NC Dignity Club part 7: always wear your invisible crown

[Belonger]

A thread for anyone wanting support with going or staying in No Contact. No judgement, just lots of support. Warning: this thread can seriously increase your willpower and self esteem!

Recommend also visiting website from Natalie Lue, Baggage Reclaim, or reading her book The No Contact Rule.

Yes getting I see what you mean - after all it is those VERY qualities that attracted them in the first place if we believe what they say .

The mental intimacy - definitely - it has been stated to me too.

@oldbrook... Yes its contact... Feeble contact but contact none the less x

OldBrook in a typical male cowardly way I'd say yes. But does it change anything for you?

Completely understand friends, that's what had me reaching out throughout the week, wanting answers . I do feel better for it but that's because I got a decent reply, is a russian roulette to how you will be left if you are unsure if he will even answer or not.

Perhaps he doesn't read that is proper contact oldbrook? I think some people want to keep a certain amount of communication open to salve their own guilt about how much they've hurt someone.

Morning - on to day 3, feels like it’s been a lot longer!
I have little of my life intertwined with my NC. I’m planning to put the few things he gave me away and then pretend he never existed! Assume the last 1.5 yrs of my life didn’t happen (on the relationship front). I feel just how I did when my exH left - do I can pretend this is just a continuation of my marriage ending. But I’m over that. When I am stronger, later I can maybe let thoughts of him back in.

Well done Raven

On the subject of quotes, this has always been my favourite and got me through some bad times in the past.

I know he won’t contact me. He is very strong and well-disciplined in that area. Unless he decides he’s made a terrible mistake - but I don’t think he will (although he should!)

OldBrook I know so very little of your situation; just what you've shared with us but I'm not surprised he got back into contact with you so soon.

And I understand your anger too. I felt the same way about my NC man. I'd reached the point when I told him honestly I had feelings for him, he'd say he had some for me too but would then instigate meetings which never came to anything. It was unbearable (especially so shortly after my dad passing away). I realise he isn't capable of giving much simply because he is at cross-purposes with himself (and pretty fucked up emotionally in many ways).

If the shoe was on the other foot they'd be crying like babies at our halfhearted crumb throwing and empty promises.

I 100% adhere to that quote LittleGidding!

Good quote - I felt that after meeting NC after my divorce. Life could be better after all. But he’s ended it now too. Does anyone just sometimes feel they deserve a little luck in love - even though they don’t get it?

Oldbrook there's no doubt he misses you but don't reply. You'll get sucked back in again. Just remember you've stated your case and he can't give you what you want. He misses you as a friend, you want more than that. Hold that head up high, you're doing great

ravenscloak forward and onward ..sometimes these things get intertwined ie the marriage ending and then something like this and sometimes it escalates these things more than they deserve .

Try to look on the last 18 months for the positives - this is what I am trying to do . He got me through a bad patch while I was dealing with divorce shite , he made me laugh ( and cry ) again , we had the most amazing sex life after a marriage drought , I would be ready now for another sexual relationship with someone . I have been ruminating this morning and think that it was his desire for me that made me attracted to him . I had been starved of that . He was/is not my type at all - not on the same level financially or otherwise , short, skinny , wears stupid clothes, not even good looking , moody, shite in his marriage , cheated on his wife ( as it turns out ) , was so easy to get on board and was never a suitable candidate for a proper relationship. Not everyone who comes into our life is meant to be there permanently - they are just sometimes there to serve a purpose . My friends in the USA call this a "gateway relationship " - it is the one that gets you back on track and it can be with the most unsuitable person . It is just reminding yourself about that . So ...please remind me of this - probably this evening

oldbrook I think that they just don't think about these things they do - unlike us women!

raven "I felt that after meeting NC after my divorce. Life could be better after all. But he’s ended it now too. Does anyone just sometimes feel they deserve a little luck in love - even though they don’t get it?"

Yes ME ! I am older than the rest of you girls and the field has very slim pickings. I know I would like to be in a relationship again but it may not happen . I know that I have a lot to give . I need fate to give me a hand here !!

Just picture the crown slipping off in an ungainly fashion each time we send a message OldBrook. Stay strong. We're here for you and we understand.

Thank you for a great reply - I could say many of those things too - Yes he was different and it took me a while to adjust - but then I fell for him quite hard. Oh well.
It will me a long time before I let my barriers down for anyone else though.

Raven and Bloodyuseless, oh yes, I bloody do feel as though I want some luck after my shitty divorce! Last year I enjoyed getting back into the dating arena. I felt empowered and free. Now I realise that I have to work on setting boundaries and valuing myself and hopefully things will fall into place.

Yeah right!

I recall the anti-smoking campaign when I was a teenage in the eighties: 'just say no!'. There's so much power in that no. Saying no to my NC and saying 'no thank you very much' to the biologist.

Still feel lonely though. What a good job you're all here!

I’m 45 and a single mum to 2 lovely kids. But I have lots of good things - an amazing job I love which I will now throw myself into which will only be a good thing and friends and family around. Plus I’ve lost my appetite so the weight’s just falling off!

I’m glad you’re all here too - thank you

So much to the yes Raven, I can't believe how unlucky in love I've been. All my siblings are settled down long term and it makes me sad my life's such a fuck up. My friend mentioned something to me the other night that maybe I fell as hard as I did because I knew in some way he was unavailable? He had an on/off thing with her at the time so I knew he had feelings for someone else too. Just wish he hadn't hmmed and haaed for weeks where I didn't know where I stood and got my hopes up for a fairytale ending.

Still it's time for me to get my shit together. Bounced on the babes thread as I fear I'm beginning to push the self destruct button again. Going to spend today gutting my house with some rock music on.

Go for it LittleGidding! I'm going swimming with the kids. I'm going to pound those lengths.

Thanks getting and enjoy your swim!

We'll report back later Gidding!