Cheating husband? Help with WhatsApp please!

[betrayedorcrazy]

I recently downloaded WhatsApp to my phone to talk to a particular friend who is not on Facebook. I knew my husband had it so wasn't surprised when he popped up in my contacts. I mentioned it to him and he said he hadn't used it since messaging a friend a few months ago.
I saw the last seen thing when I sent my friend a message and, being nosy, clicked on my husbands. I was out at the time and it said last seen about 10 mins after I went out. This was about a week ago and he seems to go on it once a day when I'm not about. He has an iPhone and leaves all his apps open but always swipes this one away. He has 3 old chats on WhatsApp but when I looked in the data and storage bit there were 3 more numbers - 2 saying 2 messages and one saying 1 photo, he has deleted them since I told him I have the app.
I then looked in network usage, and the status media bytes received is showing MB rather than KB as everything else does. That's a lot right?
I googled WhatsApp status and see that you can post a status that lasts 24 hours. Now I'm wondering if that's why he only goes on it once a day, to look for a status update from someone. There were none in there this morning when I looked, but if I do find one and open it will he know?
He seems perfectly normal and I have no reason to suspect anything is wrong apart from him lying about not going on this app. I have no idea what I'm doing with WhatsApp so would appreciate any info people can offer.

Sorry for such a long post.

I don't know if this would "confirm" matters for me.

HOWEVER, I would where possible just keep tabs on any funny phone behaviours and (and this is just me) would do a nightly check on his phone.

I'm sorry you're feeling so worried, this can't just have appeared out the blue.

Sorry if this has already been said but google WhatsApp desktop. You only need his phone for a matter of seconds to set whatsapp up on you screen (laptop etc) and all his messages will come up.

faq.whatsapp.com/en/web/26000012/

You said he has set up a family group. I have to say, I use WA a lot, am on a lot of different groups, and this is probably what I use it for the most. It is becoming very popular for this function, as I am on groups for the dc sports teams, family groups, general chat groups, (admittedly it is getting a bit ridiculous as I am on 22, I just counted them .) But if he were checking groups, it really doesn't explain the secrecy around it.....

Unless... do you have a birthday coming up, or something that he might be chatting to the dc about, without him wanting you to know?

Wouldn't it be easier to ask him?

I mean I'm guessing that the husband knows that OP is taking his phone and checking up on him because his phone isn't where he left it, mind you if he's having an affair and leaving 'last seen' on he doesn't sound particulary bright anyway.

All of this suspicion and checking up on him, going through phone bills etc on the basis of 'last seen' etc seems pretty heavy, why are you with him OP?

It’s not on the basis of ‘last seen’ but the fact he said he hasn’t used WhatsApp for months when he clearly goes on it every day. He told a lie. Plus removing message previews and changing his phone passcode.

You can trust someone 100% right up to the point at which something triggers your senses (I did) but if you get that horrible feeling there’s something going on you’re entitled to investigate. Maybe some people would rather bury their heads in the sand and not know what their husband might be getting up to?

Don’t ask him OP! If he is up to no good he will then hide it even more, never leave his phone, etc and you’ll never have proof.

Like I said yesterday and as other posters have said, removing message previews isn't a big deal, I do it for privacy reasons as does practically everyone I know.

Changing the passcode isn't a big deal as obviously the OP is still sneaky enough to be accessing his phone.

I kind of agree with Onion in that all that's left to trigger the OP is last seen online and the fact that he may have messaged a school mum, which is slightly suspect but is it enough to trigger all this cloak and dagger stuff?

I’ve got previews on my phone. My husband found it odd but I just said it’s because I don’t want the kids reading my messages. I’m not having an affair. I’m too knackered 😂 but it does all sound a little bit unusually so probably worth checking into.

The WhatsApp desktop disappears the instant you close WhatsApp on the phone - at least that is what happens when I use it ...

Those things in themselves don’t prove he’s having an affair and switching off preview, etc could be for innocent reasons but unfortunately WhatsApp does seem to be a favoured tool for cheaters so it warrants a bit of digging.

All I had to go on was him receiving messages from someone I’d never heard of and it could’ve been work related or something, but it was the volume and timing of the messages that made me suspicious. We were going through a bad patch so I guess those two facts combined made me investigate further and discover that he was indeed having an affair. I hope in this case it is all innocent.

Starlightsparkle. That is exactly it. It's because he is lying about going on there that I find odd. And he never swiped his other apps away. Plus the changing passcode and removing text preview.
I looked in his advanced history last night when he fell asleep watching football and that says he has been on Facebook but he deleted his account months ago.
If this was a friend I would tell them to get a grip but unfortunately I have such a gut feeling something is wrong that I can't ignore it.
I don't think he has time for an affair as we live and work together so I don't even know what I'm suspicious of. I don't think WhatsApp is a major concern as in he just checks it once a day, but why lie about it and hide it??
I'm out all day on Thursday so will watch find my iPhone. If nothing happens then I may have to accept I'm mad!

All of this suspicion and checking up on him, going through phone bills etc on the basis of 'last seen' etc seems pretty heavy, why are you with him OP?

Sounds like a horrible way to live for both parties.

I've been there OP.
That feeling in your gut, you just KNOW something is up.
When it happened to me I was totally right.
Both times!!!
Keep snooping (yes I'm serious) and keep an eye on things.
I understand the need for 'proof'.
It's hard to just end everything on a gut feeling.

Thanks hells bells. I'm not going to go mad digging for stuff that may not be there, but I'm certainly going to be more observant and not so blindly trusting.
To those asking why I am with him. I have never had reason not to want to be before. We have been together 20 odd years, 2 teenage kids, a nice house, a business. He's a great dad and my best friend. I was really happy, we have just booked a holiday for August and we talk about the future all the time. But then I guess the most perfect men aren't always that perfect. I'm so confused.

then I may have to accept I'm mad

No, Betrayed. Don't for a minute think this. I believed that I was truly losing the plot, I was even told I was....

I wasn't.

Gut feelings are very powerful. I didn't think so before, but I don't ignore it anymore.

I am not implying he is having an affair. But things seem suspicious yes, something is going on.............

You say he doesn't have time for an affair but you're out all day on Thursday... not suggesting he's planning something for Thursday but I guess you go out without him on other days too?

Can you clarify your comment about Facebook, he says he deleted his account but his phone shows otherwise? Did the "deleting" coincide with the other changes i.e passcode and message preview?

Thisismylife. Thanks, I think I need people to say this to me. I look at my pathetic 'evidence' and wonder why I am thinking this way. But I can't help it

Tempus. Unless I go to Tesco or swimming when the kids are home I am never usually away from him. And not for any length of time. He does go out on appointments for work so I guess there may be the odd fabricated one. But he sits for hours the next day doing the paperwork from the appointment.
I didn't know until recently he had deleted his fb account. He never posted anything so I didn't notice he wasn't there. We were out with friends and my friend said she couldn't tag him, he said oh I deleted the account as I never use it.
But there is fb.com in the advanced history.

What is this advanced history that you are referring to?

And does it say when he accessed it?

Could he check it once a day for any Work messages? Maybe someone who contacts him via that and not text, so he just has a quick check.

Message him on it now you’ve got it, I find it easier to share photos so you could send a photo or something, then see if he reads it and when. If he asks say text wasn’t sending or it’s just easier to send photos via this.

Then at least you’ll get a idea if he’s just checking at set times or if he’s getting notifications somehow and checks if he’s got a message. Plus you can then say, wasn’t sure you’d get it as you don’t use it! See what he says.

I am another one saying don't ignore your gut instinct. When you've been with someone for so long you do develop an intuitive sense for when something is wrong. Two of the earliest indicators for me were so ridiculously small I felt I was going mad for even considering them suspicious - the first was that my ex suddenly started cleaning the interior of his car ( after being completely unconcerned about the state of his cars for the previous 20+ years) and the second was that I spotted him checking the current value of our house on line. He could, of course, provide totally plausible explanations for both activities but I knew him so well and felt very uneasy because they were completely out of character. I wanted to believe everything was fine and didn't dig any further at that point but would have saved myself (and my DS) so much heartbreak and mental turmoil if I had done so. We finally split up about 2 years later after I discovered porn addiction and an ongoing affair. He was having sex with her in the car (they were work colleagues and only met up in the day) and I found an e-mail to her boasting about the value of the house and how much he could bring to their relationship financially.

I bet he's just blocked you and your friends on fb, and hasn't deleted the account at all. If you want to pm me his name I'll have a look see if someone unconnected can see it?

Emboo if it was work messages why would he always wait till OP is out, close everything down afterwards, and specifically volunteer the info that he hasn't been on WhattsApp for months?

OP I agree none of his actions in themselves are too damning but cumulatively they indicate that something is being deliberately hidden from you. Do you both work for the same business?

He might just be flirting online. Not meeting or planning to leave you.