Cheating husband? Help with WhatsApp please!

[betrayedorcrazy]

I recently downloaded WhatsApp to my phone to talk to a particular friend who is not on Facebook. I knew my husband had it so wasn't surprised when he popped up in my contacts. I mentioned it to him and he said he hadn't used it since messaging a friend a few months ago.
I saw the last seen thing when I sent my friend a message and, being nosy, clicked on my husbands. I was out at the time and it said last seen about 10 mins after I went out. This was about a week ago and he seems to go on it once a day when I'm not about. He has an iPhone and leaves all his apps open but always swipes this one away. He has 3 old chats on WhatsApp but when I looked in the data and storage bit there were 3 more numbers - 2 saying 2 messages and one saying 1 photo, he has deleted them since I told him I have the app.
I then looked in network usage, and the status media bytes received is showing MB rather than KB as everything else does. That's a lot right?
I googled WhatsApp status and see that you can post a status that lasts 24 hours. Now I'm wondering if that's why he only goes on it once a day, to look for a status update from someone. There were none in there this morning when I looked, but if I do find one and open it will he know?
He seems perfectly normal and I have no reason to suspect anything is wrong apart from him lying about not going on this app. I have no idea what I'm doing with WhatsApp so would appreciate any info people can offer.

Sorry for such a long post.

He might just be flirting online. Not meeting or planning to leave you.

That’s ok then

I'm not sure you are going to find the evidence you are looking for.

I think you need to examine why you are so suspicious and distrusting, because people do not feel this way in a healthy marriage.

You can't actually delete a Facebook account. You can deactivate it. But all you have to do is log back in any time you want to use it, and then deactivate it again. It just means you're not showing an online presence.

Also, just because he's deactivated his current account - doesn't mean he doesn't have another one that you don't know about.
The advanced search history should give you more info that just fb.com. Like pages he was looking at.

newcarsmell you can delete a facebook account i have done it

This is absolutely ridiculous. You are massively invading his privacy and the amount of people with trust issues and insecurities that are condoning it on this thread is very disconcerting.

It doesn’t matter if you’re suspicious or not, or even if it turned out he was cheating, you have no right to check his phone, history, WhatsApp, anything.

Nobody has the right to spy on anyone. You should be ashamed of yourself.

@BubbaLips how do you do it? Mine only gives the option to deactivate.

I don’t know Tempus just thinking of reasons why. If he’s only looking to check there no messages he might not think of himself as ‘using it’. If it was an affair or something I’d expect him to be on it more than just once a day though.

I couldn’t stand wondering and would just ask him why you’ve seen him being on WhatsApp. I know he might lie, but he also might have a reason. And if he completely lies and says he’s not been on it, then you know he’s lying.

He's definitely deleted it. I went on his laptop and it popped up with login details but said no account associated with this.
I've decided to stop digging about, as if I'm not mad already I soon will be.
He doesn't have much time away from me and I know where he is meant to be, so I'll just check he is.

This is absolutely ridiculous. You are massively invading his privacy and the amount of people with trust issues and insecurities that are condoning it on this thread is very disconcerting

Clearly you have not been down this path then!???
Believe me and may others when we say, sometimes it's necessary.
Sorry but it is.
It's very hard to throw away a 15 year relationship without 'proof' of something.
And if they have nothing to hide then it shouldn't be an issue.
I would have had no issue at all if a long term Ex wanted to use my phone or look at something on it.
They had complete access to my phone if they wanted it.
I had nothing to hide.
THEY on the other hand - had plenty.
Sorry, but until you've been in our shoes, you cannot judge!!!!

Deleted it... or changed the linked email address...

This is absolutely ridiculous. You are massively invading his privacy and the amount of people with trust issues and insecurities that are condoning it on this thread is very disconcerting.

It doesn’t matter if you’re suspicious or not, or even if it turned out he was cheating, you have no right to check his phone, history, WhatsApp, anything.

Nobody has the right to spy on anyone. You should be ashamed of yourself.

WTF!
You have no idea.

Good god

So you live and work together, you check when he’s last online on his social media, you check his phone when he’s asleep, you assume that him using WhatsApp = him cheating. You then think that him checking WhatsApp once a day means he’s lying about not using it. You’re trying to spy on him. You check up on his browsing history.

This is not healthy!!! Nor is it legal!!!

There have been SO many threads from women who say they think their partner has bugged the phone and is spying on them. They’ve been advised to go to police etc. This is no different!!!

I said from page 1 I think you’re being incredibly paranoid and insecure. I feel sorry for him if I’m honest. If you really don’t trust him then end the relationship. If this is your behaviour then there’s something wrong anyway, regardless of whether he’s cheating or not.

But if my partner thought I was cheating simply because I used WhatsApp I’d be telling them to get help.

Agree wholeheartedly with the last two comments!

If he is cheating he could be exposing her to STIs so doesn’t she have a right to know? If someone’s having an affair they’ll be accustomed to lying so it’s not like you can just ask them to find out the truth!

Keep your wits about you OP and look out for any other suspicious behaviour. If it’s nothing then there won’t be but if anything else doesn’t feel right I’d be following it up.

Don't people read!!! The op has said he has advised her he DOESN'T use whatsapp but yet he goes on it everyday when she is not around ?

He has advised he has deleted Facebook , yet this is now in his browser history.

He has a female parents phone number for no reason really since the children haven't spoken in over seven years .

He has recently deleted chats from (I think the female contact) as the media disappeared and when the op checked the storage , in whatsapp , the ordering of the contacts changed to reflect this ...

He has changed his passcode on the phone and prevented previews , granted all these things on there own seem like nothing but together it paints quite the suspicious picture . Don't listen to the other posters telling you that your over the top OP. Trust your instincts xxx

I agree with Whattodo.

Your marriage is all but done, OP. Sorry to say it but it is. You don't trust him. If he's cheating on you then you'd never trust him again anyway - and if he's not and he finds out the level of snooping you're doing, then he might end it himself. He won't trust you again. I wouldn't anyway. So what would be left?

Have you even had a conversation about it with him?

Gertie, Why would you say that? Not everybody behaves this way or would do this kind of thing. Just because people have a different view to yours doesn't mean that they have no idea.

good idea to add the school mum's number to your phone. Then see if their last seen times are matching.

If they don't match at all you'll be relieved.

The FB thing wouldn’t worry me, advanced settings show all history in order of how often the person visits that website. The data only gets wiped if you do it through the settings, it doesn’t get wiped if you delete history so it’s probable that it was showing FB as he used to access it from his phone when he did have it.

Offside is quite correct. With regards to trust though, trust is amazing, we all want it but unfortunately it'stotal trust what put many women and some guys too on mumsnet into bad/vulnerable positions.

I say it Lying because I doubt whattodo has ever been in this situation.
Many posters feel it’s ok to judge others.

Fair enough Gertie but I actually agreed with that post and I have been through this situation. I think it's really difficult to post about what you personally do about anything without it sounding like a judgement sometimes.

I feel terribly sorry for the OP because there's no good outcome from this, not unless freedom for herself is the goal.

@chippyway. Well said. If a man did this to his wife who wasn't having an affair the respondents here would be disgusted and push for her to force him out and change the locks. Now it's a woman reporting in it would appear the man has no rights to privacy or to lead a normal healthy life away from his spouse. It's amazing.

There are massive trust issues here. Either there are more things triggering this or the OP is deeply deeply insecure and is going to destroy her marriage.

Self reflection is in order, and not necessarily limited to the OP

You can delete facebook, after two weeks no use and request for permanent deletion.

Also, Facebook in his search history might just mean he’s visited a Facebook profile or group that came up as a result of a google hit.

Good luck OP. It’s a real rabbit hole this stuff. I hope you find something to put your mind at ease and break the cycle.

betrayedorcrazy

I have been in exactly your situation. A strange feeling and checking of whatsapp when I left the room. I too thought I must be going mad. I had never, ever checked up on him or felt the need to.