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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Cheating husband? Help with WhatsApp please!

445 replies

betrayedorcrazy · 18/02/2018 10:41

I recently downloaded WhatsApp to my phone to talk to a particular friend who is not on Facebook. I knew my husband had it so wasn't surprised when he popped up in my contacts. I mentioned it to him and he said he hadn't used it since messaging a friend a few months ago.
I saw the last seen thing when I sent my friend a message and, being nosy, clicked on my husbands. I was out at the time and it said last seen about 10 mins after I went out. This was about a week ago and he seems to go on it once a day when I'm not about. He has an iPhone and leaves all his apps open but always swipes this one away. He has 3 old chats on WhatsApp but when I looked in the data and storage bit there were 3 more numbers - 2 saying 2 messages and one saying 1 photo, he has deleted them since I told him I have the app.
I then looked in network usage, and the status media bytes received is showing MB rather than KB as everything else does. That's a lot right?
I googled WhatsApp status and see that you can post a status that lasts 24 hours. Now I'm wondering if that's why he only goes on it once a day, to look for a status update from someone. There were none in there this morning when I looked, but if I do find one and open it will he know?
He seems perfectly normal and I have no reason to suspect anything is wrong apart from him lying about not going on this app. I have no idea what I'm doing with WhatsApp so would appreciate any info people can offer.

Sorry for such a long post.

OP posts:
ThatsWotSheSaid · 22/02/2018 22:23

You know he is admitting to the bare minimum to stop you going round there. What’s he so afraid that she’ll tell you? This is the tip of the iceberg.

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 22/02/2018 22:25

@betrayedorcrazy type into google divorce solicitor free consultation and loads will pop up in your area.

Again all credit to you for trusting your instinct and following through , many don't and choose to bury their heads in the sand to then be left in a few years time (and their partner has had the time to plan a perfect and financially aggressive exit plan ). You have done the right thing , it may feel like shit right now but you are better off without this man, no one deserves this xxx

Backtoblack1 · 22/02/2018 22:42

Do WhatsApp web and you’ll be able to see all his conversations on ur laptop or iPad

2018SoFarSoGreat · 22/02/2018 23:14

So sorry this is happening to you Betrayed but kudos to you for listening to your gut, hard as that was. You are so strong. You'll be okay; in time. For now Flowers and hope you are surrounded by those who really do love you in real life.

NoKnownFather · 22/02/2018 23:24

Good on you for listening to your gut feeling and following through. While the result was not what you wanted, it's better to know the truth and exactly where you stand in the marriage, than being taken for a fool. Gotta love those satellites!!

Again, sorry it's happened and truly feel for you. Flowers

Osirus · 23/02/2018 00:35

Yes, the free 30 minute interview does exist in some firms (does in mine). We do free telephone interviews too. Good luck - whatever you decide.

DavidBowiesNumber1 · 23/02/2018 04:39

he was glad I'd found out as it's been torturing him

Obviously not enough to have stopped himself from any more afternoon delights though.

He "only" contacted the prostitute/s, didn't pay for sex? He would say that! Why is he getting cashback and hiding it then? Does he have to pay for the "coffee" at OW's house? I am so Angry on your behalf OP, he is continueing to take you for an idiot but we know you are far from being that!
Let him tell your DC himself. Let him look them in the eyes and explain what a deceitful, shitty 'D'F he is! AngryAngry

Timefortea99 · 23/02/2018 05:05

I am sorry you are going through this. When I started reading this I thought you were being odd, but it shows that instinct is given to you for a reason. Take care, stay strong. What a wally he is.

isthismylifenow · 23/02/2018 06:01

but he was scared she would tell me if he stopped seeing her

What the hell! I am so very sorry Betrayed.

Agree with Hellsbells...

Take one hour at a time, you will get through this. Flowers

Noonelikesfruitcake · 23/02/2018 06:21

OP I'm so sorry. What a fucking scum sucking toad he is.
Lots of good advice on here, sending you lots of strength xxxxxxxxxx

YvonneGoolagongsDugongDoug · 23/02/2018 06:43

Hooray for gut feelings and snooping! He is exposing you to all sorts of issues and treating you like shit behind your back. We shouldn't have to go to such methods to get basic decent treatment but we do. We have that spidey sense for a reason! Good luck OP. Been there, done that, got the beanie hat.

DarthNigel · 23/02/2018 06:51

Hope you managed to get a bit of sleep op. You must take care of yourself now.Remember to eat and drink little and often if that's all you can manage.... you will be in shock still remember-so no big decisions yet-make your solicitors appointment for next week then you have a few days to get yourself together slightly if you can, get hold of paperwork etc...
One thing I would say is going forwards fDon't feel the need to protect him... if you have mutual friends and they ask be factual but truthful. Often the guilty party tells whoppers about the injured one to get people on side-and it hurts like hell to lose friends to that on top of everything else-this isn't on you it's on him.
Thinking of you op

BitOutOfPractice · 23/02/2018 07:35

How grim. Of course he's lying about the prostitutes.

YearOfYouRemember · 23/02/2018 07:53

Where are all the posters now who said you were mad and over reacting?

C0untDucku1a · 23/02/2018 07:55

I expect theyre doubting their own husbands stories anout walking a fat dog cor hours every night

CisMyArse · 23/02/2018 08:21

I'm very sorry OP. I'm not sure if it's been suggested, but please get an STi check to be safe. I'm sorry that you have to read this Thanks

drainsup · 23/02/2018 08:31

Hate seeing these unfurl. I always hope that there is an innocent explanation. Thinking of you OP xx

GertieMotherwell · 23/02/2018 08:43

It’s awful.
Also, a wake up call to all those saying their DHs don’t have time for an affair. They just go to work, come home and walk the dog

branstonbaby · 23/02/2018 09:41

I am so sorry. What a twat

MazDazzle · 23/02/2018 09:46

I’ve been following the thread and just wanted to say how brave you are OP. You stumbled across something suspicious and could have buried your head in the sand, but you chose to dig deeper to find the truth. You also chose not to keep your husband’s dirty secret and confided in your friends. You stood up for yourself and your children because you deserve better.

Men seem to be able to compartmentalise their life so that in their minds they can be a perfect husband and father, whilst at the same time being unfaithful.

Thinking of you today. Flowers

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 23/02/2018 09:49

Oh crap. Well, gotta hand it to you, you trusted your instincts and you were right. Just so sorry it has such a shitty ending.

You are better off without that lousy little weasel. You will be fine in time although it's all shit right now. Sending you a (((hug))).

Offthebandwagonagain · 23/02/2018 11:21

Sorry op what a bastard 😔

letsdolunch321 · 23/02/2018 11:22

Hugs to you & your dc’s

If possible get his door keys off him.

You sound like a savvy woman who knows what you need to do next.

Take care

starryskies78 · 23/02/2018 12:17

Op, I'm so sorry to see that this has turned out this way. It says a lot for instinct doesn't it. Really feel for you and sending you and the kids lots of strength.

bebealpha · 23/02/2018 13:36

Fucker. Sorry you are going through this.

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