Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Cheating husband? Help with WhatsApp please!

445 replies

betrayedorcrazy · 18/02/2018 10:41

I recently downloaded WhatsApp to my phone to talk to a particular friend who is not on Facebook. I knew my husband had it so wasn't surprised when he popped up in my contacts. I mentioned it to him and he said he hadn't used it since messaging a friend a few months ago.
I saw the last seen thing when I sent my friend a message and, being nosy, clicked on my husbands. I was out at the time and it said last seen about 10 mins after I went out. This was about a week ago and he seems to go on it once a day when I'm not about. He has an iPhone and leaves all his apps open but always swipes this one away. He has 3 old chats on WhatsApp but when I looked in the data and storage bit there were 3 more numbers - 2 saying 2 messages and one saying 1 photo, he has deleted them since I told him I have the app.
I then looked in network usage, and the status media bytes received is showing MB rather than KB as everything else does. That's a lot right?
I googled WhatsApp status and see that you can post a status that lasts 24 hours. Now I'm wondering if that's why he only goes on it once a day, to look for a status update from someone. There were none in there this morning when I looked, but if I do find one and open it will he know?
He seems perfectly normal and I have no reason to suspect anything is wrong apart from him lying about not going on this app. I have no idea what I'm doing with WhatsApp so would appreciate any info people can offer.

Sorry for such a long post.

OP posts:
StephiD3 · 22/02/2018 20:15

I came back to hope you were wrong.

Utter twat.

And those posters saying for people not to snoop should hang your head in shame for trying to embarrass OP. She was right to trust her gut.

Hope you’re ok OP - sending positive thoughts to you (and also sending thoughts for his to fall off) xx

hellsbellsmelons · 22/02/2018 20:25

Ahhhhh shit.
I'm so sorry OP.
And to all you out there who say don't snoop.
This is why we do.
We just fucking know.
So sod off with your righteous crap.

Please try to look after yourself.
You will be in shock right now.
Keep hydrated.
I do wanna give you a big ((((HUG))))
He's a cunt.
Well done on doing something about it.
Now get some RL support around you.
Cry. Rant. Get angry.
Tomorrow is another and you worry about that then.
I'm soooo angry for you.

newcarsmell · 22/02/2018 20:37

Oh what a bastard. So glad you've found out and act now. Thanks

TheLegendOfBeans · 22/02/2018 20:37

I'm speechless. Honestly expected to see an update saying you'd got it all wrong.

Fuck. Yet ANOTHER person busting a shit cheating partner on almost gut alone. Fuck.

Gide · 22/02/2018 20:43

Omg, you poor girl :( To go from a sneaky suspicion to that is horrific. I’m so sorry. Please take care of yourself and take all the support for you and the dc that you can.

Mrstobe90 · 22/02/2018 20:56

I'm so sorry OP! What a prick!! Hope karma gets him xx

StarlightSparkle · 22/02/2018 20:58

Well said hellsbells

Armygirl · 22/02/2018 20:58

Op I’m so sorry to hear what’s happened! I came back to see if there was an update, hoping it was a misunderstanding.
You sound like such a strong, amazing woman. What an utter bastard he is!
Take care of yourself.

CrockedPot · 22/02/2018 21:10

What a cunt. You’ll get through this though. You are better off without him and he’s shown you who he is. It’ll be a tough few months, put one foot in front of the other and keep going.

Newerversion · 22/02/2018 21:10

Great advice from hellsbells, hope you are ok.

YearOfYouRemember · 22/02/2018 21:13

OP, I am so sorry. You'll be okay. You sound like you're made of steel. Take care.

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 22/02/2018 21:18

OP I know that finances are the last thing on your mind right now but I'd seriously take any money you can out of any joint bank accounts and any other bank accounts he has access too. His behaviour sounds reckless and your next steps determine the quality of life for you and your Children . Protect yourself financially. Find a solicitor, a fucking mercenary is what you want , get on the phone to them tomorrow.
Get all the copies of your accounts , mortgage/ deeds , birth certificates together.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you , what a poor excuse of a man. You are better off without someone who is so weak. Xxx

Queenofthedrivensnow · 22/02/2018 21:18

Blimey - well at least you found out the whole lot. No more knot in your stomach. I'm very sorry op x

Hotdoggity · 22/02/2018 21:22

Oh my god. I’m so sorry OP.

CharlieBoo · 22/02/2018 21:26

God.. what an absolute arsehole! So so sorry x

Pogmella · 22/02/2018 21:26

raised fist of solidarity Discovered the affair 6 months ago- today I'm 2 stone lighter and off on hols with my best friend next week. You will come through this x

OliviaBenson · 22/02/2018 21:34

I'm sorry op. I hope your friend is with you tonight. What a bastard.

C0untDucku1a · 22/02/2018 21:39

Sorry to hear that op. Take from this that you have good instincts and trust them.

Hotdoggity · 22/02/2018 21:47

The audacity - to do that when you work from home together? Sneaky prick.

Original poster
betrayedorcrazy · 22/02/2018 21:48

Thank you everyone. It means so much. My friend came round tonight and has just left. I've told the girls he's on a work course, I couldn't face it tonight. I will make an appointment for some tests (I can't actually believe I have to do this) and to see a solicitor ( are the free half hour consultations a real thing). There's no way back from this even though I hate what is happening.
I was watching the find my iPhone waiting for him to go out in the car. He set off on his normal dog walk route, he got halfway to the field he supposedly takes the dog to, and then stopped. I checked a couple more times and he was still in the same place. When I went on the satellite view it was pinpointing the house. And then was on the way back.
I came home and he was totally normal. I have been surprisingly Controlled so far but went mental at him. I told him I knew all about his secret life. He just looked at me until I said I've seen the hookers number on the bill. He said he's only called a couple (??) but didn't actually confirm a booking, and I had to believe him as he had had a few drinks and would never have done it. I then asked if he enjoyed his dog walk. He asked what I was on about so I showed him a screen shot of find my iPhone with his dot bang in the middle of her house. He said he sometimes popped in for a coffee. I put my coat on and said maybe his slag would give me the truth. He said he was sorry and he didn't know how it had gone so far, and he was glad I'd found out as it's been torturing him but he was scared she would tell me if he stopped seeing her. Poor fucking love.
I just screamed at him to get out of my sight and he went. He sent a text saying sorry, he knows he's fucked everything up and he will do whatever it takes to put it right.
No chance.

OP posts:
DarthNigel · 22/02/2018 22:02

Christ op this is awful-I'm so sorry. Have you anyone that could come and be with you?

MotherofTerriers · 22/02/2018 22:05

I know that the practicalities are probably the last thing you want to think about now - but in my experience you are likely to have a "window of opportunity" when he is genuinely remorseful and sorry he has hurt you. That's the time to get a hard nosed solicitor into action and get the best deal you can for you and your DC. It won't last - nobody wants to feel badly about themselves in the long term and he will start to justify what happened in his own head.

I was in a very similar situation just over 2 years ago. He was so sorry when I found out. By now - it was all my fault.

Pogmella · 22/02/2018 22:11

Yes- agree the terms of the split now, especially before he shacks up with her and she starts bending his ear about getting cash out of the house (which is what my ExH' s OW is doing but it's all too late)

C0untDucku1a · 22/02/2018 22:17

Where is he now?

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 22/02/2018 22:18

@motherofterriers this is such sound advice. X

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.