POF (in my rational mind it was as a courtesy, in case he saw me on there, but I know it was also a little bit of twisting the knife, trying to hurt him ) but that backfired when he just wished me well and said he wasn’t going to do online dating, just see if someone came along and concentrate on “what’s important” ie becoming a big wig at work and losing weight not that he’s shallow or anything

So now I feel even more shit that he’s basically just patted me on the head and gone “run along then”. I don’t know what I wanted really - maybe for him to think it’s a bit quick or express some sort of remorse. Instead he just said he doesn’t hold a grudge against me

This is why we do NC!!

Well done Bloody that is a good step in the right direction. Baby steps and all that. Be found deleting any messages as soon as they come in helps too, so that I don’t reread and obsess over them.

And yes, the sex, I’m not sure I’ll ever feel like that about anyone else - it’s the main reason I can’t just let it go - he woke something up in me and I’m pretty sure he’ll never find anyone who makes him feel like that either.

Think that’s half the trouble though - I’ve overlooked all the ways in which it just doesn’t work because of an animal connection, and I’m sure it’s the same for a lot of us.

Hi My Relationship. Gosh, bet that has sent you reeling. Bit like letting a wound heal - you must not touch or pick at it - for any reason! But you can start again - here - with me - I'm day 1.