NC Dignity Club part 7: always wear your invisible crown

[Belonger]

A thread for anyone wanting support with going or staying in No Contact. No judgement, just lots of support. Warning: this thread can seriously increase your willpower and self esteem!

Recommend also visiting website from Natalie Lue, Baggage Reclaim, or reading her book The No Contact Rule.

Seshi what's going on for you?

He just asked how my head is today (because I was out last night). I haven't replied yet.

Ugh me too seshi. I want to ask his advice about something but maybe that's an excuse. He never answered the last question I asked him (nothing about us just general stuff) so am leaving it for now.

Was all good listening to music until Biffy's opposites came on and I burst into tears at the words. God does this ever end?

That sounds grogeous Basseting. My cupboards are bare but going to hit Tesco soon for some lovely food to treat myself.

NK how are feeling about that?

my crown slipped (quelle surprise!)
I sent DOM a text Friday am saying: 'perhaps your shrivelled heart could manage a get well card? - perhaps the rest of you will shrivel too and one day we will meet for coffee and I will look round and not find you but Rumpelstiltskin, lurking in the corner'. I am a muppet :(
Unsurprisingly no reply
A card will prob not* arrive next week. I am not beating myself up. This was a small Op before the biggy I may have next month so I am viewing this as a practice 'dress rehersal' and hoping the actual show will go better. Pours tea.

Basseting en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trevor_Jordache

Joining you girlies on this post check it every day for determination. First day starting NC. Feeling determined just now but sure il have to sit on my hands at some point. Have deleted him from WhatsApp so no temptation...

I'm so sorry Basseting but your message made me laugh.

Only thing I remember about Brookside was lots of denim jackets and the huge fuss at women kissing on telly.

LittleGidding dont be sorry, glad it made someone laugh!
I've wasted so much time with carefully crafted and timed messages and emails over the last 18months that sometimes I just have to dash one off and to hell with the consequences! I was feeling all 'near-death'-ish (reality v minor foot op, Lord help me when I have the big one, being a drama llama and all...) so thought, sod the consequences

Little I wouldn't message him if has ignored a previous message. Don't give him the chance to ignore you again.

I'm feeling okay and like I might have been a bit OTT with 4am rant on here. He hasn't put a foot wrong in terms of replying to me and being lovely. The brilliant thing is I came on here to rant and didn't rant at him. Now that would have been most undignified.

Basseting he truly is awful. He doesn't care that you've been unwell. He is not decent and doesn't deserve you. But you know that

ravens that is me too. After my marriage failing my NC made me feel like there was happiness. Again, his affection for me plus the huge chemistry but if I look at his clothes etc not my type.
bloody not everyone who enters our life is meant to stay really resonates with me. It is something I struggle with hugely. Another friend told me this was one of my downfalls. If i connect with someone deeply I want them to stay in my life. I can 100% accept that relationships end but like to keep the friendship as how do you go from sharing so much to nothing.

Bless you NK your innercrituc even joking that he would go NC with you. Glad he has messaged back. How are you feeling?

oldbrook the fb comment is aimed at reeling you in. Stay strong. Him not making contact after hearing of your bereavement doesn't mean he doesn't care. Just that he isn't emotionally intelligent enough. Which we know is so true about your NC. But crumbs are not good enough for you. Even though he obviously wants to keep a friendship you still need time so that it no longer bothers you that it is just friends.

basseting thanks for the cake. Just what I needed. The tattoo is perfect for when you are healed.

Well done everyone. The sun us shining to sparkle from our crowns

Welcome lala

@basseting actually I think your message was kind of brilliant 😁... @nk I am still wobbly... Have loads to do today as I am away with work tomorrow. I actually had a date planned this afternoon but it would have meant me trekking out for an hour trip so I have postponed.... I really miss him... I am determined not to message him this week but its really hard.....I wish he wanted me but he doesn't...

NK just read your link- !!!!

Cor! weedkiller, painkiller o/d, knifing, patio burial - the 'men in my life' have no idea how lucky they have been i dont watch soaps....
Might give me ideas...

I am really struggling to keep up and have missed loads.

basseting did you message DOM?

Some of you are not only dealing with the huge hurt and struggle of NC but also beating yourselves up about trusting a married man. Please try and forgive your self. Being misled and trusting someone isn't a fault in you, but in the person lying.

Moon on the 1st? Interesting.

I agree exercise helps. Getting out with the sun on your face too.

I now regret sending the last message to lookalike as i feel like i made it impossible for him to contact me. A good friend hasn't replied to me for a week yet I am not sending her stupid messages so why did I do it to him.

anxious yep, I have a ways to go...

I like this:Autobiography in Five Short Chapters by Portia Nelson

1. I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in.

I am lost … I am hopeless.

It isn’t my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

1. I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don’t see it.

I fall in again.

I can’t believe I’m in the same place.

But it isn’t my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

1. I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I still fall in … it’s a habit.

My eyes are open.

I know where I am.

It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

1. I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

1. I walk down another street.

Copyright (c) 1993, by Portia Nelson from the book There's A Hole in My Sidewalk. Reproduced with kind permission from Beyond Words Publishing, Hillsboro, Oregon.

Number 5 could be: 'I adjust my Crown and walk down another street'?

Thanks NK

I love that Basseting. I have a step 3.5 I walk, see the hole fall in, still struggke to get out.
I found your brilliant shrivelling message to DOM. You deserve to add a jewel to that crown! It is brilliant. Any news from museum friend or has that all been put on stop for now?

Welcome lala

Basseting and yes to your number 5. No more walking down shrivelled DOM street for you.

anxious its a good poem isnt it? I found it on a diff thread about 'paths not taken poems' and I thought it might be appropriate for some of us re how many times we walk the same routes / blame ourselves (even if the holes have diff names). Yes, Museum Friend went weird y'day but cant post now as have Sunday Lunch/baths/homework etc and exH will sit and look bewildered / smug (he just took them out for 3 hrs so the rest of it is up to me. he will have food with us and bugger off as he has 'given me a rest'). I am still too sore and tired to risk saying 'bugger off' as he might and then it would be physically harder though mentall easier.

Anxiousnow, yep I fell for the lies of a married man. He hid it well for months, he always had valid sounding reasons why I couldn't go to his house or why we couldn't see much of each other - working away A LOT, having works done, alcoholic best friend staying, or he was staying at his mum's who is very ill.
Then when he was rumbled he came out with the usual - marriage is sexless, has been for a decade, he has a connection with me that he doesn't have with her, he only loves her like a sister, she doesn't know him as deeply as I do blah blah. They don't have children thank goodness.

It took many months for me to realise just how devious this man is. I'm having a bad time as I genuinely loved him, no idea why. I'm feeling sorry for myself, but then at least I can move on. His wife is stuck with him and does not know what a cheating scum he is.

Well done for going NC *xxlala”

6.5 miles walking done today and I think I spent most of it thinking about my NC . Mind you I forced myself to listen to "our music " as I feel I should be "up to " doing this by now ! (It is somewhat better ) Why do I do this to myself ? Can't stop thinking about having sex with him today FFS but then that's the music's fault .

solly YES His wife is stuck with him and does not know what a cheating scum he is." If she were to see the texts he sent me on e.g. Christmas Eve and her birthday etc etc , the length of time , his stated declarations to me - it would be devastating for her . Poor bloody woman - she has aged terribly in the short time they have been married ! Looks 10 years older ! ( Courtesy of SM stalking after the event and me finding out ) Thank God it's not me but I still hanker after him at certain times FFS!!! Cross with myself .

basseting the text - bloody brilliant hahahahahahahaaaaa.....

Solly
You loved a fake version of him. Sadly he is not the man you are in love with. Yes, his wife is stuck with him but not your fault.

Bloody
I test myself like that too. I don't have music with lookalike but with my trueNC I listen to the music we listened too. I can do it now but it does bring back the physical memories. I wonder if it does for them too.

Well done on walking