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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Cheating husband? Help with WhatsApp please!

445 replies

betrayedorcrazy · 18/02/2018 10:41

I recently downloaded WhatsApp to my phone to talk to a particular friend who is not on Facebook. I knew my husband had it so wasn't surprised when he popped up in my contacts. I mentioned it to him and he said he hadn't used it since messaging a friend a few months ago.
I saw the last seen thing when I sent my friend a message and, being nosy, clicked on my husbands. I was out at the time and it said last seen about 10 mins after I went out. This was about a week ago and he seems to go on it once a day when I'm not about. He has an iPhone and leaves all his apps open but always swipes this one away. He has 3 old chats on WhatsApp but when I looked in the data and storage bit there were 3 more numbers - 2 saying 2 messages and one saying 1 photo, he has deleted them since I told him I have the app.
I then looked in network usage, and the status media bytes received is showing MB rather than KB as everything else does. That's a lot right?
I googled WhatsApp status and see that you can post a status that lasts 24 hours. Now I'm wondering if that's why he only goes on it once a day, to look for a status update from someone. There were none in there this morning when I looked, but if I do find one and open it will he know?
He seems perfectly normal and I have no reason to suspect anything is wrong apart from him lying about not going on this app. I have no idea what I'm doing with WhatsApp so would appreciate any info people can offer.

Sorry for such a long post.

OP posts:
lovescarbs · 22/02/2018 16:30

Flowers Op- so brave!

BewareOfDragons · 22/02/2018 16:33

Can you search his car for the cash you suspect he's been taking out and stashing?

BitOutOfPractice · 22/02/2018 17:04

Satorye I have reported your 15:47 post because it's a. not helpful b. really quite disturbingly violent

Satorye · 22/02/2018 17:18

Some of you live in Lala land. Ffs he most likely"bought services"from a prostitute-he sexually abused a woman and you're being daises about kicking him in the butt out of the house. Even if he was just thinking about it I think some of you are being ridiculous. Some double standards here

SlowDown76mph · 22/02/2018 17:22

What a ill-judged post Satorye. OP would be no use to herself or family with that sort of action, she'd be on criminal charges and risk losing her children. She has to play clever, not stupid.

Newerversion · 22/02/2018 17:33

Op, I hope you are ok, I have been right we're you think you might be and know how devastating it is. Make sure you look after yourself.
It is pointless advising violence against him, what will it achieve? Playing smart is far more useful. Yes, the man is an idiot of epic proportions but there are better ways to deal with your hurt and betrayal than to lower yourself to any level below dignified.

Newerversion · 22/02/2018 17:35

Sorry should say where, not we're

Teabay · 22/02/2018 17:47

Hope all went well today, OP x

Satorye · 22/02/2018 17:47

I don't know her exact situation but I know how this type of betrayal feels and I encompassed with her. And I don't think a man who had an affair and paid prostitute is in a position to say ANYTHING.

Newerversion · 22/02/2018 17:53

No they aren't but lowering yourself isn't worth it.

Satorye · 22/02/2018 17:56

I don't see that as"lowering yourself"at all. Lowering yourself is when you eat shit whole time and then let him politely walk away, because you know, "you're better than that".

Newerversion · 22/02/2018 17:59

Really? I see dignified as the very best thing to be. Why let the actions of an immoral man lower you to violence? (Which is also morally wrong)

Satorye · 22/02/2018 18:05

That logic of"no violence in any case"doesn't hold water in real life. This is a form of self defence in my opinion-in saving your dignity. I'm not talking about planning to murder him(even tho in cases of wives and people who killed pedophiles that assaulted children I see nothing morally wrong)I was talking about showing him where his place is. I have 0 tolerance for degrading women in such way and I don't think women should be so polite to ass holes like we're hearing about here. They think they're entitled to this bs and I would never be able to let him walk away without experiencing at least some of the pain he caused or imagined causing to those women.

Newerversion · 22/02/2018 18:11

There are far better ways to inflict the 'pain' you talk about. I am damn sure the pain my stbx is going through now is worse than if I had hit him in the head.

DavidBowiesNumber1 · 22/02/2018 18:13

Maybe you should start your own thread Satorye and leave OP to hers? Advocating violence is not right.

yetmorecrap · 22/02/2018 18:14

er whilst i hate prostitution, there are plenty of women also involved in these industries who do this out of 'choice' . Its all very well when some women say they do it as a 'necessity' but lets be honest, there are other jobs/careers out there. What is often meant is they like the good money for less than full time (and flexible) hours. Yes, there is some trafficking, we all know thatbut by no means all hookers are trafficked. . I doubt the women involved in this trade who post on here are trafficked or count it as rape , so comments about rape and abuse etc are not really fully representative. Pretty often it is just a business transaction, man pays, woman provides paid service, fully consensual-- horrible as it is to me and most women, that is just a fact.

Lndnmummy · 22/02/2018 18:20

Satorye this thread isn’t about you. Start your own thread if you need to.

Satorye · 22/02/2018 18:39

Yeah of course comments like"prostitution is a job"will REALLY help her!
I mentioned that not to self-promote but to give an advice to explore this now. Anyone who can ignore this huge issue after being personally confronted with it will do no good to themselves.
This can heal her after she gets through initial shock.
This is again just an insight, how the hell can I tell her what to do?
So yeah whatever I'll leave this post alone for the sake of not crowding it with people saying I should get my own thread.
Good luck OP trust your anger and don't try to put it down(no I'm not advising here to hit but to express anger in whichever way she finds it right-TOWARD HIM), if you want PM me.

Newerversion · 22/02/2018 18:43

Nobody has advised her not to express anger, just not to resort to violence.

Original poster
betrayedorcrazy · 22/02/2018 18:59

Well he's gone.
I was barking up the wrong tree today. Although it looks like the devious fucker has many trees. He said he's contacted a few hookers but couldn't go through with it. Utter bollocks.
And the WhatsApp messages? A woman he got chatting to when he walks the dog. A single mum, beautician who works from home. Except they soon got past small talk and regularly enjoy an afternoon shag instead.
I really did not see that one coming. I thought the dog looked a bit fucking fat. Cunt (excuse me)

OP posts:
HarryElephante · 22/02/2018 19:01

Least it wasn't a prostitute.

babycham75 · 22/02/2018 19:01

Christ. I'm so sorry.

Arapaima · 22/02/2018 19:02

Oh OP Sad

Nubbled · 22/02/2018 19:02

Thats awful, I'm so sorry.

Newerversion · 22/02/2018 19:03

Oh god, I am so sorry to read this op. Have you got someone with you now? Christ, what a git.

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