Dating Thread 128: the one without a catchy title

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

Bumble looks really lovely and female-friendly etc, but I had the worst date of my life off there.

I think it lures us into a false sense of security, when really it is no different to Tinder. Use it in the same way!

gettingthere my very first match on Tinder and very first contact with anyone on OLD did exactly the same to me. We had arranged a date but needed to agree a time. I woke up the next morning and I'd been unmatched. I felt awful for a couple of days then got chatting to someone else and forgot all about the first one.

nothing I like your goal! I'm aiming for more than one date in 2018. So far it looks like it might happen as Mr Dog has confirmed we are still meeting tomorrow. Although I think he might be a no thanks to a second date.

i feel the same as others about my date yesterday, in terms of “do i? dont i?”

IRL before we ever spoke i used to see him and think phwoaarr, the things i would do but after our date im not sure. there was sexual chemistry, but something about him was off. he isnt from this country, and said he had just quit his job, which is usually a red flag for me. but if i dont want a relationship, then maybe that shouldnt matter? also im used to seeing him in gym clothes, so maybe seeing him in jeans and a jumper made me fancy him a bit less and ruin the illusion?!

i online stalked him like others do, and i do it to see how honest/truthful a date is! he told me loads of stuff that can easily be confirmed online, so thats good i guess.

Bloody I really understood your comment about going on dates and feeling a connection, a guy gazing into your eyes for hours and seeming smitten but then not following up with more dates/calls. Unless I'm completely misunderstanding their feelings (unlikely) I can only think that they have something preventing them pursuing further - maybe they have money issues/not over their wife/feel they wouldn't be able to hold down a relationship or something.

I still find it frustrating and don't understand though. Why get smitten and date and then quit before the romance has even run its course?

Aw gettingthere Sorry to hear about that, it sucks but I agree with the others, you shouldn't be getting too upset at this early stage. Its happened to me a few times and once after what I thought was a very successful first date. It is what it is. I very much doubt anyone is laughing about it with his mates, people just get cold feet or change their minds. Try not to overinvest.

I'm trying not to get too into Thursdays date, MrGreatHair, (was originally Weds but realised it was V day and didn't fancy sitting amongst all the forced romance and lurrrve). I really bloody like him so far, worktop test is a definite pass, and am trying to be sensible about the whole thing so hopefully I'll take my own advice.
I have a few others, one just seems to like chatting about random stuff as there has been not a hint of flirting or mention of a meet. Still, he seems nice enough and makes me laugh so happy to continue for the time being.

bloody I had the same, lots of coy little looks, comments, which now looking back on were on the verge of love bombing, but v welcome at the time. Its bizarre but I'm chalking it down to their problem, not mine.

I ventured onto PoF and lasted about 15mins before deleting my profile. Hated the influx of messages from randoms and didn't feel comfortable on there at all. I much prefer Tinder. much easier to use and liked the fact I didn't have to come up with a profile and sell myself. I think I've had about 70odd matches in total on Tinder but I whittle these down every now and then before swiping again. Probably spoken to about 12 people and the rest are just silent faces at the top of the screen but they are possibles I suppose.

Thanks runs, it literally was exactly that, organised place, he said 'cool, next morning all gone!!What a t**t!

Thanks sweet. You sound like you have bounced back well from your initial bad experience and gone on to better ones. Hope all goes well. Gives us all hope!!

After a large latte, and TWO (she shouts) cakes from costa...I am now seeing the funny side of it!!

Have to say, learn so much from this thread:

1. Over investing
2. Fantasising/dreaming (make up my own little story of what they will be like.... NEVER comes true.
3. People lie about their age....how old are those photos?!!
4. Night time messages (eww!!)
5. People lie!
6. People lie!

Anyhoo...back onto POF...might brave Tinder. Does anyone find this particularly bad for flakes??

I want to try Tinder but I’m a bit scared. Is it ok? I thought it was more for casual hookups?

Thanks Cover for the advice earlier. Sent MrThesp a polite closing message about an hour ago. Suspect I will hear nothing back. People are odd sometimes. I need a thick skin. It's all a journey and going through this process helps me to work out what will work for me.

Welcome new daters.

I'm no expert but nowadays I don't see Tinder as being particularly focussed on hook ups. I met a couple of people from Tinder a few years ago and they were really no different to the guys I met on GSM at the time.

I prefer Tinder, I haven’t met many people on there but the ones I have seemed to be looking for relationships or friends rather than hook ups. I just find it hard to find people near me but it has got busier on their lately.

I was on pof and just sick of all the crap. I hesitated but eventually gave into tinder last week as I thought it was more about looks than then person. Yes there are guys in it looking for hook ups but there are some nice guys there too. I had my first date from it last night and it went really well. 2nd date planned.

I'm glad you said that love (she bows in the presence of OLD royalty!!) I was like you save i thought it was but it seems quite a popular website now generally. I get the feeling (in my very very newbie experience) that they all have a mix these days of relationships/hook ups.

Onwards and upwards all!!!!

So my date from last night has messaged today pretty keen to see me again so date 2 is agreed and we’re going to dinner Friday
I always think if it’s not a definate no and you got on well, conversation was easy etc then it’s definitely worth seeing them again.

Hello! I’m a former resident of the dating threads circa 99/102 (different username back then). A failed dater, two years later I’m bored of looking at the same old faces and only getting “Hi” messages from gormless-faced weirdos either too young or too old.

Anyway, just popped on for a rant. Reported a profile to PoF for using pictures of the singer of an American band and they have left the profile up. Surely someone pretending to be someone else is highly likely to be a danger to women?

From my limited experience the ones on Tinder who are just after hookups are v blatant about it, just groin/body pics and no profile info. Or they'll be clear in their opening message!

I like Tinder, there are people using it for hook ups but in my experience most people seem to be looking for a relationship. Most of my dates thus far have been from there and they've all been really nice blokes, just not quite right for me. Mr Ireland is from Tinder and I'll find out tomorrow if he's right or not

Save you’re welcome You’re polite; it’s good karma

And late reply getting but as many pp said: it’s not you; a large proportion of OLD people are weird/rude/both. In fact it’d be more unusual if it hadn’t happened you, frankly It’s just unfortunate it was early on. Please don’t let it colour your judgement; decent, nice, RIGHT blokes are out there. Hell, there’s even a few here although Rule 10, obvs.

Can’t remember if I mentioned before (and too lazy to scroll back and check) , but I found a list of attributes for my ideal man I’d written yonks ago (probably in the throes of some Cosmic Ordering bollocks). Anyhow MrMr fit them all. All of them.
(Actually I lie; I didn’t find out one of them cough but I bet he was) 😈
But srsly; even random ones like “sparkly eyes” and “likes fast cars”
So I’ve had to add a few more to it (“not possessive”, “unmistakeable chemistry”, “likes cats”).
I recommend it though; it doesn’t half focus the mind and is a good reference for what you truly want and deserve.

Horse I reported someone who had used a picture of a model from google images, I had seen the image before somewhere and it obviously wasn’t the person posting. POF never took it down and he’s still on there posting. I have also reported dick photos to POF but they do take these down straight away.

sweet I agree, people on tinder tend to write what they are looking for if it’s just hook ups. Some don’t write anything so I just ask (if we match of course).

Last have a WOOHOO! and a hi-five from me. Nice work

Love, it’s so grim. It’s not a wildly popular band but the singer is distinctive enough and he’s got three different photos of him!

In general, I don’t think Tinder is the same as the reputation it used to have. It’s not any different to any dating site now, though men rarely seem to have words in the profile and I do like a man with words. And openly state that, which makes the “hey” messages even more infuriating!

Goodness a new thread already. I can't keep up! It's beginning to sound a bit more upbeat again, which is lovely to hear.

I'm feeling more upbeat too - had two job offers last week and this - so perhaps I should paint those toenails and dip 'em in the OLD pool?

Smeaton you sound a bit low. This stuff does seem to be cyclical. Or like buses. And other cliched metaphors!

Last sounds brill! Do you like him?

Vet You need to know that you will have to provide loo/ rock climbing ledge updates tomorrow, don't you. No pressure

Great news on the jobs, Ginny

I’m certainly more upbeat and I’m not even on a site at the moment 🤔

Anyone got any Valentine's Day dates? My FWB asked me where I'm taking him for dinner and my mum has started suggesting we would make a good couple and is totally convinced that he is in love with me or very soon will be. She has no idea about the situation though! Unless I'm not giving her enough credit!!

Apart from that, though I did turn my POF profile back on, I've only had a handful of messages from people I've no interest in and so didn't reply.

Valentine's Day will be a year to the day that I left my narcissistic, emotionally abusive, controlling ex husband. And the other day he accused me of assault which almost found its way to the CPS so things are just going AWESOME for me right now.

That's good news Ginny.

A valentine's date? I'm going to dinner with a married couple I know. Should be a romantic eve.