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Original poster

Dating Thread 128: the one without a catchy title

999 replies

RunsforCake14 · 11/02/2018 11:15

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread
OP posts:
Techgirldating2018 · 18/02/2018 17:16

Can I just say this thread has kept me sane today.
I love all of you

pringlecat · 18/02/2018 17:39

RunsforCake14 Ah, so he's an ex? In which case, you no longer have any obligations to him. You don't seem to want to do this thing without him, so don't do it. It's a sunk cost for him - the money is gone.

At the time when you would have been doing this, do something else for yourself. It could be something as simple as binge watching some bad US TV with a takeaway, but do something, anything that makes you feel happy.

Maybe you'll get a chance to do this activity with someone else in the future. Or a similar type. Doesn't really matter - don't give it a further thought.

ValMc1 · 18/02/2018 18:00

Need some advice please - just been chatting to someone who matches on tinder a few days ago - we exchanged a few texts and he invited me out for a drink tomorrow but I said I would like to chat first. We have just spoken - a nice chat. My issue - he works about 15 miles away and is in hotels there as he is based a couple of hours away. When we chatted just now I suggested we meet half between and he then told me that he has booked into a hotel where I live - just feels a bit strange - what do you all think

Chocolate123 · 18/02/2018 18:04

Val I wouldn't be meeting in hotel suggest somewhere else. If he's only after one thing he'll push for hotel. Could be innocent if he wants to have a drink and not drive

pringlecat · 18/02/2018 18:13

ValMc1 Hang on, did he book a hotel before you agreed to go on a date with him? Have you even agreed to go out on a date with him? Sounds a bit presumptuous.

If you're happy to go on a date with him, go and have fun, but don't meet in his hotel and don't let yourself feel pressured in going back to his hotel. Given he booked it without discussing it with you, I would draw a boundary of not going there no matter how the evening goes. You don't want to start something new where the man thinks you'll go along with everything he decides all of the time, even if he doesn't consult with you first. Boundaries for sure.

If he is lovely, you can have hotel sex another time. Paying for a nice room does not make anyone entitled to sex.

Hopefully he has booked a room just so he can share a drink with you and not have to drive back over the limit and is being responsibly rather than creepy, but trust your gut on this either way!

saveyourkissesforme · 18/02/2018 18:14

Val is he married and travelling with work?

MissCatt · 18/02/2018 18:20

I agree with Pringle here Val. Sounds like he has to stay in hotels anyway so getting one near you might just be responsible re driving etc. I'd meet somewhere neutral and handle it like you would any other date... doesn't have to be creepy, just trust your gut and keep boundaries up. Have fun!

esk1mo · 18/02/2018 18:38

val he might not mean it in a seedy way - it sounds like he is used to staying in hotels, and it means you wont have to meet half way if he is staying where you live?

im off to meet MrForeign for our cinema date. its pouring with rain here, and im stopping off at a friends bar before hand to have a few drinks - because im an anxious annie and want to be relaxed Grin

CoverMeLads · 18/02/2018 18:43

Fly by as I’m off to see a friend now, but Mr Cure isn’t for me. Lovely bloke (thankfully everyone I’ve met has been) ; it’s not just the young kids ( I got to flesh out a bit more how dating him would look) but whilst we have a lot in common our outlook is quite different. I know I’d irritate the hell out of him pretty soon.
Was honest at the end of the date and we parted well, so that was nice.

I’m thinking changing what I’m looking for to no kids and kids not at home. Although that does then omit the ones with teenagers, so dunno.

Oh and Mr CB said I was beautiful and I believed him. Which was nice.

So I’ll read back properly later (is there an echo in here? Wink) and brew a mega post as per.

CoverMeLads · 18/02/2018 18:44

Godspeed Esk1mo; may the film be just interesting enough for snogging not to matter 👍🏻

ValMc1 · 18/02/2018 19:37

No he hasn't suggested meeting in his hotel - and yes I half agreed to meeting tomorrow but wanted to chat first - was just a bit taken aback when he said he had booked a room here - we had agreed that I would phone him today but he gave very specific times - just hearing the married bell

Lovemusic33 · 18/02/2018 19:40

cover on my profile I say that Ihave 2 teens that no longer need me as much and that I’m looking for someone in a similar situation (with older children or no children), I did get a nasty message from someone because he had young children, he obviously had a problem with my choice. I’m happy to date someone with teenagers, I know they can be hard work at times but in a different way than young children.

MissCatt · 18/02/2018 19:52

Hmm Val go with your gut and trust it! A cautious and strictly timed meed might be on the cards? Often guys who are married are willing to admit it to you if they think you won't 'tell them off' and you'll kind of understand. I've outed several like this. Then told them where to go! Good luck!

pudding21 · 18/02/2018 20:30

val go with your own gut but I sacked off a guy who suggested the same thing. I though that he wasn't being presumptuous and a little too desperate.

userxx · 18/02/2018 20:39

Quick question - someone I know is on pof, has been for a year or so, I know his username so do a quick search and it brings up his profile. He's been seeing someone for a few months - I'm thinking he's not sure and keeping his options open?

BeenThereDating · 18/02/2018 20:39

I find it odd that if anyone's genuinely looking for a relationship they'd do so 2 hours from home, away on business, whilst staying over in a hotel.

BeenThereDating · 18/02/2018 20:41

User are you in POF or using google?

userxx · 18/02/2018 20:43

Google

ignoringthechoc · 18/02/2018 20:46

I'm going to sound really dim, but how do you search by username on pof?
Last time I hid my profile for a bit then made it public again, someone got in touch to say 'you still here then?' made me feel a bit rubbish like I had been on there too long! Was only about 3 months, surely people know it can take longer than that to find someone you want to be with! User he might just have left it open but not be looking at it?

BeenThereDating · 18/02/2018 20:47

You can't tell. You have to be in POF to know if it's active or not and even then if he's just hidden his profile you can't find him in POF but he's able to browse and contact people. My profile's been deleted for ages but shows in google. It might be showing you something that's cached.

BeenThereDating · 18/02/2018 20:50

Ignoring in the old days you could search by username but you can't anymore. If you put POF and the username in google the profile then pops up but it doesn't mean it's a live profile.

Original poster
RunsforCake14 · 18/02/2018 20:51

This allows you to search for a username on POF, so long as you're not logged in. But you can't tell if it's active or hidden.

www.pof.com/basicusersearch.aspx

OP posts:
userxx · 18/02/2018 20:51

Oh really, so he could have deleted it then. Ok, it was just for my own nosiness.

userxx · 18/02/2018 20:57

Thanks runs - he's still on there as I suspected. Must be keeping his options open.

ignoringthechoc · 18/02/2018 20:59

thanks been and runs learning a lot from this thread :)

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