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Original poster

Just walked out the house

132 replies

Doublemint · 14/02/2018 21:14

All I wanted for fucking valentines was a card and a naice meal.

Budget meant that going out wasn't an option. So a few weeks ago DH (who is a very talented and accredited chef) said he would cook us a delicious meal based on my own preference and the meals he has cooked for the high ups/slebs.

Fast forward to last night where he realised he hadn't organise anything and didn't know what to cook (even though I had told him what would be my ideal meal).

Anyway today I told him not to worry, as he he cooks all day for work. I bought us an m&s meal deal and came back from work.

I cooked the kids dinner and put them to bed. We sat down to eat with the kids still awake and crashing around in their room. I lit candles, put a playlist on Spotify and a table cloth on the table. We are. Kids still screaming.

I was getting more and more wound up by the screaming, he thought it was ironic and funny. I didn't.

I booked a day of leave for tomorrow after he TOLD me he had booked it off as our childminder is closed about two or three weeks ago. He then tells me, over the pudding, that he has to work tomorrow and that I should have known it wasn't set in stone he would have tomorrow off.

I asked him why his leave was cancelled. He told me it was never confirmed (he told me it was- that's why I also booked leave so we could have a family day).

He then got really shitty with me.
I asked him what he had planned for childcare if I hadn't booked tomorrow off. He accused me of being "on his case" and "out to make him feel like shit". Oh and that I had ruined the evening.

The whole thing stinks. I think he's lying and trying to make me feel guilty for realising. I'm
Fuming.

I walked out and have gone to the totally dead and lame pub for a pint.
I've left my three kids at home.

Is it just me or has he tricked me into giving up (another!) day of leave? He either never booked it and lied then expected me to be here tomorrow or has just not communicated well to me AT ALL about the status of his leave... he told me he had tomorrow off.

Needless to say V day has fallen a bit flat.

OP posts:
BarryTheKestrel · 14/02/2018 21:18

What a dick. So sorry your night hasn't gone to plan OP. Wine have a drink on me/for me (preggo me is dying for a pint!)

SoTotallyOverThis · 14/02/2018 21:20
Flowers

I have no great advice, just flowers to say I feel your pain and things get better for you

Original poster
Doublemint · 14/02/2018 21:28

Ha is a dick! Still at the pub. Still angry. I don't know how to go home or what the fuck to say to him.

I just feel like I've been tricked into thinking we both had a long weekend together win the kids, and I've put all the effort into Valentine's Day ( the second we've ever spent together on the same continent/hemisphere!) and he's screwed me over and then massively overreacted and turned around onto me!

He even tried to grab the keys out of my hand as I left because he thought I was going to drive! Twat.

OP posts:
Dowser · 14/02/2018 21:34

He’s a top chef and couldn’t knock together a lovely meal for you.
That’s upsetting.
I don’t blame you for leaving. And I would be seriously considering his future with me.

Original poster
Doublemint · 14/02/2018 21:35

I just asked for this to be moved to relationships.

This is the latest of a fair few times he's been horrible.

The reason I walked out tonight was because (in part) my mum (DV survivor) told me that it would be the best thing to do.

He's not aggressive. He's just sulky and defensive. He's a bit of a knob when I rumble his lies. Which are usually over tiny little things like where has my chocolate gone (he's eaten it but lies and lies about it and tries to make me think I ate it.) or that I'm overreacting about stuff.

I'm now the only one in the shit pub. I don't want to go home!!!!!

OP posts:
duckingfisaster · 14/02/2018 21:36

Jools is that you? ;)

Original poster
Doublemint · 14/02/2018 21:37

@Dowser I felt the same.... then I wondered if I was putting too much stock in Valentine's Day. He's not cooked us a romantic meal since one time when we were dating slimier ten years ago.

I don't know. I really love him but I feel like he's changed. Or I've changed. God that's cheesy!

OP posts:
duckingfisaster · 14/02/2018 21:37

Apologies, couldn't resist. Sorry you're having a shit night Flowers

Original poster
Doublemint · 14/02/2018 21:38

@duckingfisaster Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Doublemint · 14/02/2018 21:38

Slimier?!? Meant to be- almost!!!!

OP posts:
BastardGoDarkly · 14/02/2018 21:41

So don't, it's still early, and you've got tomorrow off!
Wine
He's been a giant dick, god knows what you say though, from what you've said, he's never going to admit to his fuck up/stitching you up.

Text him and tell him to go to bed, cos you're really pissed off, and can't face talking to him.

Then think about where this leaves you tomorrow?

Fucking lame of him all round though WineFlowers

Original poster
Doublemint · 14/02/2018 21:46

Argh I would but I think the pub is shutting! I could walk further from home and find another .

I doubt he even cares where I am. No phone calls or messages. He brushed his teeth and said he's going to bed when he was telling me how horrendous I had been. I promise I was only asking him when he knew that his leave request had been denied. And whether this urgent thing that could only possibly be done tomorrow had been confirmed within the last day or so.

I really wasn't even pissed off. He flew off the handle which makes me think he's messed up. Again.

Sweet little lies is playing on absolute
Radio. Hashtag irony.

OP posts:
Grammarist · 14/02/2018 21:49

Huge hugs. He's been a total dick. Mine did similar - even engineered an argument (one-sided as I didn't rise to it) so he could flounce off out.
I'm not impressed either.

BastardGoDarkly · 14/02/2018 21:50

I love absolute radio.

Have you got any wine at home? We'll keep you company.

Why do you think he didn't wouldn't book it? If that's what happened.

Grammarist · 14/02/2018 21:53

I'm having wine. Wine can be our buddy tonight!

Whisky2014 · 14/02/2018 21:54

What a knob he is

Original poster
Doublemint · 14/02/2018 21:58

I have a whole bottle of Sauvignon Blanc at home- pretentiously picked to go with fucking twattting salmon and dinner. I never ever give a shit about wine but I read the back of the bottle in m&s ffs!

We both had half a bottle of prosecco before I left.

Anyway. I think he put in for leave, but in his job if something comes up he has to do it. I understand this. And in his current job he usually has a few weeks notice for a big function. In fact every time he's has a
Big function he's had a few Weeks notice. Because I have to sort childcare for when I'm at uni. BUT what he told me he has to do tomorrow he has let slip previously that a)its not that imperative b) he coworker that he has to
Be with is flexible with his free time c)
He bloody told me he had the day off weeks ago.

Also- I'm a total convert to absolute radio.

OP posts:
MNHQ
DawnMumsnet · 14/02/2018 21:59

Hi, we're moving this thread to our Relationships topic at the OP's request.

Original poster
Doublemint · 14/02/2018 22:05

@DawnMumsnet thank you!

Everyone else- I have spoken to the barman and although I'm literally the only one in the pub he's staying open until 11pm! Huzzah!

Still nothing from DH.

Is he sulking, asleep (I doubt it considering the siren call of the PlayStation) or does he genuinely not care that his DW has walked out into the rainy night with only her phone keys and wallet?

OP posts:
Original poster
Doublemint · 14/02/2018 22:06

Actually to be fair bear grylls would be well jel

OP posts:
BastardGoDarkly · 14/02/2018 22:08

How fit is the hospitable bar tender? Hmm

No matter... BARMAN!! Ciders for the whole thread!!!

Chifi · 14/02/2018 22:12

Get more pints into you. Feckin' men.

Original poster
Doublemint · 14/02/2018 22:47

I have had some ciders. Barman is a tad specky but seems sympathetic to my plight.

DH has rung twice but I was writing a blog post.

Am currently freaking out that need to name
Change for fear of being outed. And am Also feeling a bit drunk

OP posts:
Ruddygreattiger2016 · 14/02/2018 22:49

Fuck me, he is a chef but cannot be arsed to cook one single meal for you??

Well he is a dick and obviously takes you for granted, everything else you mention seems like he is a spoilt entitled brat. Its very likely he simply didnt want a day to spend with his family and would rather work but has come up with some bullshit excuse.

Think seriously if this is how you want your married life to be, opFlowers

Original poster
Doublemint · 14/02/2018 22:57

I do agree @Ruddygreattiger2016 on the surface it does seem like that. But he does
contribute to house stuff. He does most of the washing. He's hard to describe.

He is very hands on with house stuff. He is brilliant with our girls. He's never made me feel scared. He is affectionate and considerate.

But. He lies and he sulks. About very petty things. and he turns it around on me when I (often innocently and accidentally!) catch him out.

It's hard to explain.

I'm mostly dreading going home in a min and having to talk to him.
It's exhausting having to pander to him and admit to stuff that I don't necessarily believe to keep the peace!

I still feel too wound up!

OP posts: