NC Dignity Club part 7: always wear your invisible crown

[Belonger]

A thread for anyone wanting support with going or staying in No Contact. No judgement, just lots of support. Warning: this thread can seriously increase your willpower and self esteem!

Recommend also visiting website from Natalie Lue, Baggage Reclaim, or reading her book The No Contact Rule.

I recall you wondering NK during those 30 days of NC if he was thinking about you. That feeling never goes away, does it? Regardless of whether it's 1 or 30 days of silence we always wonder what they're thinking about and often we cannot get away from the negative voices in our heads whispering 'he's moved on' or 'he doesn't care anymore'.

Oh Solly that must be so hard for you. In such life threatening moments it's so hard to remain reasonable and unemotional. You love him and I'd like to think that love is a source of positive energy. Wouldn't it be great if your energy could help him feel better?

I bet you're all churned up.

Also, as a side note, having been through the horrendous upheaval of divorce I would never ever want someone to go through all that indirectly or directly because of me.

Solly what's your background story again?

Getting I was really worried during the 30 days that he had forgotten me but I had to trust that we both needed that space.

So I go to have a nap and what do I find when I come back ? Disarray in the ranks ?

anxious I don' t think you should be messaging him to "clear the air" so that he can message you if he wants to ....ummmmm thats like me saying I will message my NC and say that I didn't feel lead on by him so that he can message me if he wants to ? It really doesn't make sense . It is not NC ! If he had said something you did not like would it stop you from contacting him ?

seshi no please don't give in and message next week. You have come so far - I get this can be your way of "settling your mind" for now though ....enjoy London ! Hope you don't get caught up in any bad weather !

getting an emotional affair is no "better" than a physical one and in fact I believe it is actually worse and more of a betrayal to the wife/partner than a purely physical one. I wanted to have sex with my NC - in fact I propositioned him and I don't hold him responsible for leading me astray . His crime was to start declaring his feelings to me when he should not and then we became even more emotionally intertwined.

solly if these men really wanted to leave their wives/partners they would DO so - what they say is irrelevant - it's all about actions not words.

Sorry if any of the above sounds harsh. It's not meant to be because for me it is all "about you " and your wellbeing and nothing about these men !

Feel free to tell me off/offer an alternative view at ANY time as I know that I need it at times. This is what is great about this group - when one is weak, the others are strong and there to support . What we talk about here is at times very contentious as I realise there is also a thread on MN offering support to betrayed wives and partners . I have been there as well as my Ex cheated on me so know it from both sides. My NC said that he deliberately kept his status secret from me because he knew that I would not get involved.

How are you this evening Getting?

Well I've kept busy with a DIY project all day and haven't got in touch. I've forbid myself from texting until the middle of the week and will keep myself distracted until then doing other diy jobs on the house.

I'm fairly sure I'll be ignored for a second time when I do make contact but I think I need that to happen to show me that I'm wasting my time and that his words about explaining /friendship were empty lies just as the rest of our time together seems to have been. And if by some miracle he actually has a heart and does respond, hopefully I'll be less emotional in a few days. It hurts but I'm starting to feel slightly more detached from him today. I've chatted to a few men online, probably won't lead to anything but if I get a date out of it, it might help me move on. I realised today that so much of what I'm missing is the ritual of dating him - bathing, doing my hair, nails, nice outfit, driving over. It made me feel good about myself and was a break from work and being a single mum. I can hopefully recreate that with someone new.

Step away from your phones. I repeat, step away from your phones!

Watching The Mask movie with my dc today (I feel old). Oh how I ironically laughed at the line 'most men think monogamy is a type of wood'

You're all really keeping me strong so thank you

@nk do you think I should wait 30 days?

I'm absolutely fine NK. How about you?

Bloodyuseless I'm sure none of us take your words in the wrong way; they come from your heart. I never said an EA was better or worse than a sexual affair. That's why I heeded the warning on this thread and stopped things in their tracks as far as me and the biologist were concerned. Plus, I'm not wavering; I've been through a hell of a lot worse than laughing in the face of temptation ( ) but one of my character traits is that most of the time I prefer to see the best in people. That's why I prefer to be indulgent towards my old NC who is a complete nutter and I certainly don't want to judge the biologist negatively. I don't like feeling anger or hate. I much prefer forgiving (if not forgetting). Even my ex husband, who treated me like shit, I prefer to forgive. Because, ultimately, it's a hard burden carrying resentment for someone else.

Seshi yes I think you should try not to message. I honestly would never have messaged mine. I was prepared to walk away broken hearted because if they really want you they will chase.

In the case of Anxious if she genuinely wants to apologise for insulting her NC then I think she should

'most men think monogamy is a type of wood'

I'm chuckling aloud now LittleGidding, thank you!

I'd be the same as you Getting. My NC has done nothing to warrant me hating him. He's perfectly entitled to walk away at any time because we've not made any promises to each other. If he did I'd be devastated but I know he is a good soul so I wouldn't hate him

Getting I'm good this evening thank you. So glad I had my tipsy rant on here!

This rings true lol

Love the second one Friends

Thank you getting and you are right about carrying resentment . It is a burden - my ex is one of those people . I have said on here before that I have a soft spot for my NC as despite his lying he made a massive difference to my life - hence my post earlier today about trying to remember the positives of situations and people .

Trying to clean the house now ! Time has got later than I planned .

Ok girls I am going to need some major hand holding to get through to 30 days

We are here for you Seshi. What day are you at?

So NK you waited 30 days! Good for you. I am on day 3! It all happened v fast, just had a conversation and some how it ended with me saying I was going NC. I’m sure he ended it though. A bit of an emotional blur. My last message was that I would respect his wishes and not contact him, but he could contact me. And that I loved him. He said he was so sorry and he loved me too. His life is v busy and the truth is he didn’t have enough time for me and that upset me which upset him - so neither of us were happy.

I am hoping he’ll miss me so must stay NC!

Day 14 x

Ravens he messaged me on Day 30 and on the eve of the Supermoon. I wouldn't have ever messaged him.

You're nearly half way there Seshi!